Re: 5th grade ..... vent

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

Sorry to hear that you and Sara are going through a tough time. My neice is a

5th grader and she used to be such a sweet child...it is amazing to see what

those horomones can do! And it is SOOOOOOO hard to see the gap widen between

our kids and their typical peers. As far as the two girls in particular, could

you involve the guidance counselor? Maybe seek some advice from a " neutral "

party?

Take care and have faith...

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

I realize I'm getting into this conversation late...sorry about that. But I do

agree with you Kathy. We modify cirriculum, gym, etc. Behavior expectations

should also be modified. No, I DON'T think our kids should get a free ride. I

realize that my son's success in life will be affected by how well he can fit

into society and follow the rules and social norms. But I think you are right

Kathy, these girls know what they are doing. They know Sara is not trying to be

bad or mean, but are probably looking for ways to get her in trouble.

. More tolerance for kids who

are different is needed and I think at the 5th grade level they know when Sara

is being silly and when she's being ugly. Maybe the issue should be replacing

one behavior for another which I am not seeing them do.

[Guest guest]

I think the key here is the others getting hugs need to be comfortable with it.

I, also like , get uncomfortable with Bridget hugging all people especially

now that she is developing. In K5 we started " if you want someone's attention,

go to them and give them 5 or ask for 5 " . It really helped. We need to really

work on the tickling. Dad loves to do this in play at home, which is fine most

of the time. I am having a hard time getting him to see that Bridget doesn't

keep it at home, and it bothers some people.

You need to follow your gut feelings about all of this. Every situation is

different. I do allow Bridget to give teachers and therapist hugs. I feel she

needs to learn to discriminate. We talk about the others. Now students she

usually goes up and tickles their hands. We will get there.

mom to Bridget 10

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

> OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I understand

> at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people

> other then family and close friends, but at what age is this appropriate

> to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons

> (they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell

> it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be

> acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers. And,

> I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the

> older grades.

>

> will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her

> aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she

> will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she

> somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress that,

> though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I step

> in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ?????

>

> This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have

> suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in

> preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.).

>

> Thanks,

>

> , mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4)

>

>

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

messages to go to the sender of the message.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I couldn't help but laugh at this because snaps Dad's " dunderwear " but

only in private. He has learned a lot lately about what is private and what is

not:) Ahh puberty, what a pain LOL.

Elaine

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

In a message dated 11/15/03 12:11:55 PM Central Standard Time,

JTesmer799@... writes:

> But anyway, take this to an IEP meeting and write some type of goal to

> teach

> more appropriate ways to begin conversations, what's ok at home

> (tickling others) is not ok in public. How will you feel when is 14

> and still

> trys to tickle someone to get a conversation going? (remember that with

> alot

> of our kids it takes forever to stop an awanted behavior....here we are

> still

> working on the hugging thing here, she didn't hug much until she was

around

> 10

> or so, even then it wasn't alot, but we started the handshake thing fairly

> quickly but it's really hard. sigh, tho when in urgent care recently she

> was

> going to hug a lady and I touched her arm and gave her " the look " and she

> then

> stuck out her hand. hehe so progress is being made, lol)

>

> Joy :-)

>

HI Joy

You are right about the tickling, and this is something we are working on,

NO

TOUCHING lol right now she only does it to her friends or Tater, no hugging

is something else they have started. Friday Sara went to hug her Sped

teacher

good-bye, the teacher put her hand up and said " high five's Sara " Sara just

turned to the speech therapist and the Vice Principal (who is a huggy person

lol)

and hugged them, The VP said to the Sped teacher, " I love this child " so

again mixed messages. To stop a lot of the hugging I've told Sara she can

only hug

females (to cut some of it down) and the other day at the Mall an older lady

leaned down and touched Tater, Sara told the lady " NO TOUCHING " the lady

then

leaned towards Sara and Sara amazingly brushed her off with a real dirty

look.

This surprised me with her friendly personality but she realized this was a

stranger and took a stance. Hugging is definitely a sensory issue with Sara,

she likes and needs the deep compression, light touches turn her into a

monster,

she will snap at you with " don't touch me " I feel bad for her to have to now

go all day with this sensory need and have to wait until Mom comes around

for

the big hugs but I know for safety reasons we have to stick with this.

Funny the girls didn't complain on her little tickle, only on the name game

thing. And unless we can find maybe a better way that meets Sara's needs for

an

approach I don't see this changing for a while. Maybe saying " Hey

girlfriend "

might work we wont know until we work with her. But this team has to get on

the same page for all of this, she cannot be called silly names if she cant

respond the same way.

Kathy mom to Sara 11.............hugging in the South is a big part of all

of

our lives, I see this with all of the kids in school and the professionals

:/

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

I started it when was pretty young. I don't consider teachers strangers

especially not at the primary school level. We did go to high 5s when the kids

became uncomfortable with the hugs (around age 7).

Elaine

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I understand

at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people

other then family and close friends, but at what age is this appropriate

to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons

(they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell

it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be

acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers. And,

I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the

older grades.

will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her

aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she

will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she

somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress that,

though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I step

in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ?????

This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have

suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in

preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.).

Thanks,

, mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4)

[Guest guest]

Just a question (or two)? Are you in the US? Is Blake your child with

DS? Does Blake attend a private school?

Elaine

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

> OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I understand

> at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people

> other then family and close friends, but at what age is this appropriate

> to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons

> (they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell

> it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be

> acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers. And,

> I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the

> older grades.

>

> will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her

> aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she

> will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she

> somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress that,

> though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I step

> in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ?????

>

> This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have

> suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in

> preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.).

>

> Thanks,

>

> , mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4)

>

>

>

>

> Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

messages to go to the sender of the message.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kansas. Yes, Blake is 3 and has ds. The school is not private it is an out

of district preschool for special ed students. I had planned (before the

school year started) to demand an aide or not send him at all. He was

really only 2 when school began! His birthday is Sept. 5th. I started him

this year even though he wasn't quite 3 years old for socialization. He is

a social butterfly! Then because of some feeding and general health issues,

I decided not to fight for the aid. I preferred to be there with him

anyway.

Schulte

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

>

>

> > OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I

understand

> > at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people

> > other then family and close friends, but at what age is this

appropriate

> > to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons

> > (they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell

> > it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be

> > acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers.

And,

> > I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the

> > older grades.

> >

> > will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her

> > aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she

> > will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she

> > somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress

that,

> > though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I

step

> > in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ?????

> >

> > This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have

> > suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in

> > preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.).

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > , mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4)

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for

> messages to go to the sender of the message.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

<<Ahh puberty, what a pain LOL.>> i am learning it is a pain special needs or

not... I am not ready to be a mom to a teenage boy....... not at all......

ann mom to webb - 12 yrs (diagnosed upcoming puberty) and Vickie - 3.5 yrs(ds)

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

In a message dated 11/15/03 12:11:55 PM Central Standard Time,

JTesmer799@... writes:

> But anyway, take this to an IEP meeting and write some type of goal to

> teach

> more appropriate ways to begin conversations, what's ok at home

> (tickling others) is not ok in public. How will you feel when is

14

> and still

> trys to tickle someone to get a conversation going? (remember that with

> alot

> of our kids it takes forever to stop an awanted behavior....here we are

> still

> working on the hugging thing here, she didn't hug much until she was

around

> 10

> or so, even then it wasn't alot, but we started the handshake thing

fairly

> quickly but it's really hard. sigh, tho when in urgent care recently

she

> was

> going to hug a lady and I touched her arm and gave her " the look " and

she

> then

> stuck out her hand. hehe so progress is being made, lol)

>

> Joy :-)

>

HI Joy

You are right about the tickling, and this is something we are working on,

NO

TOUCHING lol right now she only does it to her friends or Tater, no

hugging

is something else they have started. Friday Sara went to hug her Sped

teacher

good-bye, the teacher put her hand up and said " high five's Sara " Sara

just

turned to the speech therapist and the Vice Principal (who is a huggy

person lol)

and hugged them, The VP said to the Sped teacher, " I love this child " so

again mixed messages. To stop a lot of the hugging I've told Sara she can

only hug

females (to cut some of it down) and the other day at the Mall an older

lady

leaned down and touched Tater, Sara told the lady " NO TOUCHING " the lady

then

leaned towards Sara and Sara amazingly brushed her off with a real dirty

look.

This surprised me with her friendly personality but she realized this was

a

stranger and took a stance. Hugging is definitely a sensory issue with

Sara,

she likes and needs the deep compression, light touches turn her into a

monster,

she will snap at you with " don't touch me " I feel bad for her to have to

now

go all day with this sensory need and have to wait until Mom comes around

for

the big hugs but I know for safety reasons we have to stick with this.

Funny the girls didn't complain on her little tickle, only on the name

game

thing. And unless we can find maybe a better way that meets Sara's needs

for an

approach I don't see this changing for a while. Maybe saying " Hey

girlfriend "

might work we wont know until we work with her. But this team has to get

on

the same page for all of this, she cannot be called silly names if she

cant

respond the same way.

Kathy mom to Sara 11.............hugging in the South is a big part of all

of

our lives, I see this with all of the kids in school and the professionals

:/

¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸

,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·,

```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´

¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Josh. 24:15

[Guest guest]

Hi,

We realized hugging was an issue around 4th grade which corresponded with

amanda's development. She still hugs people - its part of who she is, but has

learned to ask or look to me for some approval if shes not sure and she never

hugs people we just meet or not such close friends.

its funny- sometimes I talk to people in my neighborhood that I dont know-

maybe they are gardening, or whatever. often wants to know why am i

speaking to strangers when she cant speak to strangers. Good point- but we had

a

huge discussion that sometimes thats how someone becomes a friend - if you

start to talk to them because you both like something.

Then something scary occurred to me- she loves cats- all a stranger had to do

was offer her a cat and shed be gone with them!

And yet another tricky topic for our kids that we are trying to foster to

become independent....

~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY

[Guest guest]

This is my thought on this hugging issue also. My son 11 likes

to give and get hugs. But since he was about 9 it has been

discouraged because it made some of the women a little unconfortable

with his head on thier chest. was touching them inappropriatly

sometimes also. So I had no problem with them dealling with this.

They do handshakes and high fives and what are called side hugs. I

call them buddy hugs( arms around each others shoulders.) So I often

think hugging can be more of an issue with boys. He also as he gets

bigger has scared smaller children with his hugging. So we have a

running conversation about what a polite gentleman does in these

situations. " Women do not like to touched in thier personal places

and gentlemen don " t do that. " " is getting bigger and as a

gentleman gets older he is very careful not to hurt little children "

So offer them your hand and talk quieter. ect. Adjust what you teach

them to all situations. But staying consistant is important for

so now in middle school I think hugging is out . Pam

>

> > I would start right now teaching her that we hug ONLY family and

> > friends. If

> > you start now, she might get it before it starts to be a problem.

> > We really encourage Mav with the Hi Fives, cool handshakes,

thumbs up

> > methods. We constantly tell him, " We don't hug our friends! "

Now, we

> > come from a

> > VERY huggy family and with all the little ones, someone is ALWAYS

> > getting/giving

> > hugs and kisses. And we hug our friends when they come to our

> > house...and he

> > has learned that hugging adult friends at home is OK, as long as

it is OK

> > with them.

> > But not at school.

> >

> > M.

> > [unable to display image]

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Yes, teaching side hugs is a great way to teach our children what is appropriate

when hugging. There was a session at the NDSS conference several years ago

about sexuality and DS and the one thing I remember most is to teach the kids

about side hugs when they are little.

is really into boobs - I think the first time he grabbed mine, I reacted

(who wouldn't?) and this just reinforced him. We are working on " good hands "

and when he grabs where he is not suppose to, I gently guide his hand to my

upper arm and start stoking his hand over my arm. Redirect, redirect,

redirect!!!

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

This is my thought on this hugging issue also. My son 11 likes

to give and get hugs. But since he was about 9 it has been

discouraged because it made some of the women a little unconfortable

with his head on thier chest. was touching them inappropriatly

sometimes also. So I had no problem with them dealling with this.

They do handshakes and high fives and what are called side hugs. I

call them buddy hugs( arms around each others shoulders.) So I often

think hugging can be more of an issue with boys. He also as he gets

bigger has scared smaller children with his hugging. So we have a

running conversation about what a polite gentleman does in these

situations. " Women do not like to touched in thier personal places

and gentlemen don " t do that. " " is getting bigger and as a

gentleman gets older he is very careful not to hurt little children "

So offer them your hand and talk quieter. ect. Adjust what you teach

them to all situations. But staying consistant is important for

so now in middle school I think hugging is out . Pam

>

> > I would start right now teaching her that we hug ONLY family and

> > friends. If

> > you start now, she might get it before it starts to be a problem.

> > We really encourage Mav with the Hi Fives, cool handshakes,

thumbs up

> > methods. We constantly tell him, " We don't hug our friends! "

Now, we

> > come from a

> > VERY huggy family and with all the little ones, someone is ALWAYS

> > getting/giving

> > hugs and kisses. And we hug our friends when they come to our

> > house...and he

> > has learned that hugging adult friends at home is OK, as long as

it is OK

> > with them.

> > But not at school.

> >

> > M.

> > [unable to display image]

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I breastfed Natasha and am breastfeeding . will

sometimes come over and gently place his hand on top part of my

breast to hold it while baby feeds- he did this with Tasha and he

does it less often now with . I think he is just trying to

help, but i usually redirect his hand to my arm too. I think because

I laughed first time hedid it and said good helping that he thinks

its ok to do it

Leis

busy mum to 3 , with the youngest who wakes up EVERY time mummy and

daddy get frisky

> is really into boobs - I think the first time he grabbed

mine, I reacted (who wouldn't?) and this just reinforced him. We

are working on " good hands " and when he grabs where he is not

suppose to, I gently guide his hand to my upper arm and start

stoking his hand over my arm. Redirect, redirect, redirect!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bridget has been sick for the past couple of days with a virus. So, I end up

watching TV with her. We were watching Clifford, the Big Red Dog this morning.

This is such a great show for differences. Jetta kept blaming Clifford for all

the messes a cute little dog caused until the dog's owner stood up for Clifford

and owned up to her dogs mischievous ways.

How often are our kids blamed when all they did was help someone out.

mom to Bridget 10

Re: 5th grade ..... vent

I breastfed Natasha and am breastfeeding . will

sometimes come over and gently place his hand on top part of my

breast to hold it while baby feeds- he did this with Tasha and he

does it less often now with . I think he is just trying to

help, but i usually redirect his hand to my arm too. I think because

I laughed first time hedid it and said good helping that he thinks

its ok to do it

Leis

busy mum to 3 , with the youngest who wakes up EVERY time mummy and

daddy get frisky

> is really into boobs - I think the first time he grabbed

mine, I reacted (who wouldn't?) and this just reinforced him. We

are working on " good hands " and when he grabs where he is not

suppose to, I gently guide his hand to my upper arm and start

stoking his hand over my arm. Redirect, redirect, redirect!!!

>

>

>