circle of friends

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/2004 3:59:44 PM Central Standard Time,

pjenney1@... writes:

> He so wants to have friends, that he has let children

> hit him and lead him into bad behaviors just to be, what he thinks is

> thier friend. I am going to try and get one for the bus ride. I am

> going to call Parents this week. I will let you know how it goes. I

> am so disgusted with the rotten kids out there taking advantage of

> our kids. Pam

>

I am interested in setting one up for my son, too. He is 11 now, and in 6th

grade. He will enter Jr. High next year. The 75 (more or less) kids he knows

now, will be mixed in with about 500 he hasn't met yet. He was supposed to

go to a smaller school for kids gifted in the arts, but budget cuts forced the

school to close. At least the program will move to the Jr. High.

Pam, I am so sorry that children have treated your son this way. Zack has

been fortunate to have many friends in his class. They treat him wonderfully,

and often fight to get to work with him. They are always bringing him little

trinkets (like Mc's toys) and pictures they drew, that they think he will

like. They beg me to bring Zack to their house, or to let them come over,

but the parents are the ones who are getting in my way. " Oh, we will get

together, someday..... "

I want so much for Zack to have friends, but am also scared to death to let

him go " out " with his friends, like to run around the neighborhood or hang out

at a mall. Things I used to do with my friends at the same age. I used to

respite a teenager, and her mother wanted me to " let her do what she wanted " ,

but keep her safe! Let me tell you, the things she wanted to do, could have

gotten us both killed! She was flashing boys, and trying to get into cars with

them. When I told her mother, she told me that I was not her daughter's boss.

I said, that I could not keep her safe, if I could not control her

activities, and I quit. I understand the mom, wanting her daughter to have as

much

freedom as possible, but she needed to realize that her daughter was becoming a

young woman, and her hormones were kicking in! The mom told me to act like I

was her friend. I said, " If I was her friend, I would leave and tell her to get

her own way home! "

Please keep me in the loop on how to start a circle for Zack.

Sue

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/04 7:11:09 PM Eastern Standard Time, zmadad@...

writes:

> He so wants to have friends, that he has let children

> hit him and lead him into bad behaviors just to be, what he thinks is

> thier friend. I am going to try and get one for the bus ride. I am

> going to call Parents this week. I will let you know how it goes. I

> am so disgusted with the rotten kids out there taking advantage of

> our kids. Pam

>

Advocate to get it in his IEP - the school needs to take responsibility for

the fact they are not providing a safe environment for him

- Becky

[Guest guest]

Hi,

got something going on finally! Its not a true circle of friends- but

the guidance counselor set up a lunchtime 'girls group " . there are kids from

the 6-8th grade in it. She just chose kids that would be a good mix.

It's cool- the girls are all calling each other now- its not perfect, but its

good for middle school and the fact I couldnt get it together!

The parents were not contacted, although the principal informed me (as did

amanda) because i have been ranting and raving about the lack of support.

Good luck with that!

~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY

[Guest guest]

Okay, I am on a roll here. This is to the parents that have set up a Circle of

Friends. How were the children chosen to participate. Did the counselor and

sped and gened teachers choose the kids? Were the parents of the kids involved

in any way?

Sharon H.

Mom to , (12, DS) and , (8)

South Carolina

[Guest guest]

Our counselor sent letters home with the kids in the classrooms and

asked if they would be able to participate. Jordan has a waiting list

of kids. The kids are switched after a couple of months. Kim

circle of friends

Okay, I am on a roll here. This is to the parents that have set up a

Circle of Friends. How were the children chosen to participate. Did

the counselor and sped and gened teachers choose the kids? Were the

parents of the kids involved in any way?

Sharon H.

Mom to , (12, DS) and , (8)

South Carolina

[Guest guest]

My oldest son, is 12 and this is his first year in middle school.

One thing we did to help with friends is we wrote a goal in the IEP that he

would letter in a sport. Wrestling and track are " non cut " sports so

wrestled in the fall and is doing track right now. It has been great for

and he has made a lot of friends. If your child is not into sports you can

write a goal around a school club or something, be creative. has

support

written into the IEP so we got a high school wrestler to support and

of course all the kids thought the high school kids was so cool, which helped

foster those friendships.

Just one idea!

mom to 12 and Noah 3 both with Down syndrome

Colo.

[Guest guest]

I have " loosely " started one for Nic. I have 3 kids in the neighborhood who are

either Nic's age or 1 yr. older. They will be his " buddy " on the regular school

bus next year and at lunch,recess etc. At our June 1st IEP continuation meeting

I will request he be in the same classroom as the boy who lives across the

street. I already spoke with the parents and they are all for it.

Di

Re: circle of friends

> Okay, I am on a roll here. This is to the parents that have set up

a Circle of Friends. How were the children chosen to participate.

Did the counselor and sped and gened teachers choose the kids? Were

the parents of the kids involved in any way?

>

> Sharon H.

> Mom to , (12, DS) and , (8)

> South Carolina

>

>

[Guest guest]

I chose the kids I wanted in 's circle of friends. The special ed teacher

wouldn't send my letters out through the school, so I did it on my own. She

went around to the homerooms and asked for kids to sign up (after their parents

received the letters and discussed it with them). It was totally a voluntary

thing. I will look through my files and try to find the letter I composed and

sent to approximately 30 parents. The parents I chose were parents who Donny

and I knew and also knew would support us and " encourage " their children to

" help achieve his personal goals. "

Jackie, Mom to 16ds, 13, and Bradley 10

> Okay, I am on a roll here. This is to the parents that have set up a Circle

of

> Friends. How were the children chosen to participate. Did the counselor and

> sped and gened teachers choose the kids? Were the parents of the kids

involved

> in any way?

>

> Sharon H.

> Mom to , (12, DS) and , (8)

> South Carolina

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey all, i work with an 11 year old boy with DS who's mom really wants circle

of friend started at our school. I have never been formally trained int eh

program and really don't know a whole lot about it...therefore am hesitant to

start one up. Mom thinks that it will help the other kids become more tolerant

and welcoming...which i am sure it does HOWEVER, in my opinion I don't think the

problem is the other kids. they have all gone to school with " " since the

beginning of school (junior kindergarten) and have always been welcoming,

friendly and very very tolerant. Until last year and this year, " 's "

behaviour has not changed, but the force has. he is very rough, scratching

hitting punching, spitting, throwing objects like text books and staplers. We

have talked to mom and dad several times but they feel it is our problem, yet we

can't figure out what is different in his school life and they are unresponsive

to home. I can't help but think there is a bigger problem than what circle of

friends can help fix. Again, it isn't the other kids, it's " " they invite

him they try to include him and HE separates himself and it doesn't matter who

invites him to do any activity... I am at a loss, I don't know how to 'make it

better' or how to deal with mom and dad. any suggestions? jenFrom: pjenney1 [mailto:

pjenney1@...]@...: Fri, 02 Apr 2004 21:26:34

-0000Subject: Re: circle of friends & gt; Okay, I am on a roll here. This is to the parents that have

set up a Circle of Friends. How were the children chosen to participate. Did

the counselor and sped and gened teachers choose the kids? Were the parents of

the kids involved in any way? & gt; & gt; Sharon H. & gt; Mom to , (12, DS) and

, (8) & gt; South Carolina & gt; & gt; [Non-text portions of this message have

been removed]Hi, I will be looking for some advice on this also. My son 12

(DS) needs one. He so wants to have friends, that he has let children hit him

and lead him into bad behaviors just to be, what he thinks is thier friend. I am

going to try and get one for the bus ride. I am going to call Parents this

week. I will let you know how it goes. I am so disgusted with the rotten kids

out there taking advantage of our kids. PamClick reply to all for messages

to go to the list. Just hit reply for messages to go to the sender of the

message.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jennie,

My suggestion would be to record these incidents, NOT to use against him, but

for him.

You need to record time of incident, what happened prior, during and after.

Someone else has the correct terminolgy i'm sure. LOL If you do this then

perhaps you can pinpoint what may be setting him off. Perhaps it's just

something he really doesn't want to do or is to confusing so he acts out.

I would also sugest trying to get someone who does functional behavior analysis

in to help pinpoint the problem. Again your records of the incidents would be a

great help to this person.

Joy

[Guest guest]

Thanks fo rthe tips...of course yesterday and today were absolutley

wonderful...no problems at all...just to make a liar out of me who knows

maybe it is the full moon!

From: Joy Tesmer [mailto: jtesmer799@...]To:

@...: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 00:02:56 -0500Subject: RE:

Re: circle of friendsHi Jennie,My suggestion would be to record

these incidents, NOT to use against him, but for him. You need to record time

of incident, what happened prior, during and after. Someone else has the

correct terminolgy i'm sure. LOL If you do this then perhaps you can pinpoint

what may be setting him off. Perhaps it's just something he really doesn't want

to do or is to confusing so he acts out. I would also sugest trying to get

someone who does functional behavior analysis in to help pinpoint the problem.

Again your records of the incidents would be a great help to this person.

Joy