Guest guest Posted October 18, 2002 Report Share Posted October 18, 2002 I had to pass this on, its all too familiar to some. Thanks Nigel (the author) and Gareth (who passed it on) Best Wishes Ian Missing the Royal Navy Here's how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days & simulate living onboard ship once more ! 1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a small sleeping bag 2. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small 3. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, then hang it over the water pipes to dry 4. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shire a torch in your eyes and say, " Sorry Mate " . 5. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the centre of your bath and move the shower head to chest level. Store beer barrels in the shower enclosure. 6. When you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap 7. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you are sick !!. 8. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high. 9. Don't watch TV, except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism, have your family vote for which movie they want to see, then select a different one. 10. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels. (Mandatory for engineers) 11. Have a paper-boy cut your hair. 12. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbours house. When he complains, laugh at him 13. Buy a rubbish compactor, and use it once per week. Store up your rubbish in the other side of the bath. 14. Wake up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of any thing you can find, preferably using stale bread. Optional - cold soup or ravioli out of a can. 15. Devise menus for your family a week in advance without looking in the larder or fridge. 16. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through out the night, when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can and then run into the garden and break out the garden hose. 17. Once a month, take every major household appliance completely apart then re-assemble. 18. Use four spoons of coffee per cup, and allow to sit for three hours before drinking. 19. Invite about 85 people who you don't like to come and stay for a month. 20. Install a small fluorescent light under your coffee table, then lie underneath it to read books. 21. Raise the threshold and lower the top sills of all the doors in your house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your shins when passing through them. 22. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin whilst it is in the oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again. 23. Every so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout, " man overboard " . Then run into the kitchen and sweep all the dishes and pans onto the floor whilst yelling at your wife for not having secured for sea 24. Put on the headphones of your stereo, do not plug them in. Go and stand in front of the dishwasher. Say to nobody in particular, " dishwasher manned and ready Sir " . Stand there for three or four hours. Say once, again to nobody in particular, " dishwasher secured " . Remove the headphones, roll up the cord and put them away. 25. Nickname your favourite shoes " steamies " , then get your children to hide them around the house on a random basis. __________________________________________ Ian Sharpe International SOS Paramedic AGIP Kco Marine Supply Base Bautino, Republic of Kazakhstan Tel: +31 70 313 3655 / 3690 (Clinic/ Accommodation) Mobile + 882 16711 02805 (24 Hour) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Personal Mail to Ian@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2002 Report Share Posted October 19, 2002 Ian can i just say mate that,you need to get out more or seek medical help! LOL From: " Base Paramedic [bT] " <Base_Paramedic@...> Date: 2002/10/19 Sat AM 03:50:43 GMT " Remote Medics (E-mail) " <Remotesupportmedics > Subject: Weekend Humour I had to pass this on, its all too familiar to some. Thanks Nigel (the author) and Gareth (who passed it on) Best Wishes Ian Missing the Royal Navy Here's how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days & simulate living onboard ship once more ! 1. Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a small sleeping bag 2. Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that's too small 3. Wash your underwear every night in a bucket, then hang it over the water pipes to dry 4. Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain, shire a torch in your eyes and say, " Sorry Mate " . 5. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the centre of your bath and move the shower head to chest level. Store beer barrels in the shower enclosure. 6. When you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap 7. Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you are sick !!. 8. Put oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high. 9. Don't watch TV, except for movies in the middle of the night. For added realism, have your family vote for which movie they want to see, then select a different one. 10. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to re-create the proper noise levels. (Mandatory for engineers) 11. Have a paper-boy cut your hair. 12. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbours house. When he complains, laugh at him 13. Buy a rubbish compactor, and use it once per week. Store up your rubbish in the other side of the bath. 14. Wake up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of any thing you can find, preferably using stale bread. Optional - cold soup or ravioli out of a can. 15. Devise menus for your family a week in advance without looking in the larder or fridge. 16. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times through out the night, when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can and then run into the garden and break out the garden hose. 17. Once a month, take every major household appliance completely apart then re-assemble. 18. Use four spoons of coffee per cup, and allow to sit for three hours before drinking. 19. Invite about 85 people who you don't like to come and stay for a month. 20. Install a small fluorescent light under your coffee table, then lie underneath it to read books. 21. Raise the threshold and lower the top sills of all the doors in your house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your shins when passing through them. 22. When baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin whilst it is in the oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side to level it out again. 23. Every so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout, " man overboard " . Then run into the kitchen and sweep all the dishes and pans onto the floor whilst yelling at your wife for not having secured for sea 24. Put on the headphones of your stereo, do not plug them in. Go and stand in front of the dishwasher. Say to nobody in particular, " dishwasher manned and ready Sir " . Stand there for three or four hours. Say once, again to nobody in particular, " dishwasher secured " . Remove the headphones, roll up the cord and put them away. 25. Nickname your favourite shoes " steamies " , then get your children to hide them around the house on a random basis. __________________________________________ Ian Sharpe International SOS Paramedic AGIP Kco Marine Supply Base Bautino, Republic of Kazakhstan Tel: +31 70 313 3655 / 3690 (Clinic/ Accommodation) Mobile + 882 16711 02805 (24 Hour) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Personal Mail to Ian@... Member Information: List owner: Ian Sharpe Owner@... Editor: Ross Boardman Editor@... Post message: egroups Subscribe: -subscribeegroups Unsubscribe: -unsubscribeegroups Thank you for supporting Remote Medics Online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 I was just thinking the same thing. Â My 13 year old is having a breakdown right now as we speak. " Her " ornament is missing and she is positive her little brother broke it, on purpose, because it was hers. " Her " granparents are in IN while we keep her in TX, and they are " HERS " and we don't understand. <sigh>.... Â Kiersten From: and FRANK <michdock@...> Subject: Re: Weekend humour , " Leis " <lisa@...> Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 6:55 PM Â Yeah,,, Leis, you will soon find out that is not only the law according to toddlers.. but TEENS as well. currently parenting too many to care whose is whose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2010 Report Share Posted January 9, 2010 I was just thinking the same thing. My pre-teen (11 almost 12 yo): 1. I don't have to listen to you 2. That's mine 3. Yes you said it was mine 4. He didn't want it, so it's mine. etc. And ALWAYS with a dose of WHINING on top! From: kiersten5560@... Date: Sat, 9 Jan 2010 20:23:40 -0800 Subject: Re: Weekend humour I was just thinking the same thing. My 13 year old is having a breakdown right now as we speak. " Her " ornament is missing and she is positive her little brother broke it, on purpose, because it was hers. " Her " granparents are in IN while we keep her in TX, and they are " HERS " and we don't understand. <sigh>.... Kiersten From: and FRANK <michdock@...> Subject: Re: Weekend humour , " Leis " <lisa@...> Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 6:55 PM Yeah,,, Leis, you will soon find out that is not only the law according to toddlers.. but TEENS as well. currently parenting too many to care whose is whose! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 If teens and parents got along perfectly, the teens may never leave home. *shudder* granny, been there four times On Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 10:23 PM, Kiersten <kiersten5560@...> wrote: > > > I was just thinking the same thing. My 13 year old is having a breakdown > right now as we speak. > " Her " ornament is missing and she is positive her little brother broke it, > on purpose, because it was hers. > " Her " granparents are in IN while we keep her in TX, and they are " HERS " > and we don't understand. > <sigh>.... Kiersten > > > > From: and FRANK <michdock@... <michdock%40msn.com>> > Subject: Re: Weekend humour > <%40>, " Leis " < > lisa@... <lisa%401choice.com.au>> > Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 6:55 PM > > > > Yeah,,, Leis, you will soon find out that is not only the law according to > toddlers.. but TEENS as well. > > > > currently parenting too many to care whose is whose! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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