A Clever Admissions Essay

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A Clever Admissions EssayThis essay comes from an unknown writer, but apparently got theperson accepted into a good school.3A. ESSAYIN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOWYOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWINGQUESTION:ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, ORACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOUAS A PERSON?I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunchbreaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I writeaward-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, Itread water for three days in a row.I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I canpilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and Icook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert instucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I oncesingle-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin froma horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I wasscouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. Ienjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repairelectrical appliances free of charge.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthlessbookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroyevening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet Ireceive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won theweekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelingentrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floralarrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.Children trust me.I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadlyaccuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entiredining room that evening. I know the exact location of every fooditem in the supermarket. I have performed several covertoperations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, Isleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfullynegotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a smallbakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contactorigami.Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write itdown. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only amouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have wonbullfights in San , cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka,and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I haveperformed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.But I have not yet gone to college.

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*Believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.Believe that you may be that light for someone else.- Kobi Yamada*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=* Aisha ElderwynICQ 55461955aisha@...http://www.elderwyn.com/aishaMailing list: AishaElderwyn-subscribeegroupsBeing Sick: