The WEEK!!!!

[Guest guest]

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 2:30AM here in Ohio and I’m up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our “we can do it” attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can’t?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I’m so tired there weren’t any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don’t know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she’s good and so horrific when she’s bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that’s 1/3 of my weight and it’s just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she’s

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn’t understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she’s still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she’s peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that’s just

it-it doesn’t end. This isn’t a “phase” or “bad week” this is how it’s been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I’m just out of

steam. I feel like I can’t do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

,

Many of us have gone through periods like this. You know that saying God

doesn't give more than you can handle? Well, that is bull shit! LOL!!

Seriously, I feel for you. If Myah has been acting up more than usual,

maybe she isn't feeling well?!?!?!

I would start charting her behaviors - do you want me to send you a chart?

It's pretty easy, and it helps you recognize patterns to her behaviors and

possible triggers. It would be a good tool to share with the behavioral

specialist next month. I'd also ask the behavioral specialist to teach you

safe holds to use (like basket hold) if you need to protect her from hurting

herself or others during a tantrum.

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's 2:30AM here in Ohio and I'm up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our " we can do it " attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can't?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I'm so tired there weren't any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don't know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she's good and so horrific when she's bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that's 1/3 of my weight and it's just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she's

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn't understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she's still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she's peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that's just

it-it doesn't end. This isn't a " phase " or " bad week " this is how it's been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I'm just out of

steam. I feel like I can't do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

I feel for you because I go through similiar situations with Amelia

(6,ds.) What I tell myself is this " Come hell or high water, I am the boss when

it comes to the Mommy/Child relationship. " I find sometimes I need to empower

myself mentally. When she was a baby all I could see was her sweetness and

vulnerability. As she gets older I see that here is a person who isn't always

sweet, and in fact can be very difficult and uncooperative. I feel that it is

vital that she knows how to behave so that the rest of the world will want to

have her around. That is one way I hope to keep her included for the rest of

her life. Not behaving in socially acceptable ways makes her more vulnerable in

the long run. So basically I hunker down for the battle sometimes. Another

time I will bore you with the story of she and I going to war about picking her

nose and eating it. I won that one and it wasn't easy. When Amelia acts like a

little monster I look at her with a hard eye

and say " Amelia doesn't do that! If Amelia does it again Amelia will go inside

the house and sit on the naughty step (straight off TV-works for us) She often

disregards this and without exception I haul all 60lbs of her into the house.

Often fighting me like a rabid dog. I make her sit, no matter what, for about

two minutes. It sometimes requires that I put her back a couple of times. I

let her know that I am most displeased. Usually I say " Shame on you for acting

so mean. " After that two minutes is over I sit her on my lap and tell her what

I want her to do when she rides her bike, plays in the sand box, swing set etc.

More often then not I get the cooperation I am looking for. If not...repeat of

the aforementioned.

I have learned that taking the kids (I have another child, 4, son named

Jake) to Walmart is an excercise in madness 6 times out of 10. So I pick and

choose and live and learn. Yes, I'd have probably taken Amelia to get her bike,

and if I'd had a similiar experience to yours I'd think about the next big

purchase might arrive " magically " waiting for her when she gets up. Behavior

modification on the parents part can be very empowering. " Can't handle a trip to

Walmart kid? Guess what, you are not going to go to Walmart. " I'd rather go by

myself anyway.

Also her behavior riding her bike might be better off happening in an

empty (read safe) parking lot where she can learn to ride without the hassle of

having to stay in the driveway or on the sidewalk. Once she gets the riding

down then do it at home and work on staying within the required area. Sometimes

I think the problem is that Amelia is trying to learn something that requires

physical prowess and at the same time I am pushing her to remember her

boundaries regarding behavior. I try to give her a really wide open chance and

space to learn the skill then I kick in the boundaries.

I have to say that Kathy Snow's " Disability is Natural " (Braveheart

Press) was the most empowering piece of information that I came across regarding

how to deal with my child. I love the lady's attitude. I recommend it highly.

I also was just given a book by a girlfriend called " Becoming Citizens " and it's

about the special ed movement that started in Washington state in the 60's. It

features cameos of mothers (and a few fathers) talking about their kids. We all

are reaping the benefits of the strides these women made. And that's even if we

don't like today's special education system. The title of the book says it all.

Their struggle was even more solitary then ours. We are reaping the rewards of

their fight for their kids. That is a large portion of motherhood in general if

you ask me-struggling for your kids. Wehther disabled or typical. Myah is lucky

to have you for her mother. You are lucky to have her for your child. Somedays

that is impossible to

remember but it's still the truth. Don't beat yourself up for struggling and

don't let the doubts and fears define you. You are doing a good job because you

cared enough to put your fears out into a forum where A)people know exactly

what you are going through and B)will let you know what they think. Manys the

day I should do what you did and instead go to the freezer and pull out a quart

of icecream and cry for two hours straight feeling sorry for myself. But hey,

that works sometimes too. Best of luck to you and Myah.

Ann mother to Amelia and Jake.

<cindysue@...> wrote:

,

Many of us have gone through periods like this. You know that saying God

doesn't give more than you can handle? Well, that is bull shit! LOL!!

Seriously, I feel for you. If Myah has been acting up more than usual,

maybe she isn't feeling well?!?!?!

I would start charting her behaviors - do you want me to send you a chart?

It's pretty easy, and it helps you recognize patterns to her behaviors and

possible triggers. It would be a good tool to share with the behavioral

specialist next month. I'd also ask the behavioral specialist to teach you

safe holds to use (like basket hold) if you need to protect her from hurting

herself or others during a tantrum.

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's 2:30AM here in Ohio and I'm up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our " we can do it " attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can't?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I'm so tired there weren't any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don't know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she's good and so horrific when she's bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that's 1/3 of my weight and it's just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she's

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn't understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she's still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she's peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that's just

it-it doesn't end. This isn't a " phase " or " bad week " this is how it's been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I'm just out of

steam. I feel like I can't do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

Note: forwarded message attached.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

.. yes.. I have had those days.. I have had those days with my

Typical Children ! LOL..

As I was reading your post I kept thinking.. this sounds like my oldest,

when she was 4. We called it the furious fours. I began saying I would

rather have two two year olds than a four year old . I got to the end

of your post and found your little one is 5. So.. Certainly go to the

behavioral therapist.. But your little one sounds normal to me.. just a

year behind. LOL.. Granted its not “ normal” behavior.. but I have six

children.. and two of them have been like this. The younger is just

turning four. She hit it at three.. and I was able to control it a bit

better for having been through it before with my Oldest. Remember that

your child is running a bit slower in development. This hits all areas..

and in myopinion is why its started at age three ish.. and is still

going on at age five. I think with some guidance from the Counselor and

time she will get better. ALSO GET YOURSELF OUT ! Burn that stress.. in

an exercise.. Walk BRISKLY or something like that. Burn the stress. You

need to. It will recharge you. Try to find the time for a short 20 min

recharge if you will.

Its hard though. I remember a fit my oldest DD through because she was

mad at me for refusing a toy at a grocery store. She started trying to

jump out of the cart. LSS I had to carry her out.. she was kicking and

screaming and biting my back. ( had her over my sholder to hold the legs

from kicking me in stomach) .. As I was lugging her out some woman said

in disgust “ Oh that poor child” .. POOR CHILD I thought.. I am the one

being bitten and beaten ! It was one of the worst days of my life..

and I have been through some pretty bad stuff. She used to deliberately

pee on me while I would restrain her fro hurting me or someone else ( it

was usually me though) . She threw a waste basket at the Therapist (

after that day in the store we found one asap) cause she did not have a

particular therapeutic toy that day. She was almost hospitalized after

that..Todya I think she would have been diagnosed ODD. The therapist

said it was “ she felt safe enough to express anger at me”.. Hmm… well

back then I bought it.. LOL.. She was not much help..but did teach me

the art of distraction which sometimes diffuses the situation. I

dunno.. but I think if ya feel safe enough to bite the stuffin out of

someone.. then you are feeling too safe.. ; )

I did not use corporal punishment at the time. Did not believe in it.

Not saying that is what you should do.. but My DD ( typical) was better

after a year or so. And I now I do OCCASIONALLY resort to a swat on the

tush now. **I hope that you can resolve it differently.** Still not a

fan of CP.. but… Perhaps my DD just outgrew the physically violent

part..perhaps it got her attention… she was still a very vocal

tantrumer.

After ward I got a bach in Psy.. and worked at a Childrens Psych

hospital.. and let me tell you .. the experts that claim they never use

CP.. have never seen what the nurses and the techs do on the ward floors

of a CPH. Do not let your small child be hospitalized on a behavioral

unit.. if you can avoid it in any way..for several reasons.

Anyhow.. Long story short..I know that the situations are different and

all.. but I understand that heart wrenching feeling of severe love and

frustration and a touch of something that resembles feeling defeated

when you are struggling with your beloved child in such a manner whom

you very much love but are so terribly frustrated by.. It tears at a

mother’s heart. You feel like your hands are tied and you feel deflated.

And its nothing you have done BTW or did not do. Its just the

temperament.

Hang in there…Go to the Behavioral therapist.. take what info you can..

and hang in there. Hugs..

Steph

" Truth is not determined by a majority vote. "

-Cardinal ph Ratzinger

http://360./rnscarlson

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 2:30AM here in Ohio and I’m up! I tell

you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I

know we

are positive here and I feel our “we can do it” attitudes, but does

anyone

out there ever think they can’t?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I’m so tired there weren’t any. Myah is so obstinate and

(can

be) mean. I just don’t know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems

like

she can be so sweet when she’s good and so horrific when she’s bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that’s 1/3 of my weight and it’s just getting so hard

to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it

all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I

had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike.

She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once

in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it

and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way

she’s

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into

the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn’t understand that she was getting it,

and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we

put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then

yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who

is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing

happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for

her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn

around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step

in,

but she’s still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she’s peed her pants since Nov).

She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like

that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that’s

just

it-it doesn’t end. This isn’t a “phase” or “bad week” this is how it’s

been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for

crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I’m just

out of

steam. I feel like I can’t do it. Anything you can say or experience

that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

Ok it is clear that Im a terrrrrrrrrrrrible mother. LOL Spankings you ask? As

much as I would love to talk sweetly etc....it doesnt work with mine.......AT

ALL....If I count to three...Sydnie may hesitate but she'll see how close to 3

I'll get (she didnt use to let me get to 3)....at 3 you get a swat....isnt that

what you called it? lol Swat on the tush....she doesnt like it...actually you

have to get a little leg or she doesnt 'hear' you. I know BAD MAMA!! Sydnie

knows I mean business....time outs she hates...so thats ok too....but the IF YOU

DO THAT AGAIN, IM TAKING YOU TO THE BATHROOM AND WEARING YOU OUTTTTTTTTTTTT(if

we're out somewhere), gives her something to think about. If Sydnie didnt get

it ...it would be different...buttttt she does!!!!

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's 2:30AM here in Ohio and I'm up! I tell

you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I

know we

are positive here and I feel our " we can do it " attitudes, but does

anyone

out there ever think they can't?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I'm so tired there weren't any. Myah is so obstinate and

(can

be) mean. I just don't know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems

like

she can be so sweet when she's good and so horrific when she's bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that's 1/3 of my weight and it's just getting so hard

to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it

all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I

had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike.

She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once

in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it

and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way

she's

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into

the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn't understand that she was getting it,

and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we

put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then

yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who

is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing

happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for

her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn

around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step

in,

but she's still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she's peed her pants since Nov).

She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like

that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that's

just

it-it doesn't end. This isn't a " phase " or " bad week " this is how it's

been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for

crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I'm just

out of

steam. I feel like I can't do it. Anything you can say or experience

that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2006 3:57:11 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, Loree5

writes:

could part of the problem be that she cannot communicate and is

frustrated over that? Other than that I know how you feel. My now almost 11

year

old would get like that when he was little. I would leave carts in the

supermarket because of his out of control behavior. He was a drug exposed baby

and has ADHD. He is now doing wonderfully in that area. I have found two

things that worked. Number 1 consistency. You must do the same thing every

time

and expect her to obey. Before you say " yeah right " I used time outs and

rewards. When he did something not acceptable we put him in time out. That

sometimes meant I would play goalie for 2o minutes putting him back on the

bottom step until he sat there for two minutes. I would be dripping wet but it

worked. I didn't speak with him just kept putting him back on the step

saying Two minutes and your done. " After about two to three weeks he decided

to

sit there for the two minutes. We would then speak in very easy terms on

why he was in time out and what was acceptable and then hugged. Number two,

when we went into a store or supermarket (the worst for him because of all the

stimulation) he got to pick out a treat and hold it throughout the trip. If

he behaved, he got the goodie. If he went ballistic in the store or

mis-behaved. The goodie went back and we said " Oh well now we have to go and

no

goodie. " It was a major pain and I know exactly what you are talking about,

leaving the store with an out of control kid. But again after I would say

three

to four times leaving all I would have to do is say " Oh well I guess we are

leaving " And he would say " No, no, mom I be good " An usually he was. He

had learned the consequences for his actions. It is time consuming and hard

but so worth it. You absolutely must be consistent because with our " special "

kids one mess up means losing a month worth of work. I hope this helps, I

know how you are feeling but you can come out the other side. Expect from

Myah what you expect from your other children. Just modify for her

developmental age. Like Micah at 5 is really developmentally around 3 so I

expect him to

behave like a proper three year old, understand? or am I confusing you. I

hope this helps. No I have been where you are and this too will pass and you

will get through it with a little time, love and patience and good old

fashioned discipline.

Loree

[Guest guest]

-

I am so sorry I really don't have anything helpful to offer. I think 's

suggestion of keeping the chart sounds great, sounds like it with help the

behaviorist, and probably give you a heads up since they will most likely ask

you to fill one out anyway.

Know that I will be thinking of you and praying for you, Myah and the family.

Sharon H.

Mom to , (14, DS) and , (10)

South Carolina

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's 2:30AM here in Ohio and I'm up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our " we can do it " attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can't?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I'm so tired there weren't any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don't know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she's good and so horrific when she's bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that's 1/3 of my weight and it's just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she's

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn't understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she's still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she's peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that's just

it-it doesn't end. This isn't a " phase " or " bad week " this is how it's been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I'm just out of

steam. I feel like I can't do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

Ann,

I think you and I could get along just fine. This sounds like something I’d

write (on a good day!) It’s just nice to hear that others struggle in the

same way. I read all the great peaches “n” Cream stories here and in the

community, but that’s just not how it is all the time. Of course I don’t

think a good headline for the newspaper would be “myah the monster-strikes

again”. Lol

Thanks again,

Re: The WEEK!!!!

I feel for you because I go through similiar situations with Amelia

(6,ds.) What I tell myself is this " Come hell or high water, I am the boss

when it comes to the Mommy/Child relationship. " I find sometimes I need to

empower myself mentally. When she was a baby all I could see was her

sweetness and vulnerability. As she gets older I see that here is a person

who isn't always sweet, and in fact can be very difficult and uncooperative.

I feel that it is vital that she knows how to behave so that the rest of the

world will want to have her around. That is one way I hope to keep her

included for the rest of her life. Not behaving in socially acceptable ways

makes her more vulnerable in the long run. So basically I hunker down for

the battle sometimes. Another time I will bore you with the story of she

and I going to war about picking her nose and eating it. I won that one and

it wasn't easy. When Amelia acts like a little monster I look at her with a

hard eye and say " Amelia doesn't do that! If Amelia does it again Amelia

will go inside the house and sit on the naughty step (straight off TV-works

for us) She often disregards this and without exception I haul all 60lbs of

her into the house. Often fighting me like a rabid dog. I make her sit, no

matter what, for about two minutes. It sometimes requires that I put her

back a couple of times. I let her know that I am most displeased. Usually

I say " Shame on you for acting so mean. " After that two minutes is over I

sit her on my lap and tell her what I want her to do when she rides her

bike, plays in the sand box, swing set etc. More often then not I get the

cooperation I am looking for. If not...repeat of the aforementioned.

I have learned that taking the kids (I have another child, 4, son named

Jake) to Walmart is an excercise in madness 6 times out of 10. So I pick

and choose and live and learn. Yes, I'd have probably taken Amelia to get

her bike, and if I'd had a similiar experience to yours I'd think about the

next big purchase might arrive " magically " waiting for her when she gets up.

Behavior modification on the parents part can be very empowering. " Can't

handle a trip to Walmart kid? Guess what, you are not going to go to

Walmart. " I'd rather go by myself anyway.

Also her behavior riding her bike might be better off happening in an

empty (read safe) parking lot where she can learn to ride without the hassle

of having to stay in the driveway or on the sidewalk. Once she gets the

riding down then do it at home and work on staying within the required area.

Sometimes I think the problem is that Amelia is trying to learn something

that requires physical prowess and at the same time I am pushing her to

remember her boundaries regarding behavior. I try to give her a really wide

open chance and space to learn the skill then I kick in the boundaries.

I have to say that Kathy Snow's " Disability is Natural " (Braveheart

Press) was the most empowering piece of information that I came across

regarding how to deal with my child. I love the lady's attitude. I

recommend it highly. I also was just given a book by a girlfriend called

" Becoming Citizens " and it's about the special ed movement that started in

Washington state in the 60's. It features cameos of mothers (and a few

fathers) talking about their kids. We all are reaping the benefits of the

strides these women made. And that's even if we don't like today's special

education system. The title of the book says it all. Their struggle was

even more solitary then ours. We are reaping the rewards of their fight for

their kids. That is a large portion of motherhood in general if you ask

me-struggling for your kids. Wehther disabled or typical. Myah is lucky to

have you for her mother. You are lucky to have her for your child.

Somedays that is impossible to remember but it's still the truth. Don't

beat yourself up for struggling and don't let the doubts and fears define

you. You are doing a good job because you cared enough to put your fears out

into a forum where A)people know exactly what you are going through and

B)will let you know what they think. Manys the day I should do what you did

and instead go to the freezer and pull out a quart of icecream and cry for

two hours straight feeling sorry for myself. But hey, that works sometimes

too. Best of luck to you and Myah.

Ann mother to Amelia and Jake.

<cindysue@...> wrote:

,

Many of us have gone through periods like this. You know that saying God

doesn't give more than you can handle? Well, that is bull shit! LOL!!

Seriously, I feel for you. If Myah has been acting up more than usual,

maybe she isn't feeling well?!?!?!

I would start charting her behaviors - do you want me to send you a chart?

It's pretty easy, and it helps you recognize patterns to her behaviors and

possible triggers. It would be a good tool to share with the behavioral

specialist next month. I'd also ask the behavioral specialist to teach you

safe holds to use (like basket hold) if you need to protect her from hurting

herself or others during a tantrum.

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it's 2:30AM here in Ohio and I'm up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our " we can do it " attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can't?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I'm so tired there weren't any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don't know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she's good and so horrific when she's bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that's 1/3 of my weight and it's just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she's

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn't understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she's still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she's peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that's just

it-it doesn't end. This isn't a " phase " or " bad week " this is how it's been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I'm just out of

steam. I feel like I can't do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

Thanks, If anything reading all of your responses are giving me a good

laugh. Loree being the goalie of the steps. I chuckle cause I have played

that position! (BTW-I do play soccer on the weekends!) and now Steph getting

the stuffin bit out of her! Lol

On the spanking topic. I have spanked Myah and still do at times, but it

does not seem to help. She really doesn’t care. So, I try not to. Our main

punishment is time out on the steps for 5 minutes (she can hear the timer on

the ledge and knows when she can get up and gets up like it’s a new day-odd

what 5 minutes can do!) Also if she takes her shoes off in the car she doesn

’t get to watch Elmo when she gets home. If she throws or hits with a toy-I

take it and put it on the curio. The poor kid can’t hold onto her

stethoscope. She tried to hit me with it (when I wasn’t looking) and wrapped

it around my neck as she swung it at me. Broke the skin. It was up there for

a week. The electronic dog was missing for days because I didn’t do

something she wanted as I was holding a puking baby-so she threw it on my

foot. It was an instant bruise and still hurts. Probably a fracture if I had

to guess, but it’s just the top of the foot-who uses it anyways? The school

is having problems with her listening, but they’re not getting the sh**

beaten out of them. Maybe she’s just comfy at home??!! Although she does do

it at my mom’s too.

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 2:30AM here in Ohio and I’m up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our “we can do it” attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can’t?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I’m so tired there weren’t any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don’t know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she’s good and so horrific when she’s bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that’s 1/3 of my weight and it’s just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she’s

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn’t understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she’s still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she’s peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that’s just

it-it doesn’t end. This isn’t a “phase” or “bad week” this is how it’s been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I’m just out of

steam. I feel like I can’t do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

I think if most people are being 100% honest they have at times resorted to

a smack on the rear end of their child. Though me being the perfect parent

would never have done so! LOL. All kids get extremely frustrating at

times.

One thing that proved the best deterrent for me and can still do (but hardly

think of it) is the good old wooden spoon. Never actually used it but the

threat would have Trent thinking twice - mentioning the spoon wouldn't

work, he had to see it appear - needless to say I had plenty of spoons which

magically vanished. The problem with this though couldn't use it outside of

the home, though we could be somewhere like speech therapy and he would be

misbehaving all I would need to do is pick up a ruler and start playing with

it - enough to have him sit up. An outsider would have no idea of what

really was going on.

These days me yelling at him works wonders, but he knows that I will not

raise my voice in public so will often do as he pleases, he knows when he

has gone too far as when we get back to the car he will sit in the back seat

as far away from me as he can get. It is very unusual for Trent to happily

take the back seat.

Though must say, 's social stories have been working really well - me

staying calm and quietly telling my angel that what he is doing is

inappropriate etc., has had positive effects - keep in mind though Trent is

21 an adult and knows better and certainly knows what buttons to push and

just how far he can go.

, hoping you are feeling more on top of things - when Trent was a

little an old lady stopped me in a store, didn't give the usual 'children

with Downs are such sweet loveable kids' but 'my dear I had a brother with

Downs there is a guardian angel watching over them' that has been in my

opinion the most honest thing I have ever been told about having a child

with Downs.

Keep smiling

Jan, mother of Trent 21yo w/DS from the LandDownUnder

The WEEK!!!!

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 2:30AM here in Ohio and I’m up! I tell you

I have the one terrible week. Myah has been just absolutely awful. I know we

are positive here and I feel our “we can do it” attitudes, but does anyone

out there ever think they can’t?? Last night I was literally to

tears-although I’m so tired there weren’t any. Myah is so obstinate and (can

be) mean. I just don’t know what to do. We are going to the behavioral

specialist next month and I pray that we get some help. It just seems like

she can be so sweet when she’s good and so horrific when she’s bad. She

weighs 42 pounds-that’s 1/3 of my weight and it’s just getting so hard to

physically control her during her fits of rage. I feel I have tried it all

and now here I am just sitting crying wondering what to do (again!) Does

this feeling ever go away? I only have you guys to talk to about these

things. I tell you it has been going through my head questioning why I had

her and that maybe someone else would be better to raise her.

She was so excited about a bike (seeing others on bikes) over the past

couple weeks. So, my husband and I took her to Wal-Mart to get a bike. She

tried the bikes at the store and could ride them except for every once in a

while she would put the brakes on. When she did that she would lose it and

get mad at me as if I was stopping her bike. She got so mad that she was

losing serious composure so I had to put her in the cart. On the way she’s

beating the crap out of me and then hitting her sister on the way into the

cart. My husband ended up putting the bike in his cart (meaning she was

getting it). She was still going nuts knocking things off the shelves,

hitting, yelling. I know she didn’t understand that she was getting it, and

just wanted to ride it, but even then she was mad. It ended up that we put

it back. She tantrumed for about 10 minutes before she quit. Then yesterday

she had marks all over she trunk area from me trying to keep her from

hurting herself (and me). Well, last night we went to see my friend, who is

visiting her parents from Michigan, and basically the same thing happened.

She was riding a big (old-fashioned) tricycle. It really was perfect for her

(and no brakes!) Anyway, she wanted to ride in the road, not turn around-you

name it. She was just beating anyone who tried to help her, but then

screaming when she had trouble. I make her ask for help before I step in,

but she’s still mad. It ended up that she peed her pants sitting on the

tricycle. (probably only the 3rd time she’s peed her pants since Nov). She

was so out of control that I just packed her up and left. I am just so

exhausted with it. My friend said not to worry that she had a week like that

with her daughter last week. I just looked at her and said, well that’s just

it-it doesn’t end. This isn’t a “phase” or “bad week” this is how it’s been

for 3 ½ years. I, of all people, believe in positive thinking (for crying

out loud we were the Ambassador family for our COUNTY!), but I’m just out of

steam. I feel like I can’t do it. Anything you can say or experience that

can help would be appreciated.

Bruised and battered,

mom to Myah 5 (DS), and Shianne 19mo

[Guest guest]

,

I am sorry to be responding so late, but oh, I know how you feel. Most of

the time we all just move forward and deal with the hand that has been

dealt. But then there are those time that the difficulty of what we are

facing smacks us in the face. We have had some behavior issues with

that I've been meaning to post about because I too and looking for ideas,

but just haven't had the time.

Your friend was right about it being a phase, and you were right about the

length of the phase. Our kids DO go through phase, but they last so darn

long!!! Hang in there, ask for help when you need it, take breaks and talk

about it when things are really bad. I have a friend who has a child with

MD and we were discussing how we feel it is our job to make it look easy so

our kids don't appear to be a burden. But when you make it look easy,

people don't have a clue when you need help.

Hang in there!!!!!!!!!

Mom to (12, DS) and Grace (9) and (3)

[Guest guest]

Here it was mostly the threat of a swat that would do it. Once I did it once or

twice, they knew I meant business and it wasn't an idle threat. If we were out,

they were told we'd be making a trip to the bathroom if they didn't knock it

off, they knew what it meant (kind of like your playing with the ruler.)

I think the main thing a lot of people don't get is how important it is to start

discipline (which doesn't necessarily mean corporal punishment as the current

world deems, but is from the word 'disciple' which is to teach) very early. From

the time ours are about 6 months old or so, we began. Saying 'no', redirecting,

etc. As soon as they were understanding language, they were hearing what is

expected of them...did they understand right away? Of course not, but we don't

know when the words start making sense to them, so if we're used to speaking to

them, correcting them, teaching them, it is such a natural thing.

I can't believe how many people I hear say 'kids will be kids' or 'they are only

young once' as defense for naughty behavior. Or think it's cute. Until they are

a little older and it's not so cute anymore, and it's much harder to correct.

Yikes, sorry about the book, but this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I

have 3 teenagers, a pre-teen, a kindergardener and 17 month old Ruthie (DS.) We

get comments all the time on how wonderful our kids are and we think they are

pretty darn special!

Sue

I think if most people are being 100% honest they have at times resorted to

a smack on the rear end of their child. Though me being the perfect parent

would never have done so! LOL. All kids get extremely frustrating at

times.

One thing that proved the best deterrent for me and can still do (but hardly

think of it) is the good old wooden spoon.