Guest guest Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 If I hadn't developed a truly BIZARRE sense of humor by now (with one ASD child at 17 years old and one ASD child at 12 years old) I would have totally cracked up a long, long time ago. (Of course, some people will say I DID crack up a long time ago.... Now, I choose (and it is a choice) to look back on some of our most HORRIBLE situations and laugh at them...because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER BELIEVE THEM!!! I always tell " " and " " stories...one of my favorites is when decided to handcuff herself to the file cabinet in the Behavioral health clinic at Cook Children's because she was having too much fun playing with the psychologists toys and didn't want to leave...needless to say there were five Sigmund Freud's out in the hall rubbing their chins and saying " hmmm " when they heard her screaming. Funny...6 pediatric psychiatrists, and none of them had a clue what to do! That was a lovely one night pass to the psych unit... Or there is always the time escaped outside, naked, when he was about 3 years old after a storm. I was trying to chase him so he wouldn't get hurt on the debris in the back yard, and ended up impaling myself on a section of 6 foot wooden fence. I couldn't move....I was stuck out in the backyard with this naked child going who knows where (all over the neighborhood I am sure) and me trying to get him to bring me the cordless phone from the house....except he didn't understand requests then, so....it was a really LONG afternoon out there with my foot nailed to a fence.... Or there was the time that....well, you get the point. NO ONE who didn't live with autism would EVER believe this stuff...you coudln't MAKE UP stuff this strange! But, looking back, it sure is funny now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 If I hadn't developed a truly BIZARRE sense of humor by now (with one ASD child at 17 years old and one ASD child at 12 years old) I would have totally cracked up a long, long time ago. (Of course, some people will say I DID crack up a long time ago.... Now, I choose (and it is a choice) to look back on some of our most HORRIBLE situations and laugh at them...because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER BELIEVE THEM!!! I always tell " " and " " stories...one of my favorites is when decided to handcuff herself to the file cabinet in the Behavioral health clinic at Cook Children's because she was having too much fun playing with the psychologists toys and didn't want to leave...needless to say there were five Sigmund Freud's out in the hall rubbing their chins and saying " hmmm " when they heard her screaming. Funny...6 pediatric psychiatrists, and none of them had a clue what to do! That was a lovely one night pass to the psych unit... Or there is always the time escaped outside, naked, when he was about 3 years old after a storm. I was trying to chase him so he wouldn't get hurt on the debris in the back yard, and ended up impaling myself on a section of 6 foot wooden fence. I couldn't move....I was stuck out in the backyard with this naked child going who knows where (all over the neighborhood I am sure) and me trying to get him to bring me the cordless phone from the house....except he didn't understand requests then, so....it was a really LONG afternoon out there with my foot nailed to a fence.... Or there was the time that....well, you get the point. NO ONE who didn't live with autism would EVER believe this stuff...you coudln't MAKE UP stuff this strange! But, looking back, it sure is funny now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Thanks nna...I really enjoyed this--I laughed out loud at the " " story! You're right--who could make this stuff up? a re: Humor If I hadn't developed a truly BIZARRE sense of humor by now (with one ASD child at 17 years old and one ASD child at 12 years old) I would have totally cracked up a long, long time ago. (Of course, some people will say I DID crack up a long time ago.... Now, I choose (and it is a choice) to look back on some of our most HORRIBLE situations and laugh at them...because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER BELIEVE THEM!!! I always tell " " and " " stories...one of my favorites is when decided to handcuff herself to the file cabinet in the Behavioral health clinic at Cook Children's because she was having too much fun playing with the psychologists toys and didn't want to leave...needless to say there were five Sigmund Freud's out in the hall rubbing their chins and saying " hmmm " when they heard her screaming. Funny...6 pediatric psychiatrists, and none of them had a clue what to do! That was a lovely one night pass to the psych unit... Or there is always the time escaped outside, naked, when he was about 3 years old after a storm. I was trying to chase him so he wouldn't get hurt on the debris in the back yard, and ended up impaling myself on a section of 6 foot wooden fence. I couldn't move....I was stuck out in the backyard with this naked child going who knows where (all over the neighborhood I am sure) and me trying to get him to bring me the cordless phone from the house....except he didn't understand requests then, so....it was a really LONG afternoon out there with my foot nailed to a fence.... Or there was the time that....well, you get the point. NO ONE who didn't live with autism would EVER believe this stuff...you coudln't MAKE UP stuff this strange! But, looking back, it sure is funny now! Texas Autism Advocacy Unlocking Autism www.UnlockingAutism.org Autism-Awareness-Action Worldwide internet group for parents who have a child with AUTISM. SeekingJoyinDisability - Prayer support for those touched by Disability: SeekingJoyinDisability/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Thanks nna! Made me remember when my sister was roofing her house. She had the whole family up there stripping shingles. Her daughter jerked loose a whole row and didn't realize she flipped my sister off the roof in the process. She landed in a tree in the front yard hanging by the front of her bra with her feet off the ground. When she finally got loose and climbed back on the roof to chew her daughter out, her husband was pissed cause she didn't bring shingles up with her and the daughter was asking why everyone was slowing down and honking. Sandi was ready to kill them all. Believe it or not, they're all considered " typical " ! Tonya ------------------------------------ Texas Federation of Families Tonya Hettler Trainer thettler@... Route 2 Box 181 Idalou, TX 79329 mobile: (806) 544-0347 http://www.txffcmh.org w-i-n/ ------------------------------------ re: Humor If I hadn't developed a truly BIZARRE sense of humor by now (with one ASD child at 17 years old and one ASD child at 12 years old) I would have totally cracked up a long, long time ago. (Of course, some people will say I DID crack up a long time ago.... Now, I choose (and it is a choice) to look back on some of our most HORRIBLE situations and laugh at them...because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER BELIEVE THEM!!! I always tell " " and " " stories...one of my favorites is when decided to handcuff herself to the file cabinet in the Behavioral health clinic at Cook Children's because she was having too much fun playing with the psychologists toys and didn't want to leave...needless to say there were five Sigmund Freud's out in the hall rubbing their chins and saying " hmmm " when they heard her screaming. Funny...6 pediatric psychiatrists, and none of them had a clue what to do! That was a lovely one night pass to the psych unit... Or there is always the time escaped outside, naked, when he was about 3 years old after a storm. I was trying to chase him so he wouldn't get hurt on the debris in the back yard, and ended up impaling myself on a section of 6 foot wooden fence. I couldn't move....I was stuck out in the backyard with this naked child going who knows where (all over the neighborhood I am sure) and me trying to get him to bring me the cordless phone from the house....except he didn't understand requests then, so....it was a really LONG afternoon out there with my foot nailed to a fence.... Or there was the time that....well, you get the point. NO ONE who didn't live with autism would EVER believe this stuff...you coudln't MAKE UP stuff this strange! But, looking back, it sure is funny now! Texas Autism Advocacy Unlocking Autism www.UnlockingAutism.org Autism-Awareness-Action Worldwide internet group for parents who have a child with AUTISM. SeekingJoyinDisability - Prayer support for those touched by Disability: SeekingJoyinDisability/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 30, 2004 Report Share Posted July 30, 2004 Yes, I think the handcuff story is my all time favorite, although I do have some others that are pretty good, too. Why the therapist had handcuffs...that is actually the same question that the brilliant pediatric psychiatrists finally ended up asking the psychologist after they quite rubbing their chins and saying " hmmm " ! What is even worse is, even though not a single person in that clinic knew how to talk her down, a security guard who finally came in (probably had all of a high school education, redirected her, and within 10 minutes she was fine. (of course, the psychiatrists still insisted on hospitalizing her!) The only thing I kept thinking the whole time was in that whole office of " educated " people (who knows how many years of medical school combined they had in there), all it took was somebody with a little common sense to handle the situation! Then there is always the battery throwing in the grocery store and giving my son to a total stranger who he then bit on the ear story, but I digress! nna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2005 Report Share Posted December 3, 2005 oh that last sentence!!!! I hope you are not drinking or eating anything when you read it Humor > > As I will be turning 30......again.......this month thought I would share > some humor that was sent my way. > Barb > > > This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are > turning 30... and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's... > AND > for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!... This was written by Andy > Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. > > Andy Rooney says: > > As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just > a > few reasons why: > A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, > " What > are you thinking? " She doesn't care what you think. > > If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around > whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually > something more interesting. > > A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, > what > she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a > damn what you might think about her or what she's doing. > > Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you > at > the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you > deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get > away with it. > > Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what > it's > like to be unappreciated. > > A woman over 30 has the > self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with > a > man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the > guy > with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to > her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. > > > Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a > woman over 30. They always know. > > A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true > of > younger women. > Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her > younger counterpart. > > Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you > are > a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you > stand with her. > > Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. > Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, > well-coiffed > hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a > fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. > > Ladies, I apologize. > > For all those men who say, " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for > free " . Here's an update for you. > Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? > Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a > little sausage. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2005 Report Share Posted December 3, 2005 I am pretty sure this was orginally women " over 40 " . in Dallas and over 40 Humor > > As I will be turning 30......again.......this month thought I would share some humor that was sent my way. > Barb > > > This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are > turning 30... and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's... AND > for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!... This was written by Andy > Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. > > Andy Rooney says: > > As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a > few reasons why: > A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, " What > are you thinking? " She doesn't care what you think. > > If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around > whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually > something more interesting. > > A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what > she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a > damn what you might think about her or what she's doing. > > Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at > the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you > deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get > away with it. > > Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's > like to be unappreciated. > > A woman over 30 has the > self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a > man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy > with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to > her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. > > > Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a > woman over 30. They always know. > > A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of > younger women. > Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her > younger counterpart. > > Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are > a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you > stand with her. > > Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. > Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed > hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a > fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. > > Ladies, I apologize. > > For all those men who say, " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for > free " . Here's an update for you. > Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? > Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a > little sausage. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 True. Reverse racism is one of the only things the comedians are latching onto for their scripts. It seems like reverse racism is "Americas' answer to racism". I would take your advice to the next level and say, let the races that are causing the most trouble with people outside their race be banished from the people outside their own race. I'ts a simple, highly effective solution. Then there wouldn't be "Islamic" terrorists chopping people's heads off in Amsterdam. Of course, white slavery isn't getting the needed publicity like black slavery has even a hundred and fifty years later. I don't believe in hostility but, I won't associate with a race that is not concerned about it's neighbors and only complains. Silence is murder and innocent bystanders have no excuse. Inger Lorelei <inglori@...> wrote: And from lack of humor... ;-) I do think that it is only cool to joke with one's OWN culture or religion, though (the Jewish jokes Rainbow mentioned being a great example). To do so with someone ELSE'S is usually an underhanded form of hostility that's just not respectful. ('Humor' is probably THE most widely used weapon in the history of the planet.) Inger Re: Re: Muslims More people have needlessly died in the name of religion than anything else in history. VISIGOTH@... wrote: In a message dated 1/23/2006 5:45:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, rainbow@... writes: To not be able to laugh at oneself implies the lack of a sense of humor. There is a difference between jokes and malice. The program in question is full of very negative images of Christians and how they are portrayed. There are Christians who make fun in Christians, but this isn't humor, it is intentionally insulting. As for asking if such a show would be made about muslims was simply a question. I don't think it would be because there would be lawsuits like a blizzard because it would violate PC in a major way. If you think I'm wrong, just read the news. England had been pretty tough enforcing its PC speech codes against Christians and others. However, when complaints were filed against Muslims "dissing" homosexuals, they have backed off of enforcement of the law all of a sudden. That's in the news and really is happening. Now I really don't want to get into an argument over hurting muslim's feelings. I see that as pointless since the blame will always cycle back to the Christians, as if the muslims are totally blameless since its founding by Mohammed. Sorry that just doesn't fly. What are the most popular cars? Find out at Autos Photos Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 True. Reverse racism is one of the only things the comedians are latching onto for their scripts. It seems like reverse racism is "Americas' answer to racism". I would take your advice to the next level and say, let the races that are causing the most trouble with people outside their race be banished from the people outside their own race. I'ts a simple, highly effective solution. Then there wouldn't be "Islamic" terrorists chopping people's heads off in Amsterdam. Of course, white slavery isn't getting the needed publicity like black slavery has even a hundred and fifty years later. I don't believe in hostility but, I won't associate with a race that is not concerned about it's neighbors and only complains. Silence is murder and innocent bystanders have no excuse. Inger Lorelei <inglori@...> wrote: And from lack of humor... ;-) I do think that it is only cool to joke with one's OWN culture or religion, though (the Jewish jokes Rainbow mentioned being a great example). To do so with someone ELSE'S is usually an underhanded form of hostility that's just not respectful. ('Humor' is probably THE most widely used weapon in the history of the planet.) Inger Re: Re: Muslims More people have needlessly died in the name of religion than anything else in history. VISIGOTH@... wrote: In a message dated 1/23/2006 5:45:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, rainbow@... writes: To not be able to laugh at oneself implies the lack of a sense of humor. There is a difference between jokes and malice. The program in question is full of very negative images of Christians and how they are portrayed. There are Christians who make fun in Christians, but this isn't humor, it is intentionally insulting. As for asking if such a show would be made about muslims was simply a question. I don't think it would be because there would be lawsuits like a blizzard because it would violate PC in a major way. If you think I'm wrong, just read the news. England had been pretty tough enforcing its PC speech codes against Christians and others. However, when complaints were filed against Muslims "dissing" homosexuals, they have backed off of enforcement of the law all of a sudden. That's in the news and really is happening. Now I really don't want to get into an argument over hurting muslim's feelings. I see that as pointless since the blame will always cycle back to the Christians, as if the muslims are totally blameless since its founding by Mohammed. Sorry that just doesn't fly. What are the most popular cars? Find out at Autos Photos Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2006 Report Share Posted September 25, 2006 's name was mentioned in the context of humor and people with aspergers. (Was it on this list?) So I downloaded this from his site. I notice that a lot of his humor is about taking words literally? Like- "I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." I wonder if people with ASDs get these jokes quicker. The World According to I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me. What's another word for "thesaurus"? When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child . . . eventually. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!" I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that." I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go." I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops . . ." I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out. I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add. I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine. Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. My school colors were clear. I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter. I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing. When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!" My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it." I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time." My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides. He's in a minimum security prison now; he's on a whiffle-ball and chain. Hermits have no peer pressure. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories . There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID? I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday". I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer. I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read." It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out. I'm a peripheral visionary. I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O. Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas? The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year." Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? Hephaestus Clubfoothttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestushttp://www.pantheon.org/articles/h/hephaestus.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kabeiroi All-new - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2007 Report Share Posted February 20, 2007 Try a thigh with some Fava beans and a little Chianti.....mmmmmmm. I heard that it was one of Hannibal Lecter's favs. Good day and party on! Dick At 08:12 AM 2/20/2007, you wrote: Patty pooh, When I read you did them in the knee... I cringed... It's one of hose personel things (where do I want to stab myself today??? LOL..), did you do it above the knee cap? Even as taught and in shape as my six pak belly is..( Yeah.. Right!! hahah), it's a pony keg, I used the belly because of the meaty flesh, or the upper thigh, when mixed with basil is quite good!! Del Pat McBride <pmcbride1@...> wrote: I did my shots in my legs, above my knees..I would think in the belly area it would hurt more ..OUCH!.. how many here in group do it in the knee verses in the belly area?..Just curios..Hugs, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2009 Report Share Posted December 16, 2009 Bill what can i say you make the day when i read your postings where in Gods name to do come up with all this . As they say laughter is the best medicne. keep it comming. Sincerely, in Az Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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