Would like some input (long)

[Guest guest]

I went to my local DS support group meeting yesterday afternoon and

found out that I had missed something big at the last meeting two

weeks ago.

One of our moms had somehow hooked up with a new mom of a DS baby

girl. The baby is now about 1 month old. The new mom showed up with

her mom (baby's grandma) and the baby at the last meeting. This new

mom is not adjusting at all to the new baby, by her own account. The

mom and grandma said they just can't see past the DS to the child and

keep " picking her apart. " The mom has two boys, 3 and 5 yrs old.

Both parents have some unspecified health issues, as does the oldest

boy, and apparently they just can't handle this news. Two of the

moms in our support group have been talking with her to give her good

information, and one mom took pictures of her 6 yr old DS daughter to

the new mom in an attempt to show her that DS kids are like other

kids.

Apparently, this is not working. The new mom is now saying she will

probably put the baby up for adoption. The mom who took the pictures

over is saying that she would like to adopt the baby, although she

has not told the new mom this.

We were all in a big uproar yesterday. We would all like to see the

new mom keep the baby AND be happy with her. However, we discussed

just how long it took us to adjust to the news with our own kids and

fall in love with our babies (not very long for any of us). We

wondered if you didn't think you could love a DS baby by the time she

was 1 month old, would you ever? The mom who wants to adopt the baby

is afraid if she mentions it to the new mom, then would the new mom

be pushed into a decision she would later regret? The dad and

grandma, BTW, are apparently supporting the mom's decision, whatever

it may be.

What about the baby? I don't want to think she's staying in a home

where she is not valued, but I also know that happens to typical

kids, too. I also worry about the baby as a child or teenager,

figuring out that the mom didn't keep her mainly because of the DS.

This mom COULD raise her, and is raising two other kids, but is

rejecting this baby only because of the DS.

Should my friend approach the new mom about adopting the baby? If

this new mom really does settle on adoption, what do they do then,

find an adoption attorney? Find an agency? Who keeps the baby in the

interim?

As so many of you on this list have adopted DS kids, I would love

your input. Even though I am not directly involved, my local support

group really supports each other and I would not want any of us

blundering into a situation and making it worse.

Thank you so much for reading this!

Sincerely,

Jill (Mom to Luke, , Song, , & Emma--DS; wife to )

Deep in the heart of Texas