how do I know.....

[Guest guest]

Hi,

We are in the process of getting a meeting to discuss 's

behavior (mostly refusing to work) with the regular ed teacher, aide,

inclusion specialist, and brand new, fresh-out-of-school resource

teacher, which is fine (the meeting is at their request). What my

problem is, at 's IEP (in Nov and Dec), we discussed a plan for

" refusing to work " . So, what I felt was that if was refusing

to do math, offer other choices....... after all, she has a 1:1..... if

she wouldn't do her math, but would do her spelling, I didn't care the

order...... much better then just sitting for an hour doing nothing!

School psych stated all kids did best with choices (imagine that!), and

that should be what was done when refused to do something.

The inclusion specialist thought choices were a good idea, but didn't

like swapping subjects..... if it was math time, and wouldn't

do it, she shouldn't be " rewarded " by getting to write in her journal or

do spelling. Again, my thought was, as long as it all gets done, I'd

rather have her working on something academic then just sitting.......

kind of like letting your toddlers choose foods, and even though they

may eat only PBJ for a week, pediatricians believe that it will even

out, and they will get all the nutrition they need. I though we could

at least try it, and if she never would do a particular thing, then

obviously we'd have to find another way. They refused to even try

that..... it was definitly their idea that giving her choices of what

assignment to work on would " reward " her stubbornness. Again, I

reminded them that this " stubbornness " was often because she was being

hard on herself (words not written correctly), or she didn't know where

to start, not " stubborness without reason " ., so perhaps changing things

could break the cycle. No, it would be a reward. So, choices were

suggested like:

* Do you want to do your math paper, or go get a drink first, and then

do your math?

* Would you like to write your spelling words with the pink pencil, or

the sparkley pencil?

* Would you like to take a break and walk around the classroom 3 times,

and then do your writing, or would you rather write now?

They school psychologist is great, and she rattled off a list of at

least 20 such suggestions that would give control, yet not

take her away from the subject at hand (though I'm not sure, but I don't

think she cared if she switched assignments either).

So, on her daily behavior card, I am notified of all thie things she's

not doing (as well as they things she is doing), yet I have no idea what

they did after the refusal. I don't believe the aide nor the teacher

really " bought-in " to this plan, and I highly doubt they are doing it

(and if they are, they give one choice, it doesn't work, and she's

written up as not doing work). How do I get this documented without

starting a war? To suggest that they are not following the plan will

cause stress and strife, but I don't think they are. How do I find

out? What should I do/say at the meeting to make sure we are all on the

same page of the IEP? I don't want to say anything before the meeting

because I don't want the teacher and aide to know what I'm thinking

yet..... I want others in attendance when they try to justify how they

are giving her choices, yet she still refuses (which may in fact be the

case sometimes, but how do I know?)

Thanks,

, mom to (9), (7 DS), and (5)