Snow

[Guest guest]

IA friend sent this to me and I just had to share. If four-letter words

bother

you skip this. But I think we can all appreciate this little " true to

life " piece.

I sure did!!

> DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

> December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season

and

> the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window

watching

> the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma

Moses

> Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

>

>

> December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

covering

> every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a

more

> lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've

ever

> had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I

did

> both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came

> along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I

got to

> shovel again. What a perfect life.

>

>

> December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment

> .My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white

> Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so

much

> snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I

don't

> think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our

neighbor.

>

>

> December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8 " last night. The temperature dropped

to

> -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath

away,

> but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the

life!

> The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I

didn't

> realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll

certainly

> get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

>

>

> December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

> Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the

> freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

I

> think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

>

>

> December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the

> driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an

hour,

> which I think was very cruel.

>

>

> December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

anywhere.

> Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay

> warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

> Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God

I

> hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my

own

> living room.

>

>

> December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14 " of the damn

stuff

> last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by

twice.

> Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy

> playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store

> around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have

> another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to

shovel

> or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

>

>

> December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

inches

> of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt

till

> August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel

and

> then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed

again.

> I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his

truck

> for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the

asshole

> is lying.

>

>

> December 23: Only 2 " of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife

wanted

> me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is

she...nuts???

> Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I

think

> she's damn well lying.

>

>

> December 24: 6 " . Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

> Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a

bitch

who

> drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I

know

> he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and

then

he

> comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over

where

> I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols

with

> her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn

> snowplow.

>

>

> December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop

> tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I

hate

> the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I

hit

> him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.

I

> think she's an idiot. If I have to watch " It's a Wonderful Life " one

more

> time, I'm going to kill her.

>

>

> December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It

was

all

> HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

>

>

> December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

>

>

> December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is

driving

> me crazy!!!

>

>

> December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it

could

> cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think

I

> am?

>

>

> December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a

million

> dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother .

9 "

> predicted.

>

>

> December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

>

>

> January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they

keep

> giving me.

> Why am I tied to the bed?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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