Re: VENT, and request for support

[Guest guest]

,

Wow! It sounds like you are doing everything you can for Don. You too need a

ton of **HUGS** and **BIG BEAR HUGS** Love you lots and lots

Chelle

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry you are having it so rough. Yes there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel, It just seems to take some of us a long long time to get there... You can be very proud of yourself for all the things you do !!! My hats off to you.

^^^^^ angle hugs^^^^^

Helen

In a message dated 2/9/2001 2:40:40 AM Eastern Standard Time, handd1@... writes:

Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does that

make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now as

I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

(my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his medication

for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with him

at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up with

Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has a

very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant about

hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they promised

me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I am

carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and trying

to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I have

fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but radiation

is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

suggestions????

#1

[Guest guest]

,

*giggles* at the support virgin comment!! :-)

Hon,believe me when I say that I know exactly how hard it is to be a

caregiver. Plus, you have your illnesses, and just life in general on top of it

all. *huge hugs*

I don't think that it is above and beyond to ask Don to take more

responsibility for his own treatment. I don't mean that to sound heartless at

all, only that you, too, are ill, and you both need to make things as easy as

possible. I know that none of it is easy,

and I know that Don is sick and feels like shit most of the time. Matty was

treated on the heme/onc floor, and I saw what the kiddos with cancer went

through. It's certainly no picnic. My heart breaks for both of you.

It is imperative for a caregiver to take care of yourself, too. You will not

be able to help Don if you don't help yourself. I know this is easier said than

done, I often neglected myself for Matty's benefit, too. I would go for days and

days with little or no sleep

because Matty needed cared for. My only respite, as bad as it sounds, was when

Matty was in the hospital and there were 3 shifts of nurses there to care for

Matty's medical needs. But, that situation was different, because Matty was not

capable of taking care of

himself, ever. I think it is so very important for you and Don to sit down

together, for you to share with him how run down you feel, and for the two of

you to come up with a schedule that is more do-able for a mere human such as

yourself, because, girl, I have to

tell you, Wonder Woman couldn't keep up with the schedule you've had. *hugs*

To try to keep up this pace, hon, you're gonna burn out so fast...let me tell

you, because I burned out with Matty for a while, too, and it is no fun. You

become completely unattached. You don't care if they get their meds on time, you

don't care if they can't

sleep, you don't care period. It's a total nightmare, because you know you still

love this person with all of your heart, but you just can't make yourself care

about the drugs/illness/pain/treatment, etc.

Please, hon, tell Don how you feel. Let him help work this out.

*huge hugs*

Don & wrote:

> Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

> or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

> very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does that

> make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now as

> I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

> get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

> (my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his medication

> for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with him

> at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

> school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

> students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

> because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up with

> Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has a

> very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

> to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

> discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant about

> hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they promised

> me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

> stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

> school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I am

> carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and trying

> to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I have

> fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

> take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

> care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

> only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but radiation

> is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

> and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

> positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

> enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

> suggestions????

>

> #1

>

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>

> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you

believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do

even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to

let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

Thanks , this is really what I need to hear. I think that Don and I

will set down and talk about this, because I know there is more he could be

doing for himself. I just feel so darn guilty......

Re: VENT, and request for support

,

*giggles* at the support virgin comment!! :-)

Hon,believe me when I say that I know exactly how hard it is to be a

caregiver. Plus, you have your illnesses, and just life in general on top of

it all. *huge hugs*

I don't think that it is above and beyond to ask Don to take more

responsibility for his own treatment. I don't mean that to sound heartless

at all, only that you, too, are ill, and you both need to make things as

easy as possible. I know that none of it is easy,

and I know that Don is sick and feels like shit most of the time. Matty was

treated on the heme/onc floor, and I saw what the kiddos with cancer went

through. It's certainly no picnic. My heart breaks for both of you.

It is imperative for a caregiver to take care of yourself, too. You will

not be able to help Don if you don't help yourself. I know this is easier

said than done, I often neglected myself for Matty's benefit, too. I would

go for days and days with little or no sleep

because Matty needed cared for. My only respite, as bad as it sounds, was

when Matty was in the hospital and there were 3 shifts of nurses there to

care for Matty's medical needs. But, that situation was different, because

Matty was not capable of taking care of

himself, ever. I think it is so very important for you and Don to sit down

together, for you to share with him how run down you feel, and for the two

of you to come up with a schedule that is more do-able for a mere human such

as yourself, because, girl, I have to

tell you, Wonder Woman couldn't keep up with the schedule you've had. *hugs*

To try to keep up this pace, hon, you're gonna burn out so fast...let me

tell you, because I burned out with Matty for a while, too, and it is no

fun. You become completely unattached. You don't care if they get their meds

on time, you don't care if they can't

sleep, you don't care period. It's a total nightmare, because you know you

still love this person with all of your heart, but you just can't make

yourself care about the drugs/illness/pain/treatment, etc.

Please, hon, tell Don how you feel. Let him help work this out.

*huge hugs*

Don & wrote:

> Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

> or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

> very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does

that

> make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now

as

> I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

> get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

> (my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his

medication

> for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with

him

> at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

> school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

> students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

> because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up

with

> Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has

a

> very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

> to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

> discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant

about

> hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they

promised

> me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

> stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

> school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I

am

> carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and

trying

> to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I

have

> fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

> take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

> care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

> only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but

radiation

> is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

> and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

> positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

> enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

> suggestions????

>

> #1

>

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> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

The Being Sick Community

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~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

“Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

I used to be as terribly busy as you when I was taking care of my mum. You

are already doing lots and lots already..... do remember to tone down some

time and get a good rest! I know how important it is to take good care of

someone that you love so much, but just remember that you are human too, you

need ample rest to function at your optimum, and that includes having enough

rest to take care of your fiance!

Ling

VENT, and request for support

Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does that

make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now as

I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

(my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his medication

for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with him

at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up with

Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has a

very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant about

hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they promised

me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I am

carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and trying

to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I have

fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but radiation

is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

suggestions????

#1

[Guest guest]

Thanks Ling. I think I'll take a nap now. **YAWN**

Re: VENT, and request for support

Hi ,

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

I used to be as terribly busy as you when I was taking care of my mum. You

are already doing lots and lots already..... do remember to tone down some

time and get a good rest! I know how important it is to take good care of

someone that you love so much, but just remember that you are human too, you

need ample rest to function at your optimum, and that includes having enough

rest to take care of your fiance!

Ling

VENT, and request for support

Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does that

make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now as

I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

(my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his medication

for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with him

at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up with

Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has a

very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant about

hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they promised

me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I am

carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and trying

to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I have

fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but radiation

is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

suggestions????

#1

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

The Being Sick Community

Help with Merger

/files/

Visual problems with colors?

Click the link below and select the modify link to your right. Then select

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1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.

2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to

browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.

3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into eGroups at your

convenience and receive no email.

To modify your subscription settings, subscribe or unsubscribe, please visit

/join

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

“Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

,

I know hon, and that guilt makes it feel like you've got the weight of the

world on you shoulders. *hugs*

Let me know how your talk with Don goes, and know that we're all here with you

on this one, you're not going it alone. :-)

love ya,

Don & wrote:

> Thanks , this is really what I need to hear. I think that Don and I

> will set down and talk about this, because I know there is more he could be

> doing for himself. I just feel so darn guilty......

>

>

>

> Re: VENT, and request for support

>

> ,

> *giggles* at the support virgin comment!! :-)

> Hon,believe me when I say that I know exactly how hard it is to be a

> caregiver. Plus, you have your illnesses, and just life in general on top of

> it all. *huge hugs*

> I don't think that it is above and beyond to ask Don to take more

> responsibility for his own treatment. I don't mean that to sound heartless

> at all, only that you, too, are ill, and you both need to make things as

> easy as possible. I know that none of it is easy,

> and I know that Don is sick and feels like shit most of the time. Matty was

> treated on the heme/onc floor, and I saw what the kiddos with cancer went

> through. It's certainly no picnic. My heart breaks for both of you.

> It is imperative for a caregiver to take care of yourself, too. You will

> not be able to help Don if you don't help yourself. I know this is easier

> said than done, I often neglected myself for Matty's benefit, too. I would

> go for days and days with little or no sleep

> because Matty needed cared for. My only respite, as bad as it sounds, was

> when Matty was in the hospital and there were 3 shifts of nurses there to

> care for Matty's medical needs. But, that situation was different, because

> Matty was not capable of taking care of

> himself, ever. I think it is so very important for you and Don to sit down

> together, for you to share with him how run down you feel, and for the two

> of you to come up with a schedule that is more do-able for a mere human such

> as yourself, because, girl, I have to

> tell you, Wonder Woman couldn't keep up with the schedule you've had. *hugs*

> To try to keep up this pace, hon, you're gonna burn out so fast...let me

> tell you, because I burned out with Matty for a while, too, and it is no

> fun. You become completely unattached. You don't care if they get their meds

> on time, you don't care if they can't

> sleep, you don't care period. It's a total nightmare, because you know you

> still love this person with all of your heart, but you just can't make

> yourself care about the drugs/illness/pain/treatment, etc.

> Please, hon, tell Don how you feel. Let him help work this out.

>

> *huge hugs*

>

>

> Don & wrote:

>

> > Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a caretaker,

> > or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it is

> > very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does

> that

> > make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right now

> as

> > I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day. I

> > get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that Don

> > (my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his

> medication

> > for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with

> him

> > at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

> > school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

> > students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

> > because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up

> with

> > Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also has

> a

> > very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive things

> > to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

> > discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant

> about

> > hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they

> promised

> > me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to either

> > stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

> > school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times I

> am

> > carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and

> trying

> > to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I

> have

> > fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I can't

> > take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

> > care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

> > only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but

> radiation

> > is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not alone,

> > and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

> > positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

> > enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

> > suggestions????

> >

> > #1

> >

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> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

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> must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

> it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

>

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> Visual problems with colors?

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> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you

believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do

even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to

let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

,

We've talked a little so far, but I don't think that it has really sunk in

to him yet. I think he thinks that I am now invincible, and I'm not!!! He

said that he is worried about my health, but that I am not doing anything

about it. I haven't had the energy to deal with my own stuff. So, we

talked about that, and he admitted that he would say some things to get

attention, and that they really weren't emergency things. GRRRRR. I

thought they were emergencies, and so did my adrenal glands! I think more

will come out, but It'll take time.

Thanks ,

Re: VENT, and request for support

>

> ,

> *giggles* at the support virgin comment!! :-)

> Hon,believe me when I say that I know exactly how hard it is to be a

> caregiver. Plus, you have your illnesses, and just life in general on top

of

> it all. *huge hugs*

> I don't think that it is above and beyond to ask Don to take more

> responsibility for his own treatment. I don't mean that to sound heartless

> at all, only that you, too, are ill, and you both need to make things as

> easy as possible. I know that none of it is easy,

> and I know that Don is sick and feels like shit most of the time. Matty

was

> treated on the heme/onc floor, and I saw what the kiddos with cancer went

> through. It's certainly no picnic. My heart breaks for both of you.

> It is imperative for a caregiver to take care of yourself, too. You will

> not be able to help Don if you don't help yourself. I know this is easier

> said than done, I often neglected myself for Matty's benefit, too. I would

> go for days and days with little or no sleep

> because Matty needed cared for. My only respite, as bad as it sounds, was

> when Matty was in the hospital and there were 3 shifts of nurses there to

> care for Matty's medical needs. But, that situation was different, because

> Matty was not capable of taking care of

> himself, ever. I think it is so very important for you and Don to sit down

> together, for you to share with him how run down you feel, and for the two

> of you to come up with a schedule that is more do-able for a mere human

such

> as yourself, because, girl, I have to

> tell you, Wonder Woman couldn't keep up with the schedule you've had.

*hugs*

> To try to keep up this pace, hon, you're gonna burn out so fast...let me

> tell you, because I burned out with Matty for a while, too, and it is no

> fun. You become completely unattached. You don't care if they get their

meds

> on time, you don't care if they can't

> sleep, you don't care period. It's a total nightmare, because you know you

> still love this person with all of your heart, but you just can't make

> yourself care about the drugs/illness/pain/treatment, etc.

> Please, hon, tell Don how you feel. Let him help work this out.

>

> *huge hugs*

>

>

> Don & wrote:

>

> > Hi everyone, I am gonna vent, and then ask that anyone who is a

caretaker,

> > or even if you're not, that's okay too. I really need support, and it

is

> > very hard for me to ask for it, in fact, this is my first time. (does

> that

> > make me a support virgin?) I'm trying to keep humor in my life right

now

> as

> > I am just so exhausted. It is all I can do to make it through the day.

I

> > get up early, very early, and get ready for school. I make sure that

Don

> > (my fiancé who has cancer) is not running a fever, and set up his

> medication

> > for the day. I remind him that he needs to eat, and keep the phone with

> him

> > at all times so I can reach him if I need to check up on him. I go to

> > school very early to get a parking spot, there are about ten times more

> > students than parking spots. I bring a blanket and pillow in my car,

> > because frequently I haven't had any sleep, or very little. I stay up

> with

> > Don if he has a fever, or is vomiting from his chemotherapy. He also

has

> a

> > very bleak outlook right now, and I have almost run out of positive

things

> > to say to him. I just don't know what to do for him any more. I fight

> > discrimination at my school from the instructors who are just ignorant

> about

> > hearing difficulties, and fight the system to provide services they

> promised

> > me a few months ago. My chairs are not in my classes, so I have to

either

> > stand or sit on the floor for 3 1/2 hours. I hurt very much. I am at

> > school for about 17 hours a day, three days a week, and the other times

I

> am

> > carting Don from appointments, getting medications, giving shots, and

> trying

> > to sneak in a cat nap here and there. Oh, don't forget homework!!!! I

> have

> > fibromyalgia, so I am hurting a lot, and the stress doesn't help. I

can't

> > take pain killers, they make me sleepy. Laundry, housework, pet

> > care.......It goes on forever, but it seems very overwhelming. There is

> > only two more months of Don's chemo, then he starts radiation, but

> radiation

> > is every day. I think right now, I just need to hear that I'm not

alone,

> > and I need to know that things will get better. It is hard to stay

> > positive, but I am trying meditation. One problem though, I don't have

> > enough time or quiet, or I'm too tired and I fall asleep. Any

> > suggestions????

> >

> > #1

> >

> > ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

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> >

> > Help with Merger

> > /files/

> >

> > Visual problems with colors?

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> > “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to

what

> you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what

you

> must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

> it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> The Being Sick Community

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> /files/

>

> Visual problems with colors?

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> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

> you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what

you

> must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

> it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

>

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> The Being Sick Community

>

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> /files/

>

> Visual problems with colors?

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> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

> “Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

The Being Sick Community

Help with Merger

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~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

“Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

Dear #1,

LMAO @ Support virgin...

Now you are gonna get an earfull of Aisha's Blunt Wisdom...

1) You are totally burnt out. Its an old cliche however true... like

all cliches....You cannot help a soul unless you help yourself first,

for you will have nothing to give. The more fatigued you allow

yourself to become the more you will get resentful, angry, depressed,

and inneffecient as a caregiver. The sick person will pick up on this

and will mimic this attitude back at you perhaps without even knowing

it cause they are not well enough to really cope with their own

emotion, let alone anothers. Which really puts the pressure on the

caregiver. Thats why you HAVE NO CHOICE but to make sure you take

time out NO MATTER HOW RESENTFUL the sick person will be, for

yourself. Or you will slowly self distruct.

2) Don's attitude. Is he on anti-depressants or does he have a social

worker that can come and talk to him? This works for alot of people.

You are doing too much to expect yourself do everything as much as

your loved one wants you too, and I understand that want as I am the

sick person, but its not practical.

3) It is hard to stay positive. Who said you had to be positive all

the time? So fall apart. Burst into tears. Have a break down. Cry.

Its the best thing you can do for yourself. Why be strong? You are

human, you have feelings, you have needs. You are watching someone

you love go throught this horrible stuff, you are sick, you are

trying to be everything for everyone. What about you? I think the

rubber band has snapped here honey. So break. Cry. Lose the plot for

awhile. Who ever said you had to be strong? Crying is a strength not

a weakness. Embrace the fact that you are human and emotional and

just need a break. Its normal. Its healthy to need this.

Make a point of taking " " time each day to do something that

restores you, even if its only 20 minutes. Its your 20 minutes.

Stretch out and relax somewhere peaceful. Munch on a chocolate.

Indulge. Do something totally for you. Something that will make you

feel good about yourself.

We all burn out and we all go through times when we need to walk

away. Hell I turn my email off for weeks cause I have people emailing

me for help when I'm burnt out. Its not the same at all, but its just

a tiny example that we all need to step outside of the pressure that

is placed on us at times.

Put your feet up, listen to your favourate CD, have a yummy drink,

and take time for you. You are not alone hon. EVERYONE needs time out

from responsibility at some point. Sometimes life is too damn hard.

*angel hugs*

isha.

[Guest guest]

Aisha,

Thanks...I DO know this, really I do. Sometimes I think that I can stretch

myself just a little thinner.....really I can't. I dropped a class at

school, and had a talk with Don. He expects me to be responsible for

myself, and I expect him to be responsible for himself, but we can BOTH ask

for help when we need it. I was on the verge of a breakdown when I wrote

this email to everyone, and I have exploded, and feel much better. I cried

for a few hours, and vented BIG time! I vented to any one who would listen,

or even ones who didn't listen, I didn't care! Hell, I vented to my bird.

She's a great listener. She only knows a few words, and her favorite on is

I love you. That is great when you are yelling, and crying and someone

says, " I love you " . She is my favorite person to talk to. Thank you guys

for all of your support, it is so hard to be everyone to everybody, and yet

no one to myself. Right now I am on a " me " break, and then I'm gonna go to

sleep. For at least ten hours. Let the phone ring, if it's important

they'll call back, right?

Re: VENT, and request for support

Dear #1,

LMAO @ Support virgin...

Now you are gonna get an earfull of Aisha's Blunt Wisdom...

1) You are totally burnt out. Its an old cliche however true... like

all cliches....You cannot help a soul unless you help yourself first,

for you will have nothing to give. The more fatigued you allow

yourself to become the more you will get resentful, angry, depressed,

and inneffecient as a caregiver. The sick person will pick up on this

and will mimic this attitude back at you perhaps without even knowing

it cause they are not well enough to really cope with their own

emotion, let alone anothers. Which really puts the pressure on the

caregiver. Thats why you HAVE NO CHOICE but to make sure you take

time out NO MATTER HOW RESENTFUL the sick person will be, for

yourself. Or you will slowly self distruct.

2) Don's attitude. Is he on anti-depressants or does he have a social

worker that can come and talk to him? This works for alot of people.

You are doing too much to expect yourself do everything as much as

your loved one wants you too, and I understand that want as I am the

sick person, but its not practical.

3) It is hard to stay positive. Who said you had to be positive all

the time? So fall apart. Burst into tears. Have a break down. Cry.

Its the best thing you can do for yourself. Why be strong? You are

human, you have feelings, you have needs. You are watching someone

you love go throught this horrible stuff, you are sick, you are

trying to be everything for everyone. What about you? I think the

rubber band has snapped here honey. So break. Cry. Lose the plot for

awhile. Who ever said you had to be strong? Crying is a strength not

a weakness. Embrace the fact that you are human and emotional and

just need a break. Its normal. Its healthy to need this.

Make a point of taking " " time each day to do something that

restores you, even if its only 20 minutes. Its your 20 minutes.

Stretch out and relax somewhere peaceful. Munch on a chocolate.

Indulge. Do something totally for you. Something that will make you

feel good about yourself.

We all burn out and we all go through times when we need to walk

away. Hell I turn my email off for weeks cause I have people emailing

me for help when I'm burnt out. Its not the same at all, but its just

a tiny example that we all need to step outside of the pressure that

is placed on us at times.

Put your feet up, listen to your favourate CD, have a yummy drink,

and take time for you. You are not alone hon. EVERYONE needs time out

from responsibility at some point. Sometimes life is too damn hard.

*angel hugs*

isha.

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

The Being Sick Community

Help with Merger

/files/

Visual problems with colors?

Click the link below and select the modify link to your right. Then select

the **Send Plain Text Email** option. This will stop you receiving emails

with colored or enlarged fonts.

/join

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Scheduled Daily Chats at # on IRC DALnet.

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/links

Personal Complaints or problems:-

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<-owner > or visit:-

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Subscription Details:-

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2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to

browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.

3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into eGroups at your

convenience and receive no email.

To modify your subscription settings, subscribe or unsubscribe, please visit

/join

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

“Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what

you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you

must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if

it's easier to let go. " - Pueblo Prayer