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Kathleen,

I can totally relate. When it comes to this household my husband becomes

total duh man. It is the same scenario every time I ask him to get the girls

dressed to go somewhere. He always asks do they have anything to wear. Um yes

in their closet which is the mysterious land he has yet to explore. So I have

to go upstairs get their clothes and hand them to him. He will then ask you

want them to wear this? Duh yes I handed it to you did I not? He will then

get them dressed grab the car keys and head for the door. I am like hello

they need bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, snacks, etc. Each and every

time it's like a big revelation to him and he will say oh well you'll get all

that won't you. Well gee I guess I'll have to unless you want to ride around

with stinking hungry kids. He's a totally hopeless case it's not like we have

a newborn we have been doing this for 2 1/2 years.

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>

>

> Anyhoo, I think I will collect IWS case studies, publish them,

start

> my talk show, magazine, etc...I'll be the next Oprah. Or Martha.

> But then I would have to do some insider trading, so that might not

> be so good....

>

> Whaddya think?

>

> Kathleen

I think you'll make MILLIONS upon MILLIONS upon MILLIONS!! Sometimes

I think they just don't " see things as we see things " ...or then again

maybe they don't want to <G>.

Colleen

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This is so weird! I came home from my second job last night, tired, PMS, and

jealous cause my DH has been on vacation all week. We don't have kids, but we

have a dog. Dog was fed, but bowl was in the middle of the floor, dishes in the

sink, clothes on the bed, you name it. He is in the bathroom shaving and lah

tee dah. I mean, everytime we cook together, talk about a mysterious land, he

will ask me the same thing he asked me last time, what dish do I use for this?

Where is this knife, so on and so on. Like he has never been in the kitchen

before.

Why is that men just expect the woman to do everything? I wonder what kind of

housekeeper his mother was? Did she not care?

This just makes me NOT want to have kids. If its like this now, what do I have

to look forward to?

Noelle

Re: OT: IWS

Kathleen,

I can totally relate. When it comes to this household my husband becomes

total duh man. It is the same scenario every time I ask him to get the girls

dressed to go somewhere. He always asks do they have anything to wear. Um yes

in their closet which is the mysterious land he has yet to explore. So I have

to go upstairs get their clothes and hand them to him. He will then ask you

want them to wear this? Duh yes I handed it to you did I not? He will then

get them dressed grab the car keys and head for the door. I am like hello

they need bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, snacks, etc. Each and every

time it's like a big revelation to him and he will say oh well you'll get all

that won't you. Well gee I guess I'll have to unless you want to ride around

with stinking hungry kids. He's a totally hopeless case it's not like we have

a newborn we have been doing this for 2 1/2 years.

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> This is so weird! I came home from my second job last night,

tired, PMS, and jealous cause my DH has been on vacation all week.

We don't have kids, but we have a dog. Dog was fed, but bowl was in

the middle of the floor, dishes in the sink, clothes on the bed, you

name it. He is in the bathroom shaving and lah tee dah. I mean,

everytime we cook together, talk about a mysterious land, he will ask

me the same thing he asked me last time, what dish do I use for

this? Where is this knife, so on and so on. Like he has never been

in the kitchen before.

> Why is that men just expect the woman to do everything? I wonder

what kind of housekeeper his mother was? Did she not care?

> This just makes me NOT want to have kids. If its like this now,

what do I have to look forward to?

> Noelle

My ex-boyfriend used to crack me up. Anytime he did anything around

the house, it was a " big deal " and he expected a huge pat on the

back! Whenever he'd put away the dishes, I'd get so frustrated

because he'd keep asking me " where does this go " , " where does this

go " ...now I'm still trying to figure out if he knew where it went

when he wante to use it, how come he couldn't remember where it went

when he put it away!!!

My current husband, bless his heart, is very helpful around the

house...but he's also been a bachelor for awhile so is more used to

doing things himself. He's not perfect, but then again neither am I

<G>. We're working on a system so that we don't have to do

the " chores " we hate and the other one volunteers to do them...so far

so good...then again we've only been married 10 months now!

Colleen

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I don't mean to bash my husband. He is wonderful to me. Its just frustrating

at times. He likes to hunt allot and fish allot and he always says the house is

clean when I think it is terrible. Men, just don't see things the way we do.

He will help if I ask. It's just that I have to ask. I just thought it was

funny all the postings about husbands and stuff when I had my fit last night.

I love him more than anything and love being married. Its just one of those

things you do I guess.

Noelle

Re: OT: IWS

> This is so weird! I came home from my second job last night,

tired, PMS, and jealous cause my DH has been on vacation all week.

We don't have kids, but we have a dog. Dog was fed, but bowl was in

the middle of the floor, dishes in the sink, clothes on the bed, you

name it. He is in the bathroom shaving and lah tee dah. I mean,

everytime we cook together, talk about a mysterious land, he will ask

me the same thing he asked me last time, what dish do I use for

this? Where is this knife, so on and so on. Like he has never been

in the kitchen before.

> Why is that men just expect the woman to do everything? I wonder

what kind of housekeeper his mother was? Did she not care?

> This just makes me NOT want to have kids. If its like this now,

what do I have to look forward to?

> Noelle

My ex-boyfriend used to crack me up. Anytime he did anything around

the house, it was a " big deal " and he expected a huge pat on the

back! Whenever he'd put away the dishes, I'd get so frustrated

because he'd keep asking me " where does this go " , " where does this

go " ...now I'm still trying to figure out if he knew where it went

when he wante to use it, how come he couldn't remember where it went

when he put it away!!!

My current husband, bless his heart, is very helpful around the

house...but he's also been a bachelor for awhile so is more used to

doing things himself. He's not perfect, but then again neither am I

<G>. We're working on a system so that we don't have to do

the " chores " we hate and the other one volunteers to do them...so far

so good...then again we've only been married 10 months now!

Colleen

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Yeah, every time I think I have my DH broken of something, he repeats

the mistake again. Why is it that they can get the kids in the car,

but they can't get the implements to go with the kids? Or they can

get the kids out of the car, but they can't get the diaper bag too?

Or they can put the sippy cup with milk on the counter, but they

can't rinse it out?

My husband is the master of asking, right when I am leaving of

course, is there anything I can do while you are gone? Yeah, you can

do what I do when I am at home. Pay the bills, do the dishes, sweep

the floor, clean the fridge out, let the dog out 5 times, pick up the

toys, put a load of laundry in, fill the water jug up for the fridge,

go to the store, play with the kids, get them something to eat,

change a diaper, take Aiden to the potty 14 times, etc. All he hears

is play with the kids. You know, I think I am just in a bad place

with all of this. Grouchy, I am!

LOL

Kathleen

> Kathleen,

>

> I can totally relate. When it comes to this household my husband

becomes

> total duh man. It is the same scenario every time I ask him to get

the girls

> dressed to go somewhere. He always asks do they have anything to

wear. Um yes

> in their closet which is the mysterious land he has yet to explore.

So I have

> to go upstairs get their clothes and hand them to him. He will then

ask you

> want them to wear this? Duh yes I handed it to you did I not? He

will then

> get them dressed grab the car keys and head for the door. I am like

hello

> they need bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, snacks, etc. Each

and every

> time it's like a big revelation to him and he will say oh well

you'll get all

> that won't you. Well gee I guess I'll have to unless you want to

ride around

> with stinking hungry kids. He's a totally hopeless case it's not

like we have

> a newborn we have been doing this for 2 1/2 years.

>

>

>

>

>

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> I don't mean to bash my husband. He is wonderful to me. Its just

frustrating at times. He likes to hunt allot and fish allot and he

always says the house is clean when I think it is terrible. Men,

just don't see things the way we do.

> He will help if I ask. It's just that I have to ask. I just

thought it was funny all the postings about husbands and stuff when I

had my fit last night.

> I love him more than anything and love being married. Its just one

of those things you do I guess.

> Noelle

I agree Noelle. I really think men see things differently or don't

necessarily see what we see. Sorry if I came across as thinking you

were bashing him. I took it all in jest :)

Colleen

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> My ex-boyfriend used to crack me up. Anytime he did anything around

> the house, it was a " big deal " and he expected a huge pat on the

> back! Whenever he'd put away the dishes, I'd get so frustrated

> because he'd keep asking me " where does this go " , " where does this

> go " ...now I'm still trying to figure out if he knew where it went

> when he wante to use it, how come he couldn't remember where it

went

> when he put it away!!!

>

> My current husband, bless his heart, is very helpful around the

> house...but he's also been a bachelor for awhile so is more used to

> doing things himself. He's not perfect, but then again neither am

I

> <G>. We're working on a system so that we don't have to do

> the " chores " we hate and the other one volunteers to do them...so

far

> so good...then again we've only been married 10 months now!

>

> Colleen

Okay, I can totally relate to the huge pat on the back thing. For

years, I have been trying to get my husband to contain his mess

around the bed and in the bathroom. I.E. pick up clothes and hang

them up or put them in the hamper, pick up books and magazines and

put them in a stack or in your nightstand. After one week of doing

it he is like, " Did you notice what I did this week? " Uh, yeah, you

actually picked up after yourself. Woohoo!

I will say that he and I do divide chores quite evenly. Like I said

I don't do toilets. I'll do the whole rest of the bathroom, but I

hate cleaning toilets. It totally grosses me out. If he cooks, I

clean dishes. I don't have a lot of room to complain, really, like I

said, I just have IWS right now. It is about an every 8-12 week

occurrence.

:)

Kathleen

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Oh, I simply have to address this. How about when there is something

lying there and the hubby passes by it 99 times without saying

anything. On the 100th time he says " why doesn't someone pick this

up? " My DH tricked me into thinking he cooked all the time because

while we were dating he made all these elaborate meals. Well once the

wedding rings were exchanged that was his last appearance in the

kitchen except to say " what's to eat? "

I read this somewhere about how to cure husbands who don't " get it. "

When he leaves in the morning for work don't do any more cleaning or

picking up, don't even clean up the kids even if it kills you for the

rest of the day. Not the washing, not the breakfast dishes, just move

them over to make room for the lunch dishes, etc. Don't clean the

ketchup off the walls or wipe up anything spilled. When he gets home

he will say " what happened here? " Just tell him that all that time

when he wondered what you did all day, today you didn't do it. I'd

employ this tactic myself if I weren't certain that I would be the

one to ultimately clean it up.

How about the " where's my wallet/glasses/keys? I don't know, I don't

use your wallet/glasses/keys.

Just last night daughter was angry and slammed the french door so

hard it got stuck and wouldn't open. DH is not mechanically inclined

so he took off doorknob to try to fix it and when he was done there

were two holes in the door where the knob and lock used to be and

it's 94 degrees outside. Thinking I was totally incompetent he told

me not to mess with it. I promptly told 9 year old son to go outside

on the other side of the door and hold the knob and in 2 minutes all

was back together. No thank you, no kiss my #$%, nothing from DH.

Thanks for letting me give my two cents.

If you make your millions don't forget to remember me in the

acknowledgements.

Stasia

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I know what happened to my DH. He grew up with a live in housekeeper

and she picked everything up. He never did learn to pick up after

himself and this spoiled him. His mother was civic minded and absent

a lot so in his mind those who pick up and clean are " subordinate "

and those jobs aren't fit for him to do. gawd.

Stasia

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> I read this somewhere about how to cure husbands who don't " get

it. "

> When he leaves in the morning for work don't do any more cleaning

or

> picking up, don't even clean up the kids even if it kills you for

the

> rest of the day. Not the washing, not the breakfast dishes, just

move

> them over to make room for the lunch dishes, etc. Don't clean the

> ketchup off the walls or wipe up anything spilled. When he gets

home

> he will say " what happened here? " Just tell him that all that time

> when he wondered what you did all day, today you didn't do it. I'd

> employ this tactic myself if I weren't certain that I would be the

> one to ultimately clean it up.

Oh, Stasia! I am right there with you. Maybe it is a mixed blessing

if my DH doesn't care if the house is picked up or not, or if the

dishes are done or not, or if the floor is swept or not. Somehow I

don't always see the positive in that!

LOL

Kathleen

PS, I'll for sure include you in the credits! :)

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Colleen:

I had to say that to myself, to remind myself how wonderful he really is LOL :)

so I don't get really pissed.!!:)

Noelle

Re: OT: IWS

> I don't mean to bash my husband. He is wonderful to me. Its just

frustrating at times. He likes to hunt allot and fish allot and he

always says the house is clean when I think it is terrible. Men,

just don't see things the way we do.

> He will help if I ask. It's just that I have to ask. I just

thought it was funny all the postings about husbands and stuff when I

had my fit last night.

> I love him more than anything and love being married. Its just one

of those things you do I guess.

> Noelle

I agree Noelle. I really think men see things differently or don't

necessarily see what we see. Sorry if I came across as thinking you

were bashing him. I took it all in jest :)

Colleen

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LOL! That's how my husband is. He is great around the house, on

weekends and things, and he does so much (even cooks most of the

time!) But for some reason, he seems to think we have like these

parties while he's away at work! I know he's jealous, and I would be

too, I'm sure. I feel bad, cuz I certainly wish he could stay at home

with them too! It is frustrating though. The only complaint I really

have is when he gets home, all he wants to do is chill out. When he

gets home, what I really want to do is get a break from the girls!

That never seems to happen though! :)

> > Kathleen,

> >

> > I can totally relate. When it comes to this household my husband

> becomes

> > total duh man. It is the same scenario every time I ask him to

get

> the girls

> > dressed to go somewhere. He always asks do they have anything to

> wear. Um yes

> > in their closet which is the mysterious land he has yet to

explore.

> So I have

> > to go upstairs get their clothes and hand them to him. He will

then

> ask you

> > want them to wear this? Duh yes I handed it to you did I not? He

> will then

> > get them dressed grab the car keys and head for the door. I am

like

> hello

> > they need bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, snacks, etc. Each

> and every

> > time it's like a big revelation to him and he will say oh well

> you'll get all

> > that won't you. Well gee I guess I'll have to unless you want to

> ride around

> > with stinking hungry kids. He's a totally hopeless case it's not

> like we have

> > a newborn we have been doing this for 2 1/2 years.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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You're hilarious!!! Boy, can I relate - sounds like a great idea! LOL :)

Kim

OT: IWS

I am posting this as Off Topic because it really has nothing to do

with BFL, just something I thought I would share.

I have decided how I am going to make my millions and live the

lifestyle I want to be accustomed to. I am going to publish my

experiences and expertise with IWS. What is IWS, you ask? Well,

this came to me last night at 1:15 am after getting home from playing

bridge with my mom's buddies and AFTER carrying both children from

the car up to bed and then lugging all of the other child-related

stuff in from the car WITHOUT any help from my sleeping husband. IWS

is " Irritated Wife Syndrome " . There is a strong possibility that IWS

is related to PMS, but I don't think that it is tied to it directly.

I know that I don't have to be pre-menstrual to have IWS, but more

studies might need to be done than my own personal case study!

Now, not to give you the wrong impression. My husband is a great

guy. I really can't complain (too) much about him. He cooks (when I

ask), he watches the kids (when I ask), he cleans the toilets (I

never ask about this because I don't 'do' toilets), he is doing BFL

with me. But sometimes it just seems like he doesn't get 'it'! He

gives me lots of kudos and praise for staying at home with the kids,

but at the same time doesn't seem to give much credence to my hard

days. I haven't broached this subject for awhile with him, but will

have to do it again soon. It seems to come back to the fact that it

was my choice to stay home with the kids (really this is a mutual

decision, discussed since we were married--just had anniv. #6).

Kids, aside, though. Doesn't it make you nuts when you have emptied

the dish drain for the 3rd time of the day and they put a cup in the

sink? Hello, put it in the dishwasher or wash it yourself schmuck!

Anyhoo, I think I will collect IWS case studies, publish them, start

my talk show, magazine, etc...I'll be the next Oprah. Or Martha.

But then I would have to do some insider trading, so that might not

be so good....

Whaddya think?

Kathleen

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He will ask if we have any clean towels while standing in front of a cabinet

full of towels. He will also use the same towel forever. I think he is afraid

if he loses it he will never be able to find another one. lol

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- does he still ask you where you keep the towels? My late husband

always did. lol

Rita

Re: OT: IWS

Kathleen,

I can totally relate. When it comes to this household my husband becomes

total duh man. It is the same scenario every time I ask him to get the girls

dressed to go somewhere. He always asks do they have anything to wear. Um yes

in their closet which is the mysterious land he has yet to explore. So I have

to go upstairs get their clothes and hand them to him. He will then ask you

want them to wear this? Duh yes I handed it to you did I not? He will then

get them dressed grab the car keys and head for the door. I am like hello

they need bottles, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, snacks, etc. Each and every

time it's like a big revelation to him and he will say oh well you'll get all

that won't you. Well gee I guess I'll have to unless you want to ride around

with stinking hungry kids. He's a totally hopeless case it's not like we have

a newborn we have been doing this for 2 1/2 years.

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Sounds like you're on the right track Colleen! Any guy who is willing to

compromise like that is a GEM!

Rita

Re: OT: IWS

> This is so weird! I came home from my second job last night,

tired, PMS, and jealous cause my DH has been on vacation all week.

We don't have kids, but we have a dog. Dog was fed, but bowl was in

the middle of the floor, dishes in the sink, clothes on the bed, you

name it. He is in the bathroom shaving and lah tee dah. I mean,

everytime we cook together, talk about a mysterious land, he will ask

me the same thing he asked me last time, what dish do I use for

this? Where is this knife, so on and so on. Like he has never been

in the kitchen before.

> Why is that men just expect the woman to do everything? I wonder

what kind of housekeeper his mother was? Did she not care?

> This just makes me NOT want to have kids. If its like this now,

what do I have to look forward to?

> Noelle

My ex-boyfriend used to crack me up. Anytime he did anything around

the house, it was a " big deal " and he expected a huge pat on the

back! Whenever he'd put away the dishes, I'd get so frustrated

because he'd keep asking me " where does this go " , " where does this

go " ...now I'm still trying to figure out if he knew where it went

when he wante to use it, how come he couldn't remember where it went

when he put it away!!!

My current husband, bless his heart, is very helpful around the

house...but he's also been a bachelor for awhile so is more used to

doing things himself. He's not perfect, but then again neither am I

<G>. We're working on a system so that we don't have to do

the " chores " we hate and the other one volunteers to do them...so far

so good...then again we've only been married 10 months now!

Colleen

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> - does he still ask you where you keep the towels? My

late husband always did. lol

> Rita

Or how about how they open the fridge, stand there and say " Where's

the milk? " . (Like the uterus is a tracking device for any lost item

they can't find LOL!)

Jan

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good one! lol

Re: OT: IWS

> - does he still ask you where you keep the towels? My

late husband always did. lol

> Rita

Or how about how they open the fridge, stand there and say " Where's

the milk? " . (Like the uterus is a tracking device for any lost item

they can't find LOL!)

Jan

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LOL!!!

Re: OT: IWS

He will ask if we have any clean towels while standing in front of a cabinet

full of towels. He will also use the same towel forever. I think he is afraid

if he loses it he will never be able to find another one. lol

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In a message dated 7/3/2002 10:02:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,

ribar@... writes:

> - does he still ask you where you keep the towels

I've been reading all the posts about husbands, etc. and have to chuckle....I

am 53 and married to a close-to-perfect husband. Yesterday was our 7th

anniversary. But I was married once in my 20's and once in my 30's and I

certainly would never use the word " near-perfect " in the same sentence with

either of their names. But I was younger and I think we bring some of this on

ourselfves as women. When I was younger, I jumped in and DID more...I assumed

99% of the child raising with husband #1 (the father of the kids) and 100%

with husband number 2 (step father), then would get PISSED because the

husband-of-the-moment wasn't assuming more responsibility. I cooked and

cleaned and did the grocery shopping and laundry and pretty much hated the

way the marriage was setup in the sharing-responsiblity department. But,

hell, I had started out one way and then wanted it another. I was in my 40's

when I met husand number 3 and from day one he has done the cooking and

laundry and I mow the lawn (because I LOVE to) and its been great but I was a

different woman in the beginning of this marriage than I was in the first

two. Does that make sense? a

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In a message dated 7/3/2002 10:13:00 PM Eastern Standard Time,

no_reply writes:

> Or how about how they open the fridge, stand there and say " Where's

> the milk? " . (Like the uterus is a tracking device for any lost item

> they can't find LOL!)

>

Oh, I'm laughing over that. I raised two boys (now age 28 and 30) and I was

determined that they were not going to turn out to be like the rest of the

helpless gender. My big line that they remember vividly was this WHERE IS IT

WRITTEN THAT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE THE ONLY OVARIES IN THE HOUSE, THAT I AM THE

ONLY ONE WHO CAN -------(and here you fill in the blank with FIND SOCKS, DO

LAUNDRY, WASH DISHES, ETC.)

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> In a message dated 7/3/2002 10:02:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> ribar@n... writes:

>

>

> > - does he still ask you where you keep the towels

>

> I've been reading all the posts about husbands, etc. and have to

chuckle....I

> am 53 and married to a close-to-perfect husband. Yesterday was our

7th

> anniversary. But I was married once in my 20's and once in my 30's

and I

> certainly would never use the word " near-perfect " in the same

sentence with

> either of their names. But I was younger and I think we bring some

of this on

> ourselfves as women. When I was younger, I jumped in and DID

more...I assumed

> 99% of the child raising with husband #1 (the father of the kids)

and 100%

> with husband number 2 (step father), then would get PISSED because

the

> husband-of-the-moment wasn't assuming more responsibility. I cooked

and

> cleaned and did the grocery shopping and laundry and pretty much

hated the

> way the marriage was setup in the sharing-responsiblity department.

But,

> hell, I had started out one way and then wanted it another. I was

in my 40's

> when I met husand number 3 and from day one he has done the cooking

and

> laundry and I mow the lawn (because I LOVE to) and its been great

but I was a

> different woman in the beginning of this marriage than I was in the

first

> two. Does that make sense? a

>

a,

Sounds great. I was married for 8 years and have been divorced for 7.

My ex and I " date " . I used to get so mad that he never helped around

the house, would always show up late from work and many other

things....now living apart he, surprisingly, stops by to help me with

yard work, takes me out for dinner and we went on a cruise in

January. When we were married he wouldn't ever take off to go on

vacation. Go figure. I'm much happier now having a life that doesn't

revolve around someone else's priorities. I agree with you. We tend

to go overboard on that accomodation thing when we're younger.

Jan

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Glad it worked out for you ... in an odd way for sure but whatever works, right?

Rita

Re: OT: IWS

> In a message dated 7/3/2002 10:02:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> ribar@n... writes:

>

>

> > - does he still ask you where you keep the towels

>

> I've been reading all the posts about husbands, etc. and have to

chuckle....I

> am 53 and married to a close-to-perfect husband. Yesterday was our

7th

> anniversary. But I was married once in my 20's and once in my 30's

and I

> certainly would never use the word " near-perfect " in the same

sentence with

> either of their names. But I was younger and I think we bring some

of this on

> ourselfves as women. When I was younger, I jumped in and DID

more...I assumed

> 99% of the child raising with husband #1 (the father of the kids)

and 100%

> with husband number 2 (step father), then would get PISSED because

the

> husband-of-the-moment wasn't assuming more responsibility. I cooked

and

> cleaned and did the grocery shopping and laundry and pretty much

hated the

> way the marriage was setup in the sharing-responsiblity department.

But,

> hell, I had started out one way and then wanted it another. I was

in my 40's

> when I met husand number 3 and from day one he has done the cooking

and

> laundry and I mow the lawn (because I LOVE to) and its been great

but I was a

> different woman in the beginning of this marriage than I was in the

first

> two. Does that make sense? a

>

a,

Sounds great. I was married for 8 years and have been divorced for 7.

My ex and I " date " . I used to get so mad that he never helped around

the house, would always show up late from work and many other

things....now living apart he, surprisingly, stops by to help me with

yard work, takes me out for dinner and we went on a cruise in

January. When we were married he wouldn't ever take off to go on

vacation. Go figure. I'm much happier now having a life that doesn't

revolve around someone else's priorities. I agree with you. We tend

to go overboard on that accomodation thing when we're younger.

Jan

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In a message dated 7/4/2002 6:02:01 PM Eastern Standard Time,

tannerk_99@... writes:

> I would probably have IWS even if DH did

> all the things I asked!

>

Well, sometimes they just can't help being ANNOYING! Its part of their

species

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