VENT, and request for support

February 8, 2001

Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does that

make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now as

I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

(my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his medication

for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with him

at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up with

Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has a

very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant about

hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they promised

me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I am

carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and trying

to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I have

fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but radiation

is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

suggestions????

#1

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