an update

[Guest guest]

This is probably one of the hardest letters I have ever had to write

because I love being a part of this group, but right now, I'm not

feeling too worthy. Although I have never met any of you (in

person), you have all sent me kind words, I have been educated by

your posts, and I feel like I know you.

We are not going to move forward with this adoption. We still, with

all of our hearts, want to adopt a baby with down syndrome, but we

just felt we weren't able to handle the medical needs of this baby.

The story is so long and so involved, but we feel that the process

that we went through failed us. We did meet with doctors 3 weeks

ago about the baby's medical concerns, born with down syndrome & he

was 2.9 pounds at birth, and we felt comfortable to move forward.

We waited, and waited, and waited to see if we were " chosen " , and we

wanted desperately to see the baby. Yesterday, we met the birthmom

and her mom, who were very nice. The hospital said that maybe the

baby would be released that day (we thought on Friday). Right after

we met the birthmom, we all went rushing to the hospital. My

husband and I held this beautiful baby for about 10-15 minutes, when

a nurse came in, sat down, and starting telling us all the care the

baby would need. Everything she was telling us, was nothing that we

had been aware of, and she spoke so quickly and with not much

concern for my husband and me. She also was telling us this

information in front of the birth mom, and we were so uncomfortable.

(the hospital then was going to train us extensively over the next

couple of days to take care of the baby). It is hard to explain in

writing, because as I write it, it doesn't even sound remotely like

the experience we had. I wish she would have given us time with the

baby...we had just met the birthmom, we had just held the baby, and

she could have asked us to step away privately. Right after she

told us his care, the case manager came, told us a bunch of

information, wanted us to pick, on the spot, a visiting

nurse,...When we left the hospital, I was hysterical. We did meet

with the case manager for a few minutes, and explained how

overwhelmed we were by the way the information was presented to us.

I think that the adoption agency should have looked at this adoption

a little differently than their typical adoptions. Had we been able

to go to the hospital days ago, and learn the care this baby would

need, we could have had time to process it, learn more about it,

gain a comfort level, and then if we decided we weren't able to meet

the baby's needs, then we could have let them know before we met the

birth mother, and broke her heart. No one would let us see the

baby, and learn the extent of his care until yesterday.

My husband and I just feel like since we have 3 small children, and

I am a stay at home working mom, that we couldn't meet the needs of

this baby, and the children we have. I feel so badly for the way

this happened, but mostly my heart is breaking for the baby. I did

call someone who I know that can work with the agency, and hopefully

find him a home. I said I'm not sure if I am worthy to be a part of

this group because I know so many of you have faced medical needs,

and I feel shame to say that we can't.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I did want to let everyone know. And

thank you for your emails, your prayers, and your thoughts. Stacey