Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 kathy, Hi- nice to see ya. That name calling business is a tough one- because the other kids do it all the time and it seems to be ok, but when one of our kids does it to try and be just like the others, they are sometimes singled out. I dont think name calling even in jest is appropiate- like amanda says sometimes that people are " crazy " . Well, taken out of content or said to the wrong people, that could get her in big trouble. The same way that " monkey " can be interpreted in a negative way- a teacher in NYC got fired for using that word in reference to a student... And the other side of that is this- a few weeks ago, amanda had a really bad day- we found out later it was a pms day- but before that her para was leaving early - ok so we identified the situation which will bring on the negative behavior, but too late because she was fighting with one of her classmates in humanities and saying really awful things to her. Well, the teacher feared for her safey- ie the other girl hitting her- so he removed her. Then there was a whole class discussion about why can amanda do that and not get into the same trouble as other kids when they do it- and a discussion without amanda there about everyone's needs are different and blah blah blah. Well, her spec needs friends in the class were devasted and couldnt speak worrying about amanda and the other kids didnt think it was fair. The teacher did tell them that there would be some reprecussions for amanda -like calling us in- but they still felt it wasnt fair that she didnt get sent to the principal or suspended the way other kids would have in a similar situation. What I am saying here, if anyone has read this far- is that sometimes we have to take the good and bad with inclusion and sometimes things are just not acceptable any time- like name calling or fighting, regardless of development. ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/03 9:57:58 AM Central Standard Time, Linman42 writes: > What I am saying here, if anyone has read this far- is that sometimes we > have to take the good and bad with inclusion and sometimes things are just not > acceptable any time- like name calling or fighting, regardless of development. > > ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY HI I would agree with this BUT this is Sara's way of joking around, initiating a conversations and play. She is unable to walk up and start a conversation like " Hey did you see Brittany Spears on ET last night? " Now she is punished when she calls ugly names like ..... fat, loser, stupid etc...... she's also punished when she's aggravating a child with names ......... like when she calls Tater a crybaby ......... but this is different. Are other 5th graders called on the carpet for approaching their friends with " Hey girlfriend " no, Sara's language is not where other 5th graders are and tattling on something this trivial is in IMHO more inappropriate than a silly name. Ive heard others call Sara " Silly Sara " at school and even the adults, why is this OK and doesn't it send mixed messages for Sara. More tolerance for kids who are different is needed and I think at the 5th grade level they know when Sara is being silly and when she's being ugly. Maybe the issue should be replacing one behavior for another which I am not seeing them do. If you strip children of their personality, especially my child lol you might just get a child who is unhappy at school and will result in another (WORSE) behavior problem. Heehee I guess I do disagree with you but I appreciate your insight I just know we have bigger issues to deal with concerning Sara than the silly name game and I do know these 2 girls will be the tool in Sara getting busted for everything this yr I am wondering if they run and tell their mothers when their kindy siblings call them a silly name.............. and what their moms say Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 Kathy, I tend to agree with and . to likes to tickle, but it is not age appropriate behavior, so we continue to encourage more AGE appropriate behaviors. Besides this is kinda a double edged sword, so to speak, by the time kids get to this age they are becoming more aware of their bodies (the 'normal' kids) and probably don't like people invading hteir space to tickle them to say hi, espeically kids they don't concider good friends. But anyway, take this to an IEP meeting and write some type of goal to teach more appropriate ways to begin conversations, what's ok at home (tickling others) is not ok in public. How will you feel when is 14 and still trys to tickle someone to get a conversation going? (remember that with alot of our kids it takes forever to stop an awanted behavior....here we are still working on the hugging thing here, she didn't hug much until she was around 10 or so, even then it wasn't alot, but we started the handshake thing fairly quickly but it's really hard. sigh, tho when in urgent care recently she was going to hug a lady and I touched her arm and gave her " the look " and she then stuck out her hand. hehe so progress is being made, lol) Joy :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/03 12:11:55 PM Central Standard Time, JTesmer799@... writes: > But anyway, take this to an IEP meeting and write some type of goal to > teach > more appropriate ways to begin conversations, what's ok at home > (tickling others) is not ok in public. How will you feel when is 14 > and still > trys to tickle someone to get a conversation going? (remember that with > alot > of our kids it takes forever to stop an awanted behavior....here we are > still > working on the hugging thing here, she didn't hug much until she was around > 10 > or so, even then it wasn't alot, but we started the handshake thing fairly > quickly but it's really hard. sigh, tho when in urgent care recently she > was > going to hug a lady and I touched her arm and gave her " the look " and she > then > stuck out her hand. hehe so progress is being made, lol) > > Joy :-) > HI Joy You are right about the tickling, and this is something we are working on, NO TOUCHING lol right now she only does it to her friends or Tater, no hugging is something else they have started. Friday Sara went to hug her Sped teacher good-bye, the teacher put her hand up and said " high five's Sara " Sara just turned to the speech therapist and the Vice Principal (who is a huggy person lol) and hugged them, The VP said to the Sped teacher, " I love this child " so again mixed messages. To stop a lot of the hugging I've told Sara she can only hug females (to cut some of it down) and the other day at the Mall an older lady leaned down and touched Tater, Sara told the lady " NO TOUCHING " the lady then leaned towards Sara and Sara amazingly brushed her off with a real dirty look. This surprised me with her friendly personality but she realized this was a stranger and took a stance. Hugging is definitely a sensory issue with Sara, she likes and needs the deep compression, light touches turn her into a monster, she will snap at you with " don't touch me " I feel bad for her to have to now go all day with this sensory need and have to wait until Mom comes around for the big hugs but I know for safety reasons we have to stick with this. Funny the girls didn't complain on her little tickle, only on the name game thing. And unless we can find maybe a better way that meets Sara's needs for an approach I don't see this changing for a while. Maybe saying " Hey girlfriend " might work we wont know until we work with her. But this team has to get on the same page for all of this, she cannot be called silly names if she cant respond the same way. Kathy mom to Sara 11.............hugging in the South is a big part of all of our lives, I see this with all of the kids in school and the professionals :/ ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/03 2:56:39 PM Central Standard Time, mom2bridget@... writes: > You are so right Kathy. It is such a catch 22. All the therapist and > doctors and teachers want hugs. Heck, we want them also. It is so hard!!!! > > mom to Bridget 10 > HI I was sharing this thread with my 14 yr. old and she died laughing, she said " Mom do they realize we live in a culture where everyone hugs, why I wear lots of deodorant " lol gave me a great idea for replacing the hugs. Im going to try and get it implemented ASAP at school. It might even help with the initiating difficult friendships. Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/03 2:54:33 PM Central Standard Time, cindysue@... writes: > As far as name calling - he calls people dork, geek and loser (thanks to > older sibs!). I've never heard him call other people that, just his family > members. > > > HI These are the names that Sara CAN'T say and probably her favorites to use when totally ticked off lol they too started at home. Tater called me a " freak " today, something he must have picked up from cartoons. I just ignored him, which is usually the best strategy for unwanted behaviors. Kathy mom to Sara 11 .......... and Sara certainly share a lot of characteristics heehee lets blame the siblings lolol ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 Kathy and , I want to weigh in on this also. Bridget walks up to kids and tickles or pretends to tickle them. Sometimes she is so rough. Most kids in he school are okay with this. At the grocery store with an unfamiliar kid, it is not okay. Also, she is doing this with adults. While this is what Bridget uses to try to start conversations, we have been working on her putting out her hand or waving and saying " Hi, How are you? " Which comes out " Hi owru " . we are making progress, but it is a long road. Unfortunately these 2 girls you are talking about Kathy, probably think it is a big game. I grew up with several girls like this. It was very hard to be around them. They thought they were better than anyone else and if they tattled on you, then you couldn't tattle on them. The best thing is to try to get Sara to interact with others and leave these two alone. As hard as it is, try to explain to her they are not nice people and aren't worth being around. You could point out to her other adults in our society that you stay away from because they are not nice and how you are just cursory with ones you have to deal with. It is tough!!! Kathy, I know where you are coming from. Bridget is in a spec ed class. In Elem school (3rd grade) it is easier to deal with this. I am not looking forward to having to deal with this next year in the intermediate school (4thru6). JMHO mom to Bridget 10 Re: 5th grade ..... vent In a message dated 11/15/03 9:57:58 AM Central Standard Time, Linman42 writes: > What I am saying here, if anyone has read this far- is that sometimes we > have to take the good and bad with inclusion and sometimes things are just not > acceptable any time- like name calling or fighting, regardless of development. > > ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY HI I would agree with this BUT this is Sara's way of joking around, initiating a conversations and play. She is unable to walk up and start a conversation like " Hey did you see Brittany Spears on ET last night? " Now she is punished when she calls ugly names like ..... fat, loser, stupid etc...... she's also punished when she's aggravating a child with names ........ like when she calls Tater a crybaby ......... but this is different. Are other 5th graders called on the carpet for approaching their friends with " Hey girlfriend " no, Sara's language is not where other 5th graders are and tattling on something this trivial is in IMHO more inappropriate than a silly name. Ive heard others call Sara " Silly Sara " at school and even the adults, why is this OK and doesn't it send mixed messages for Sara. More tolerance for kids who are different is needed and I think at the 5th grade level they know when Sara is being silly and when she's being ugly. Maybe the issue should be replacing one behavior for another which I am not seeing them do. If you strip children of their personality, especially my child lol you might just get a child who is unhappy at school and will result in another (WORSE) behavior problem. Heehee I guess I do disagree with you but I appreciate your insight I just know we have bigger issues to deal with concerning Sara than the silly name game and I do know these 2 girls will be the tool in Sara getting busted for everything this yr I am wondering if they run and tell their mothers when their kindy siblings call them a silly name.............. and what their moms say Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 also likes to tickle others. We are working on good hands (only good - not bad). He can get rough at times. Today at the grocery store, he lifted up my shirt from behind, pulled down on my bra strap, let it snap back and giggled...oh my! He usually does good at the grocery store - today he could not have anything he purchased until he got home and helped me put the food away. As far as name calling - he calls people dork, geek and loser (thanks to older sibs!). I've never heard him call other people that, just his family members. Re: 5th grade ..... vent In a message dated 11/15/03 12:11:55 PM Central Standard Time, JTesmer799@... writes: > But anyway, take this to an IEP meeting and write some type of goal to > teach > more appropriate ways to begin conversations, what's ok at home > (tickling others) is not ok in public. How will you feel when is 14 > and still > trys to tickle someone to get a conversation going? (remember that with > alot > of our kids it takes forever to stop an awanted behavior....here we are > still > working on the hugging thing here, she didn't hug much until she was around > 10 > or so, even then it wasn't alot, but we started the handshake thing fairly > quickly but it's really hard. sigh, tho when in urgent care recently she > was > going to hug a lady and I touched her arm and gave her " the look " and she > then > stuck out her hand. hehe so progress is being made, lol) > > Joy :-) > HI Joy You are right about the tickling, and this is something we are working on, NO TOUCHING lol right now she only does it to her friends or Tater, no hugging is something else they have started. Friday Sara went to hug her Sped teacher good-bye, the teacher put her hand up and said " high five's Sara " Sara just turned to the speech therapist and the Vice Principal (who is a huggy person lol) and hugged them, The VP said to the Sped teacher, " I love this child " so again mixed messages. To stop a lot of the hugging I've told Sara she can only hug females (to cut some of it down) and the other day at the Mall an older lady leaned down and touched Tater, Sara told the lady " NO TOUCHING " the lady then leaned towards Sara and Sara amazingly brushed her off with a real dirty look. This surprised me with her friendly personality but she realized this was a stranger and took a stance. Hugging is definitely a sensory issue with Sara, she likes and needs the deep compression, light touches turn her into a monster, she will snap at you with " don't touch me " I feel bad for her to have to now go all day with this sensory need and have to wait until Mom comes around for the big hugs but I know for safety reasons we have to stick with this. Funny the girls didn't complain on her little tickle, only on the name game thing. And unless we can find maybe a better way that meets Sara's needs for an approach I don't see this changing for a while. Maybe saying " Hey girlfriend " might work we wont know until we work with her. But this team has to get on the same page for all of this, she cannot be called silly names if she cant respond the same way. Kathy mom to Sara 11.............hugging in the South is a big part of all of our lives, I see this with all of the kids in school and the professionals :/ ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:19:08 AM US Mountain Standard Time, b4alltoday@... writes: > If you strip children of their personality, especially my child lol you > might > just get a child who is unhappy at school and will result in another (WORSE) > > behavior problem Ok...this brings up a subject that has really been bothering me. I watched Graduating the other day. I need to say, this is NOT the time that I should be watching that show. I cried all through it. Then came the point where was diagnosed with depression. He had no friends at school and seemed to hvae alot of behavior issues. So, I worry, right now the school is not overly happy or positive with Mav and I wonder if we are forcing him to depression? Any thoughts? M. [unable to display image] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 OK, I'm back- amanda says some expressions that she has picked up that I definately dont approve of like " word up " and some others as well. I do try to discourage her from using real city slang, although its a little tough. She does say " girlfriend " - we all do and thats fine. She is very conscientious about cursing - she will tell me when I'm cursing and living in this city makes it hard not to. but I do try to watch my language around them because they will only repeat what they hear. As for the hugging parts- we worked on the circle for a while- inner most can hug/kiss thats family members, etc- everyone on the outside circle gets a high five, etc. We have also worked on boundary issues and reinforce the boundary issue- like some people dont want to be hugged or touched or tickled. has also learned to ask if its ok to give a hug. Especially with some of her workers- we discourage it until they have formed some kind of close relationship and she can consider them a close friend. As far as school personnel goes- some people ask amanda for a hug even the principal occassionally so she gives one if it has been established that it is ok or the other person asks her. I know last year, one of her science teachers always gave her a hug and another didnt. Also this is cute- she used to come out of school so late sometimes- why? She was hugging everyone and throwing kisses bye, LOL. One last thought here, have you seen the girls in middle school- they are always hugging each other and walking arm in arm- its sorta what they do- I did and I just want amanda to fit in and be as appropriate as she can possibly be so that she will be included and accepted more and more. It is a tough balancing act- and we just have to do whats best for each of our kids! ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 , Some thoughts here- first of all, school is not a happy place for lots of kids. Also, amanda's therapist had a good point last year- I told him that she was spending lots of time in her room and could she possibly be depressed. His reply was, " At school, amanda is like on stage all day- shes got to fit in, prove herself, be accepted, do the right thing, do the work, be liked, etc (i could go on and on here) and when she gets home, its like she goes off stage and gets to relax without anyone judging her or 'performing' any more " . There are also lots of things amanda likes to do like sing in the choir or go to her saturday program with other special needs teens. So shes still involved in other things besides school which she enjoys. I'm sure Mav likes his sports and skateboarding and now roller skating for the big party. I'm sure he has ways to do things he enjoys and does well and the pressure is less. I also made this realization and I think we already talked about it- sometimes people want to be with other people that are similiar to them in some other way- and amanda really enjoys her saturday program with other teens with special needs i think because she doesnt have to prove herself so much there or worry about being wrong or out of place or not accepted and she can just be who she is and relax. - I'd say if Mav is happy with some other activity or another, then he is prob not depressed- hey school is depressing for me!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 You are so right Kathy. It is such a catch 22. All the therapist and doctors and teachers want hugs. Heck, we want them also. It is so hard!!!! mom to Bridget 10 Re: 5th grade ..... vent Kathy mom to Sara 11.............hugging in the South is a big part of all of our lives, I see this with all of the kids in school and the professionals :/ ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 Absolutley , I fully agree. Otherwise we could end up with bullies bullying a child with special needs into beating up or even killing someone the bully was mad at and blaming it on 'the need' and the fact that 'they didn't know any better'. and what makes me feel worse is that I don't think we are very far from this kind of thing happening in a lot of schools. I know it happens at our school, fortunately on a MUCH smaller scale...just name calling...but isn;t that where it all starts? Oh how upsetting and depressing to think about...jen From: [mailto: linman42@...]B4alltoday@..., @...: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 10:57:58 ESTSubject: Re: 5th grade ..... ventkathy,Hi- nice to see ya. That name calling business is a tough one- because the other kids do it all the time and it seems to be ok, but when one of our kids does it to try and be just like the others, they are sometimes singled out.I dont think name calling even in jest is appropiate- like amanda says sometimes that people are " crazy " . Well, taken out of content or said to the wrong people, that could get her in big trouble.The same way that " monkey " can be interpreted in a negative way- a teacher in NYC got fired for using that word in reference to a student...And the other side of that is this- a few weeks ago, amanda had a really bad day- we found out later it was a pms day- but before that her para was leaving early - ok so we identified the situation which will bring on the negative behavior, but too late because she was fighting with one of her classmates in humanities and saying really awful things to her. Well, the teacher feared for her safey- ie the other girl hitting her- so he removed her. Then there was a whole class discussion about why can amanda do that and not get into the same trouble as other kids when they do it- and a discussion without amanda there about everyone's needs are different and blah blah blah. Well, her spec needs friends in the class were devasted and couldnt speak worrying about amanda and the other kids didnt think it was fair. The teacher did tell them that there would be some reprecussions for amanda -like calling us in- but they still felt it wasnt fair that she didnt get sent to the principal or suspended the way other kids would have in a similar situation.What I am saying here, if anyone has read this far- is that sometimes we have to take the good and bad with inclusion and sometimes things are just not acceptable any time- like name calling or fighting, regardless of development. ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 i also agree with you kathy...oh my am i ever playing both end to the middle this week. I guess this just goes to show you i can't make a decision to save my soul LOLOLOLOL...I think in your specific case, the girls Sara was trying to have fun with were just TRYING toget Sara in trouble for something and that probably has very little to do with Sara and any needs she may or may not have and has more to do with the fact that these girls feel they have an imagine to uphold and that they are too good to be seen talking to ANYONE not in their perseved (spelling?) group or class. that almost makes me madder.....aaarrrggg jen From: [mailto: b4alltoday@...]Linman42@..., @...: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 11:18:02 ESTSubject: Re: 5th grade ..... ventIn a message dated 11/15/03 9:57:58 AM Central Standard Time, Linman42 writes: & gt; What I am saying here, if anyone has read this far- is that sometimes we & gt; have to take the good and bad with inclusion and sometimes things are just not & gt; acceptable any time- like name calling or fighting, regardless of development. & gt; & gt; ~ Mom to 13 DS and Diabetes Type 1 and 9 NYHI :)I would agree with this BUT this is Sara's way of joking around, initiating a conversations and play. She is unable to walk up and start a conversation like " Hey did you see Brittany Spears on ET last night? " Now she is punished when she calls ugly names like ..... fat, loser, stupid etc...... she's also punished when she's aggravating a child with names ........ like when she calls Tater a crybaby ......... but this is different. Are other 5th graders called on the carpet for approaching their friends with " Hey girlfriend " no, Sara's language is not where other 5th graders are and tattling on something this trivial is in IMHO more inappropriate than a silly name. Ive heard others call Sara " Silly Sara " at school and even the adults, why is this OK and doesn't it send mixed messages for Sara. More tolerance for kids who are different is needed and I think at the 5th grade level they know when Sara is being silly and when she's being ugly. Maybe the issue should be replacing one behavior for another which I am not seeing them do. If you strip children of their personality, especially my child lol you might just get a child who is unhappy at school and will result in another (WORSE) behavior problem.Heehee I guess I do disagree with you but I appreciate your insight I just know we have bigger issues to deal with concerning Sara than the silly name game and I do know these 2 girls will be the tool in Sara getting busted for everything this yr I am wondering if they run and tell their mothers when their kindy siblings call them a silly name.............. and what their moms sayKathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ / ___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/_ __ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 LOL I am I suggested that Sara and her teachers come up with a special handshake that only THEY do- like guys college handshakes. And only Sara can tell who uses the handshakes- then she has " power " over that particular thing. And she is still getting the I am loved feeling from it ( like you do from hugs) as it is a special handshake- and also teachers feel good too, and don't need to send her mixed messages. mom2bridget wrote: > Kathy, > > Who is and what idea did she give you? I can always use some > strategies. > > mom to Bridget 10 > -- Aussie Leis- mum to BJ - 6 in 3 days - where have the yrs gone?? ds, Natahsa 21 months - hellion on 2 little legs and - 3.5 weeks...still an angel- for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2003 Report Share Posted November 15, 2003 Kathy, Who is and what idea did she give you? I can always use some strategies. mom to Bridget 10 Re: 5th grade ..... vent In a message dated 11/15/03 2:56:39 PM Central Standard Time, mom2bridget@... writes: You are so right Kathy. It is such a catch 22. All the therapist and doctors and teachers want hugs. Heck, we want them also. It is so hard!!!! mom to Bridget 10 HI I was sharing this thread with my 14 yr. old and she died laughing, she said " Mom do they realize we live in a culture where everyone hugs, why I wear lots of deodorant " lol gave me a great idea for replacing the hugs. Im going to try and get it implemented ASAP at school. It might even help with the initiating difficult friendships. Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:04:31 PM Eastern Standard Time, Michdock@... writes: > Ok...this brings up a subject that has really been bothering me. I watched > > Graduating the other day. I need to say, this is NOT the time that I > should be watching that show. I cried all through it. Then came the point > where > was diagnosed with depression. He had no friends at school and seemed > > to hvae alot of behavior issues. So, I worry, right now the school is not > overly happy or positive with Mav and I wonder if we are forcing him to > depression? > Any thoughts? > , There was more to 's story than was emphasized in the story. Didn't his brother die during his high school years? I thought that was a big reason for his depression. The psychiatrist he went to didn't seem to help. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't think his school environment caused his depression. If you worried about his handling his school environment would seeing a guidance counselor help? I know it won't help someone who's already depressed, but if you're worried about how Mav is handling school issues, maybe it could help. Kathy, Liam's mom( 5) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 In a message dated 11/15/2003 9:04:31 PM Eastern Standard Time, Michdock@... writes: > . So, I worry, right now the school is not > overly happy or positive with Mav and I wonder if we are forcing him to > depression? > Any thoughts? > And another point... I have a friend who has a 20 year old son with a learning disability. He was included for a time, but then put in an exclusive environment. He was depressed in both environments. If depression is really a chemical thing then it can happen in any environment. Kathy, Liam's mom( 5) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 I would start right now teaching her that we hug ONLY family and friends. If you start now, she might get it before it starts to be a problem. We really encourage Mav with the Hi Fives, cool handshakes, thumbs up methods. We constantly tell him, " We don't hug our friends! " Now, we come from a VERY huggy family and with all the little ones, someone is ALWAYS getting/giving hugs and kisses. And we hug our friends when they come to our house...and he has learned that hugging adult friends at home is OK, as long as it is OK with them. But not at school. M. [unable to display image] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 In a message dated 11/16/03 10:48:36 PM Central Standard Time, lisa@... writes: > I know BJ is only 6 ( I was gonna say 5, but he's 6 in 2 days...OMG ) > but one thing for everyone to remember too, and I realize this is a > double standard, but hey.... > > It is ok for girls to hug, but boys don't hug ppl that much. HI I agree, I am very observant when I am at the school and the girls hug all of the time, especially the older grades. If they aren't hugging they are touching each others hair, face etc ....... this is going to be a difficult task Sara doesn't hug strangers and only certain individuals ....... adults she really knows and cares about. Also she usually isn't the one who initiates hugs so I betting she wont turn them down. Some days though I've seen her turn away from just the " good-byes " lol moody Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 In a message dated 11/16/03 10:48:36 PM Central Standard Time, lisa@... writes: > I know BJ is only 6 ( I was gonna say 5, but he's 6 in 2 days...OMG ) > but one thing for everyone to remember too, and I realize this is a > double standard, but hey.... > > It is ok for girls to hug, but boys don't hug ppl that much. HI I agree, I am very observant when I am at the school and the girls hug all of the time, especially the older grades. If they aren't hugging they are touching each others hair, face etc ....... this is going to be a difficult task Sara doesn't hug strangers and only certain individuals ....... adults she really knows and cares about. Also she usually isn't the one who initiates hugs so I betting she wont turn them down. Some days though I've seen her turn away from just the " good-byes " lol moody Kathy mom to Sara 11 ¸...¸ ___/ /\ \___ ¸...¸ ,·´º o`·, /__/ _/\_ \__\ ,·´º o`·, ```)¨(´´´ | | | | | | | | | ```)¨(´´´ ¸,.-·²°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°²·-.¸ As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Josh. 24:15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I understand at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people other then family and close friends, but at what age is this appropriate to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons (they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers. And, I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the older grades. will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress that, though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I step in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ????? This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.). Thanks, , mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 I know BJ is only 6 ( I was gonna say 5, but he's 6 in 2 days...OMG ) but one thing for everyone to remember too, and I realize this is a double standard, but hey.... It is ok for girls to hug, but boys don't hug ppl that much. Michdock@... wrote: > I would start right now teaching her that we hug ONLY family and > friends. If > you start now, she might get it before it starts to be a problem. > We really encourage Mav with the Hi Fives, cool handshakes, thumbs up > methods. We constantly tell him, " We don't hug our friends! " Now, we > come from a > VERY huggy family and with all the little ones, someone is ALWAYS > getting/giving > hugs and kisses. And we hug our friends when they come to our > house...and he > has learned that hugging adult friends at home is OK, as long as it is OK > with them. > But not at school. > > M. > [unable to display image] > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 Blake started preschool 2 mornings a week this year. The school said they couldn't afford an aide, so I said I would be there with him. It seems a little awkward, I know. But, it helps me feel better and it helps the school. Two mornings a week isn't much trouble, and they pay me for mileage. Anyway, Blake is such a " ladies man " . On his first day of preschool, he sat by a girl....who he immediately hugged. I thought it was cute, so I took a picture. He tried hugging on his second day of school and the teacher told him, " no hugging at preschool. " He must have gotten the picture....because he never hugged another student. He has, however, hugged his therapists at school. I have to admit that I prefer his therapists that act like they *enjoy* his hugs to the therapists who don't *allow* him to hug them. I guess I'm having trouble balancing this issue too... Of course, as mom, I think anyone who he is willing to hug should feel grateful for the opportunity. He's such a cutie! I just adore him! Schulte Re: 5th grade ..... vent > OK, you've got me thinking about the hugging thing. I guess I understand > at least some of the reasoning for teaching kids not to hug people > other then family and close friends, but at what age is this appropriate > to begin? In kindergarten, teachers hug kids for a variety of reasons > (they are hurt, sad, happy, saying goodbye, etc.) If I were to tell > it were not OK to hug her teacher and/or aide, she would be > acting differently (or treated differently) from her typical peers. And, > I know it depends on the teacher..... some are " huggers " even into the > older grades. > > will sometimes ask to hug people other then family (like her > aide..... some days, she will just wave and say bye, other days, she > will go to the aide and tell her " I want a hug " ). I am happy that she > somehow senses the boundry thing (we really haven't had to stress that, > though there are many years to come :-), but am wondering, should I step > in and tell " No, give ________ a high-five instead " ????? > > This is a tough issue for me to balance..... does anyone have > suggestions (maybe that grow with a child...... it's OK to do ____ in > preschool, _____ in 2nd grade, _____ in middle school, etc.). > > Thanks, > > , mom to (8), (5 DS), and (4) > > > > > Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for messages to go to the sender of the message. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2003 Report Share Posted November 16, 2003 In a message dated 11/16/2003 9:47:38 PM US Mountain Standard Time, lisa@... writes: > It is ok for girls to hug, My 10 yr old foster daughter, who also has DS also hugged whoever she felt like hugging. Very inappropriately, esp as she was developing. It made me nervous. M. [unable to display image] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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