Chapter 7 assent of man in the oilpatch.

[Guest guest]

Et All:

I find myself sitting staring, albeit somewhat empty minded or mildly

hypothermic (you choose) as its dark and - 34 C (ps no poofter wind-chill factor

included) gazing across a somewhat less than picturesque view of miles and

miles of what the locals call SKEG, home to caribou, moose, wolves and foxes and

no not what YOUR thinking Rob.

I am accompanied by the local tribe's the indigenous peoples here called

" pipeliners " . I believe that they may be distantly related to those union OZ

types as the word union and beers is overheard and used in the same sentence.

Although much more protective clothing is worn than the typical OZ PPE beach

shorts with my wards. It is my theorem that these pipeliners are culturally

distinct group in so far as my documentation is concerned, primarily due to a

higher than average risk injury to eyes. As all the members of this board can

identify medical terms, specifically: " occularslagotitis " with associated

comorbidity of " latereportit " with of course the complication's of digitally

impacted and iatrogenic " grinditindanggoodis " adjuncts used to assist in this

last pathology would be gloves, covered filthy and kitty litter.

Through observation, a very curious neurological disorder also exists in

this sub species' of this tribal oilpatch worker. What I have named the

" preflashheadbobatosis " this is rapid twitch response is observed just preceding

a large flash of light (well ... SOMETIMES !) This has my supply of tetracaine,

OTC ibuprophen and muscle relaxants dwindles, and all double locked up

documented to the tablet (in SEA CAN) Fortunately there is no shortage of

material for " cool " compresses as in sandwich bag's and somewhat " sterile " solid

state precipitation abounds (avoid the yellow snow, svp) I have in the last

fortnight had 6 lovely deep corneal lacs, intruding into pupil, grinder dust

++++, plus these rusty red hallos surrounding fixated piece's of black crap,

most highly likely been in situ for years .... although very attractive in some.

Word is out from tribal leader / company safety man (ex mil) that a memo has

been issued and the field ophthalmologist (underpaid I add) is now accepting new

patients, no appointments necessary, field calls to be placed in sequence as

" Eye / Involved / Observed / Underreported " list, hereon after to be called the

EIOU (and most times Y) ... SIR !

Tips of the fingers have some problems remaining attached as well most

curiously " tipodigitousamputosis " or " squashmefingerosis " is a close second,

although root cause could be congenital in some, genetic lack of focus in

others, a study is being debated to undertake. Said study, presently awaiting

funding with grog ration as pre payment.

So after lengthy preamble:

I am asking for some advice, as my eye examination skills are a bit

challenged or perhaps my eyes are challenged, as this is probably closer to the

real truth. I have a flip down cheap ass 'magnafocuser' good for identifying

things the size of coins, roots of trees and the like, but crappy for much else.

I am looking to invest in a real ottoscope and / or a Sherlock Holmes magnifier

.... if the group would be so kind as to suggest their devices for more

comprehensive microscopic eye examination my ears are open, and NO Donn B. there

is no room in my MTC (aka Mobil Treatment Center mounted on a 4x4 camper) for a

slit lamp, something hand held, for walkabout rounds.

Any suggestion(s) most kindly accepted .

cheers

Wilf

ps Why do I feel like Darwin some days ?