Anela - Brought the baby home...

[Guest guest]

hi anela -

i just wanted to say that my husband probably would have acted the same way

if i were in your shoes. i read a comment in a book quite some time ago

that really stuck with me and that i remember sharing with my husband at a

time that i felt he could have been doing more with our babies. that was

that bonding with an infant occurs through taking care of their

needs. maybe it would help if you stressed this idea to your husband when

you are in need of his help.

best wishes.

*carolyn.

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[Guest guest]

Carolyn that bonding you mention is accurate. My DH did lots of baby work and all subsequent work I might add. He is very close to our boys - I think he kisses and hugs them more than I do!

Kathy

Re: Re: ANELA - Brought the baby home...

hi anela -i just wanted to say that my husband probably would have acted the same way if i were in your shoes. i read a comment in a book quite some time ago that really stuck with me and that i remember sharing with my husband at a time that i felt he could have been doing more with our babies. that was that bonding with an infant occurs through taking care of their needs. maybe it would help if you stressed this idea to your husband when you are in need of his help.best wishes.*carolyn.-- No virus found in this outgoing message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.296 / Virus Database: 265.6.5 - Release Date: 12/26/2004

[Guest guest]

Hi Anela,

I hear you on the hubby situation -- mine wasn't that much of a help at all

during the 1st year of my daughter's life. Sure, he did what he " had " to do

(including watching her 3 days a week in the afternoons once I went back to

work) but not much else. He is actually getting much better now -- I think

partially because she is more " fun " now (she'll be 17 months old in a few

days) -- but he still gets much more " down " time than I ever get. He can

just disappear and go watch TV whereas I'm on duty full time unless she is

asleep. It definately did lead to some resentment on my part, and that is

gradually diminishing as he does more and more with her. But, the lack of

help on his part is what makes me question whether or not I want to have

another child. Although, I will say that he is not going to get off as easy

if we do have another, because I am going to demand rather loudly that he

help out more. I'm also going to take advantage of other support systems

more -- my mom is a big help and was always willing to help and I'm

definately going to take more advantage of that if I have another.

What Carolyn mentioned is also true about the bonding thing, my DD is very

bonded to me and not so much to my DH -- she says " mama " but not " dada " and

she does a little happy dance when I get home from work. I think one of the

reasons he is doing more now is b/c he sees this and is a bit jealous.

Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling, I just hope you are feeling better and

getting as much rest as you can -- you have two older children, also, right?

Please take advantage of any and all help you can get!!

((HUGS))

Donna

>

>

>Aloha Donna,

>

>There are times that he does help me with the baby, he feels that I

>should take care of the baby more than he does. Don't get me wrong,

>he does help out with the baby, just that when he doesn't want to be

>bothered, I have to leave him alone. I still continue to ask for

>help no matter what, but I know that it gets annoying at times,

>which he does show that he is annoyed when I ask for help too much.

>I have gone to the hospital to check up on my pains. My doctor said

>that I'm doing okay, that most of the pain is normal healing pain.

>But there is a slight rip in my incision that is slowly healing.

>I've been going to the hospital for that and have to continue my

>visits until it's fully healed.

>I know that I'm not reading too much into his body language. He

>does complain to me about him having to do too much right now. That

>he doesn't like when I constantly ask him for help. That he needs

>time for himself to just relax. I just wish that I could let him do

>that, but I do need the help and I know that I'm being too much of a

>bother. I just wish that I was in better shape so that I would be

>able to do things on my own, without having to get my husband upset

>at me, for asking him to help me out with things.

>Well I'd better run, it's very early in the morning and I need rest

>for yet another long day ahead of me. You take care and god bless.

>

>much aloha, Anela

>