*HUG*

[Guest guest]

My Dearest ,

I'm sitting here crying with you sweet strong woman. I cannot possibly know how you feel, all I know is that if I am this sad, you must be almost numb. I wish there were something I could do. Words are so useless in times of emotion.

"Today was Matty's calling, and tomorrow is the funeral. Today was sovery very hard...and tomorrow will be worse. Tomorrow, they are puttingmy baby, my sweet sweet baby in a box and putting him in the ground, andI just don't know how I am ever going to do it. I swear, the hardestthing I have ever done in my entire life was to walk out of thathospital room and leave my son alone. I know that he was already gone,but it still just didn't seem right."

No one expects to out live their children. Let alone struggle with them, see them fight on while all you can do is love. You did everything you could for your Matty. I am sure he knows that, as do we all. I cannot imagine what that feels like. Such pain, sorrow, loss. This time in your life must seem like a nightmare. Please be gentle with yourself. Take one day at a time, each hour as it passes and each moment as it happens. I wish I was there to hold you and just cry with you. For I would.

"Matty died peacefully at 8:32 am Friday. When he got too tired, he just stopped breathing. I never realized how much pain he was in until I saw it all release from his body...I saw his face relax and wash clean...."

It is reassuring to know that he passed over in his sleep, it is still so sad. At least now you know he is in no more pain. He will watch over you forever.

Matty was part of our lives too, although all we could do is love you and support you. We have a memorial page, http://www.elderwyn.com/members/inlovingmemory I shall add Matty. If you wish for me to add a photo of him just send me one. (aisha@... )

I know you joined this list because you were caring for Matty and needed support. That support is extended to you always. You are a treasured friend and I hope you know that you are welcome to stay here for eternity if it is what you need. You need us now more then ever and we are here for you, loving you, unconditionally.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you all. You all have beenwonderful. In the short time that I have been on this list, you all havebeen such a source of comfort and inspiration for me. Sometimes, friendscome from the least expected sources."

Right back at you babe. You have been here for us too in our hour of need don't forget. You are an inspiration to us all.

Love you , just yell if you need us ok.

All my love, Aisha.