need some help - behavior issue (long)

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

You may remember I wrote awhile back about my 8 year old daughter, Shelby,

who is fully included in the second grade, having some behavior issues at

school. At the time it was not coming in from recess with the class, which

they

have since resolved (for now anyway) by her having a special job (getting to

blow a whistle when it's time to come in and checking off all her friends

names on a clipboard as they line up - hey maybe she can get a job at the census

bureau some day, LOL).

Anyway, since then we've had some other behavior situations crop up, such as

her locking herself in the bathroom stall (she is not potty trained, we think

due to a neurological immaturity, as she cognitively gets it, and has a

desire to " go " ), attempting and sometimes successfully leaving the class,

either

from the classroom, the cafeteria, or while walking down the hall, also in

most situations to end up in the bathroom. Boy, as I'm writing this it sounds

like it's all about the bathroom, so I'm sure I'll get a lot of " maybe she's

ready to be trained " , which could very well be and it is something we are

going to try again to help her master. However, there have been other little

things as well. I could go on and on;-)

So I get a note on Tuesday, saying basically, that they had a very difficult

time trying to get Shelby to accomplish much that day, and that at our next

quarterly IEP meeting they may want to set up a " daily behavior chart " for

Shelby. This of course got my attention and my panties in a bunch! Let me

back up by saying that I had sent a note in that morning, saying that Shelby

was

coming down with a cold and was not feeling her best, which I have told them

numerous times and it's even in her IEP (in my parent comments) that she is

quite a different child when she is not feeling well. So, I kept her home

from school yesterday, and wrote a note today, asking them to explain just what

this chart would be. Here's what I got from the Special Ed teacher, " I will

call you about the behavior chart, I thought it would give me/us an

opportunity to take an objective look, based on data, when and why things are

occurring. " Now I have no experience with this, other than what I have read on

here, but this sounds suspiciously like an FBA. I don't know that much about

them, and am not saying that I disagree with one being done, but I'm a little

nervous about it, and I've had issues of my own with her team this year. Like

the fact that they wanted to use the same positive behavior " plan " with

Shelby that they use for the entire class, which was fine to start off with,

but

at the first signs of it not working 100% of the time, I suggested they use

the more personal plan that we had started at the end of last year. They

didn't really go for it and have only somewhat used it maybe 4 or 5 days over

the

past few months. They don't seem to want to take a more flexible and

creative approach to getting her to comply, but rather insist on her just

following

the rules period.

I've set up an appointment to talk with the VP on Monday, to see what all

she knows about what is going on and how she feels about how Shelby is doing

and how they are handling it. I really like the VP and feel that she knows her

stuff, so we'll see. Of course she is the one that placed Shelby with this

team, in the first place, so... Shelby's teacher and aide last year were so

wonderful, I could not say enough great things about them and we had NO real

behavior issues at all. I find it hard to believe that Shelby and Shelby

alone has changed that much. We had a somewhat similar team in kindergarten,

insisting on Shelby raising her hand every day to indicate that she wanted

white milk with her snack, and then writing me notes when she didn't, but I

didn't feel there was as much at stake academically. This year I feel as if we

are missing a very important boat with academics, to haggle every day about

behaviors that could possibly be prevented if they used the plan we had in

place

last year. Which is exactly why I stated at her IEP last June, that I felt

it very important that last years teacher share what worked for her, so that

we could use that info and not have to reinvent the wheel so to speak. The

first grade teacher says (and I believe her) she has tried to share things

with them and help them, but that they decided they just wanted to do things

their way and they finally just tuned out to anything she had to say. So what

do you do with that?

Well, if you've gotten this far, God Bless You, and help! I'm really trying

not to overreact here, but I just don't know what to think at this point.

At the end of the day, I just want Shelby to do well. I don't ever want her

behavior to get in the way of her learning. At the same time, I just wish

they would do their job, quite complaining, and be a little more creative and

flexible. I'm worried that they are going to try and control her so much, that

she will stop loving to learn and be at school. After all, learning needs

to be fun, right. Besides, how is a student that is supposed to get 100%

support, able to leave the class so much? They've always said that it happens

when the aide either isn't there or is busy with another student. Sounds like

Shelby isn't getting 100% support then doesn't it?

Thanks for listening. I welcome your input!

Sandi -

Mom to Shelby (8w/DS), Stuart (4) and (3)

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