Would like some input - afraid to love the baby?

[Guest guest]

hi Sue

when Fiona was born, it took me only about 4 hours - exactly the amount of

time it took them to get me stiched up and on my feet and for me to creep up

to the intensiv care unit and have her put in my arms. I tried

breast-feeding her, but she was way too weak, but the little tiny helpless

bundle I was holding stole my heart. But those 4 hours without her before

that were torture, I went thru wishing she would die and solve all coming

problems that way, etc etc.

But what you said about being afraid to loose the baby struck a chord.

Fiona went thru hell and back with all of her health issues, doctors gave up

on her 6 times (at least, those were the 6 times they admitted their

helplessness).

My 3 big boys were 17,15 and 11 when she was born and we had been thru a

rough time. Especially for the 11 year old. I had divorced their (alkoholic)

father when he was 3, then a whole row of close relatives died, aunts and

uncles and cousins who were very dear to me, and then my son lost his little

girl friend to cancer (my best friends daughter), then my brother died in a

terrible accident at work, then my mom died. On the day my little girl was

born, my new father in law had his leg amputated (diabetic). It was just too

much for my 11 year old. He was afraid to love his little sister and loose

her. He first held her in is arms when she was half a year old and had

survived her major heart surgery. He had tears in his eyes. I hadn't pushed

him, had let him take his time, but he was afraid to love her and loose her,

and afraid to loose her before he had a chance to love her. It was tearing

him to pieces.

Time has healed alot but I often have to think of that moment and about the

whole situation. Sometimes there are situations which are definitely too

much.

Let us hope this young mother has a lot of help to find the right path, what

ever that is for her and her family.

Gundula