re: Jackass

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry, I know I am very mean, but I cannot stop myself from

laughing......

Ling

Jackass (dedicated to 'Randy', the faceless internet

creep, you wouldn't wanna know)

> *JACKASS*

>

> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad

day

> when you just need to take it out on someone:

> Don't take that bad day out on someone

> you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know!

> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk,

> when I remembered a phone call I had to make.

> I found the number and dialed it.

> A man answered nicely saying, " Hello? " I politely

> said,

> " This is Hanifin and could I please speak to

> Robin ? "

> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me!

> I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.

> I tracked down Robin's correct number and called

> her.

> She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.

> After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong

> number still lying

> there on my desk.

> I decided to call it again. When the same person

> once more answered,

> I yelled, " You're a jackass! " and hung up.

> Next to his phone number I wrote the word " jackass " ,

> and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,

>

> when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,

> I'd call him up.

> He'd answer, and I'd yell, " You're a jackass! "

> It would always cheer me up.

> Later in the year the Phone Company introduced

> caller ID.

> This was a real disappointment for me, I would have

> to stop calling

> the jackass.

> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number,

> then heard his

> voice say, " Hello. " I made up a name.

> " Hi. This is the sales office of the Telephone

> Company and I'm just

> calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID

> program? "

> He went, " No! " and slammed the phone down. I quickly

> called him back

> and said, " That's because you're a jackass! "

> The reason I took the time to tell you this story,

> is to show you

> how if there's ever anything really bothering you,

> you can

> do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

> The old lady at the mall really took her time

> pulling out of the parking space.

> I didn't think she was ever going to leave.

> Finally, her car began to move and she started to

> very slowly back out of the slot.

> I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room

> to pull out.

> Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a

> sudden this black

> Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the wrong

> direction and

> pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and

> yelling, " You can't

> just do that, Buddy. I was here first! "

> The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely

> ignoring me. He walked

> toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I

> thought to myself, this

> guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in

> this world. I noticed

> he had a " For Sale " sign in the back window of his

> car. I wrote down the

> number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

> A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my

> desk. I had just

> gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and

> yelling, " You're a

> jackass! " (It's really easy to call him now since I

> have his number on

> speed dial.)

> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black

> Camaro lying on

> my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

> After a couple rings someone answered the phone and

> said, " Hello. "

> I said, " Is this the man with the black Camaro for

> sale? "

> " Yes, it is. "

> " Can you tell me where I can see it? "

> " Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow

> house and the

> car's parked right out front. "

> I said, " What's your name? "

> " My name is Don Hansen. "

> " When's a good time to catch you, Don? "

> " I'm home in the evenings. "

> " Listen Don, can I tell you something? "

> " Yes. "

> " Don, you're a jackass! " And I slammed the phone

> down.

> After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my

> speed dialer. For

> a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now

> when I had a

> problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after

> several months of

> calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it

> just wasn't as

> enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some

> serious thought and

> came up with a solution:

> First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man

> answered nicely saying,

> " Hello. "

> I yelled " You're a jackass! " but I didn't hang up.

> The jackass said, " Are you still there? "

> I said, " Yeah. "

> He said, " Stop calling me. "

> I said, " No. "

> He said, " What's you name, pal? "

> I said, " Don Hansen. "

> He said, " Where do you live? "

> " 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my

> black Camaro's

> parked out front. "

> " I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start

> saying your

> prayers. "

> " Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass! " and I hung

> up. Then I

> called Jackass #2.

> He answered, " Hello. "

> I said, " Hello, Jackass! "

> He said, " If I ever find out who you are... "

> " You'll what? "

> " I'll kick your butt. "

> " Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now

> Jackass! "

> And I hung up.

> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I

> told them I was

> at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to

> kill my gay lover as

> soon as he got home.

> Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war

> going on down W.

> 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and

> headed over to 34th

> Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious watching

> two Jackasses kicking

> the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars

> and a police

> helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my

> life!

> Name withheld to protect the guilty.

>

[Guest guest]

Me too Anne!

[Guest guest]

Subject: Re: Jackass

I'm sorry, I know I am very mean, but I cannot stop

myself fromlaughing......

Ling

Me too!

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