moving

[Guest guest]

Leah,

Part of my problem with moving is that we are doing it on May 1, which is

so close to the end of the year and my 13yr old is very unhappy about moving

to a new school and not being with all of his friends. Also I really love

Brook's teacher this year and hate to take him away from her. She is so

great and kind that she actually volunteered to be responsible for Brook when

we are in Italy in June for my sister's wedding. Brook will be at a summer

camp, about 21/2 hours away from here. But should anything come up or if he

gets sick, she said she would go get him. Also any kind of changes are hard

on Brook. Maybe if we change homes first and then schools later he could

tolerate it a little better than everything at once.

The last time we moved, right before my daughter was born, 2 1/2 yrs ago, he

had a very hard time, tantrums and head banging, crying etc. He was also out

of school for the summer and so had lost school and his home all at once. We

really don't want to go through that again. Good luck on your move, I hope

it works out well for you.

Marisa

Wife of , Mom to Miles, Brook, and Gennie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/19/00 8:36:01 AM Central Daylight Time, wb4@...

writes:

<< know now that we should have slowly introduced him to the new place. Let

him walk by, help organize, paint, etc. allow him some ownership. We did set

up his room as he wanted, but it was not anything like his previous room.

>>

This is the easy part, my brother in law was one of the American Airlines

guys who won the powerball lottery in March ... they are giving us their

mobile home (bigger and newer than ours) and we are giving my Mom our mobile

home. We are staying in the same park, but it is across the creek. So they

are familiar with the home, the neighbor hood and still have all the

advantages that they have here ... i.e. pool.

will go to my mothers and will work his butt of with us.

Since hubby and I both have medical problems he is probably going to be doing

a lot of physical things I am unable to do. This is going to be interesting

to say the least.

Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

[Guest guest]

I have moved 5 times since Ava was born. One move included a divorce from her

Dad. I have always 1) told her we're moving a few weeks before (don't give too

much time for axiety to accumulate) 2) showed her where we're going 3) visited

the area periodically before we moved and tried to walk through the

house/apartment 4) sent her away while I moved and she came home to a completely

moved in house. It would have been impossible to

include her in the move as far as helping goes because one of the ways she

self-calms is to organize and straighten things and she is NOT flexible about

this (nor organized in any conventional sense!). She'd be setting up little

plastic animal habitats everywhere, arranging paper clips in rows, tying Barbie

dolls by their feet and hanging them upside down from all the lamps and

doorknobs, arranging fake food on her bed with a plan to

just sleep on the floor...............you get the picture. These are things she

has actually done, but one at a time and not while I'm trying to unpack a whole

houselhold.

When we bought this house 3 yrs ago we moved while she was at the beach for 2

weeks with her Dad. I left a few things of hers unpacked so she could put them

on shelves. That's it! If she thought she could rearrange the furniture she'd

STILL be doing it!

Dana in NC

mom2tazbug@... wrote:

> In a message dated 4/19/00 8:36:01 AM Central Daylight Time, wb4@...

> writes:

>

> << know now that we should have slowly introduced him to the new place. Let

> him walk by, help organize, paint, etc. allow him some ownership. We did set

> up his room as he wanted, but it was not anything like his previous room.

> >>

> This is the easy part, my brother in law was one of the American Airlines

> guys who won the powerball lottery in March ... they are giving us their

> mobile home (bigger and newer than ours) and we are giving my Mom our mobile

> home. We are staying in the same park, but it is across the creek. So they

> are familiar with the home, the neighbor hood and still have all the

> advantages that they have here ... i.e. pool.

>

> will go to my mothers and will work his butt of with us.

> Since hubby and I both have medical problems he is probably going to be doing

> a lot of physical things I am unable to do. This is going to be interesting

> to say the least.

>

> Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Avoid the lines and visit avis.com for quick and easy online

> reservations. Enjoy a compact car nationwide for only $29 a day!

> Click here for more details.

> 1/3011/3/_/531051/_/956158615/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

I have moved 5 times since Ava was born. One move included a divorce from her

Dad. I have always 1) told her we're moving a few weeks before (don't give too

much time for axiety to accumulate) 2) showed her where we're going 3) visited

the area periodically before we moved and tried to walk through the

house/apartment 4) sent her away while I moved and she came home to a completely

moved in house. It would have been impossible to

include her in the move as far as helping goes because one of the ways she

self-calms is to organize and straighten things and she is NOT flexible about

this (nor organized in any conventional sense!). She'd be setting up little

plastic animal habitats everywhere, arranging paper clips in rows, tying Barbie

dolls by their feet and hanging them upside down from all the lamps and

doorknobs, arranging fake food on her bed with a plan to

just sleep on the floor...............you get the picture. These are things she

has actually done, but one at a time and not while I'm trying to unpack a whole

houselhold.

When we bought this house 3 yrs ago we moved while she was at the beach for 2

weeks with her Dad. I left a few things of hers unpacked so she could put them

on shelves. That's it! If she thought she could rearrange the furniture she'd

STILL be doing it!

Dana in NC

mom2tazbug@... wrote:

> In a message dated 4/19/00 8:36:01 AM Central Daylight Time, wb4@...

> writes:

>

> << know now that we should have slowly introduced him to the new place. Let

> him walk by, help organize, paint, etc. allow him some ownership. We did set

> up his room as he wanted, but it was not anything like his previous room.

> >>

> This is the easy part, my brother in law was one of the American Airlines

> guys who won the powerball lottery in March ... they are giving us their

> mobile home (bigger and newer than ours) and we are giving my Mom our mobile

> home. We are staying in the same park, but it is across the creek. So they

> are familiar with the home, the neighbor hood and still have all the

> advantages that they have here ... i.e. pool.

>

> will go to my mothers and will work his butt of with us.

> Since hubby and I both have medical problems he is probably going to be doing

> a lot of physical things I am unable to do. This is going to be interesting

> to say the least.

>

> Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Avoid the lines and visit avis.com for quick and easy online

> reservations. Enjoy a compact car nationwide for only $29 a day!

> Click here for more details.

> 1/3011/3/_/531051/_/956158615/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Hi Peggikaye,

Since you have a couple of months before the move, you still have time

to plan. I know what a lot of work moves are!!

First of all, plan for extra time (more than you think you'll need) and

enlist as much help as you possibly can. Try to avoid rushing the boys

in any way, even the day of the move. Would it help them to have an

older friend/teen or babysitter to keep them busy on moving day, or

would they rather be involved in the process with you? Try to get as

much rest as possible beforehand.

Secondly, think about what's most important to your boys. If it's

having things set up in a certain way, do everything you can to make

that happen. Are certain food important to them? Social stuff? Then

set up some play dates in the new area. Let them visit the new house,

if possible, ahead of time. Visit the new neighborhood and orient them

to school, shopping, etc.

Before the mattresses go on the moving truck, bundle each boy's sheets

and blankets together. Put this same bundle back on the beds in the new

house - it will feel and smell familiar. Remember to keep a roll of

toilet paper handy - pack it in your purse if possible!

Keep healthy snacks on hand for an energy boost, and bring bottled water

with you the day of the move.

Above all, solicit their input. Talk it out, if this helps them.

Encourage them to ask questions, it they are the type who like to be

prepared ahead of time. If you'll have a new yard or garden, talk about

what you will plant there.

Talk up the new house, but don't forget to say goodbye to the old. Have

a goodbye ceremony, if you like. Share your feelings and your

enthusiasm. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

Take care,

Lesli (San Francisco Bay)

mom2tazbug@... wrote:

>

> OK for all of you who have moved. We will be moving in a couple of months.

> Only a half mile away but we have lived in this home for 11 years. Since

> is only 10 and a half ... the boys have lived here their whole lives.

> Any suggestions on how to make the move as easy as possible? Any suggestions

> on how to lessen any anxiety that might crop up? Right now they are excited

> and think it is cool. Not sure what is going to happen to my autistic/TS/mild

> OCD son when we actually DO move!

>

> Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Avoid the lines and visit avis.com for quick and easy online

> reservations. Enjoy a compact car nationwide for only $29 a day!

> Click here for more details.

> 1/3011/3/_/531051/_/956145894/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/20/00 12:03:09 AM Central Daylight Time, desk@...

writes:

<< Talk up the new house, but don't forget to say goodbye to the old. Have

a goodbye ceremony, if you like. Share your feelings and your

enthusiasm. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

>>

... thank you. The new house if familiar to them. It is in the same

mobile home park that we live in but on the other side of the creek. It is

for now, (till next Wednesday) my husband's sister's home ... they won the

powerball lottery last month (the 26 men from American Airlines that entered

together) and have bought a house and are giving us their home which is

slightly larger and much newer and in better shape than our 1976 home. This

home is staying in the family ... we are giving it to my mother so they will

still be here often and are keeping their bedroom. So ... that will make the

transition easier ... I HOPE. With 's need for sameness I am worried.

He is excited but he has never lived anywhere but here so??????????

Thank you all for your suggestions, I really appreciate it. The sheets in a

bundle sounds like a REALLY good idea. Thank you.

Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

[Guest guest]

Dana, sounds a lot like Ava in the iron clad picturing of things. He

has to have things the way he *understood* them to be rather than the way

they might be in reality. Thank God he is very intelligent! If he had his

brothers learning and processing problems I can't imagine what he would go

through! 's OCD is more in routines ... such as the swing at school.

He HAS to swing on the 2nd swing every recess. You should see the callouses

on his hand. He has no preconceived ideas about things he doesn't understand,

although he does have anxiety about those but with his learning problems he

has trouble with memory and has trouble with even remembering things and

places he has seen. So ... Well, I am rambling now so I will go.

Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

[Guest guest]

Hi Lesli,

This is really wonderful advice about moving! I get asked about this frequently

in my job as a preschool teacher and I'd like to print out your answer (minus

your name!) to refer to when I'm asked again: it's so clear and concise and it

includes all the important stuff.

This was one of the things that I had to " grieve " about my parenting with Ava;

that all of my preschool experience and good ideas didn't work with her in the

same way. If I did all the things you suggest here with Ava it would almost

guarantee a meltdown! It would be more info than she could handle because

during each step would have formed iron clad ideas in her head about what it

would look like or be like (despite reality) and then

she would pitch a fit when the picture in her head didn't match what was. This

was true of even the simplest things.

This is the one thing that medication changed almost immediately. She became

more flexible. My husband and I didn't have to whisper so much. Before, if

one of us asked the other if we wanted to go out for dinner and Ava heard it she

would form a plan in her head and cry and sulk and be obnoxious if it wasn't the

one we had in mind. The fact that this got better so quickly with meds (less

than a week) makes me think it was more

related to a co-morbid, like anxiety. And information increased her anxiety

rather than decreased it. This is still somewhat true but not like before.

Dana in NC

Masoud & Lesli Molaei wrote:

> Hi Peggikaye,

>

> Since you have a couple of months before the move, you still have time

> to plan. I know what a lot of work moves are!!

>

> First of all, plan for extra time (more than you think you'll need) and

> enlist as much help as you possibly can. Try to avoid rushing the boys

> in any way, even the day of the move. Would it help them to have an

> older friend/teen or babysitter to keep them busy on moving day, or

> would they rather be involved in the process with you? Try to get as

> much rest as possible beforehand.

>

> Secondly, think about what's most important to your boys. If it's

> having things set up in a certain way, do everything you can to make

> that happen. Are certain food important to them? Social stuff? Then

> set up some play dates in the new area. Let them visit the new house,

> if possible, ahead of time. Visit the new neighborhood and orient them

> to school, shopping, etc.

>

> Before the mattresses go on the moving truck, bundle each boy's sheets

> and blankets together. Put this same bundle back on the beds in the new

> house - it will feel and smell familiar. Remember to keep a roll of

> toilet paper handy - pack it in your purse if possible!

>

> Keep healthy snacks on hand for an energy boost, and bring bottled water

> with you the day of the move.

>

> Above all, solicit their input. Talk it out, if this helps them.

> Encourage them to ask questions, it they are the type who like to be

> prepared ahead of time. If you'll have a new yard or garden, talk about

> what you will plant there.

>

> Talk up the new house, but don't forget to say goodbye to the old. Have

> a goodbye ceremony, if you like. Share your feelings and your

> enthusiasm. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

>

> Take care,

> Lesli (San Francisco Bay)

>

> mom2tazbug@... wrote:

> >

> > OK for all of you who have moved. We will be moving in a couple of months.

> > Only a half mile away but we have lived in this home for 11 years. Since

> > is only 10 and a half ... the boys have lived here their whole lives.

> > Any suggestions on how to make the move as easy as possible? Any suggestions

> > on how to lessen any anxiety that might crop up? Right now they are excited

> > and think it is cool. Not sure what is going to happen to my

autistic/TS/mild

> > OCD son when we actually DO move!

> >

> > Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > Avoid the lines and visit avis.com for quick and easy online

> > reservations. Enjoy a compact car nationwide for only $29 a day!

> > Click here for more details.

> > 1/3011/3/_/531051/_/956145894/

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 10% Off FogDog.com, Disney.com, eCost.com and many more.

> You get paid as you shop with the Pointclick network.

> 1/3417/3/_/531051/_/956206926/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

HI Dana,

You're more than welcome to print out the moving info and give it to

other parents. It's one of life's events that I have experienced

thoroughly!

It's ironic because I never lived more than a hour from my hometown

until I met my husband. Then we got married and in the last ten years

we've lived in eight different places, all over the map.

One tip I forgot - get color dot stickers, and then color code the boxes

that go in different rooms.

What you said about Ava sounds so familiar. andra doesn't do the

same preplanning in her head, but many's the time that conventional and

even innovative strategies that worked wonders for other parents simply

failed with her. Medication has helped us tremendously, too, and CBT

gives her an appropriate set of coping mechanisms.

Thanks for writing!

Take care,

Lesli

Carvalho wrote:

>

> Hi Lesli,

>

> This is really wonderful advice about moving! I get asked about this

frequently in my job as a preschool teacher and I'd like to print out your

answer (minus your name!) to refer to when I'm asked again: it's so clear and

concise and it includes all the important stuff.

>

> This was one of the things that I had to " grieve " about my parenting with Ava;

that all of my preschool experience and good ideas didn't work with her in the

same way. If I did all the things you suggest here with Ava it would almost

guarantee a meltdown! It would be more info than she could handle because

during each step would have formed iron clad ideas in her head about what it

would look like or be like (despite reality) and then

> she would pitch a fit when the picture in her head didn't match what was.

This was true of even the simplest things.

>

> This is the one thing that medication changed almost immediately. She became

more flexible. My husband and I didn't have to whisper so much. Before, if

one of us asked the other if we wanted to go out for dinner and Ava heard it she

would form a plan in her head and cry and sulk and be obnoxious if it wasn't the

one we had in mind. The fact that this got better so quickly with meds (less

than a week) makes me think it was more

> related to a co-morbid, like anxiety. And information increased her anxiety

rather than decreased it. This is still somewhat true but not like before.

>

> Dana in NC

>

> Masoud & Lesli Molaei wrote:

>

> > Hi Peggikaye,

> >

> > Since you have a couple of months before the move, you still have time

> > to plan. I know what a lot of work moves are!!

> >

> > First of all, plan for extra time (more than you think you'll need) and

> > enlist as much help as you possibly can. Try to avoid rushing the boys

> > in any way, even the day of the move. Would it help them to have an

> > older friend/teen or babysitter to keep them busy on moving day, or

> > would they rather be involved in the process with you? Try to get as

> > much rest as possible beforehand.

> >

> > Secondly, think about what's most important to your boys. If it's

> > having things set up in a certain way, do everything you can to make

> > that happen. Are certain food important to them? Social stuff? Then

> > set up some play dates in the new area. Let them visit the new house,

> > if possible, ahead of time. Visit the new neighborhood and orient them

> > to school, shopping, etc.

> >

> > Before the mattresses go on the moving truck, bundle each boy's sheets

> > and blankets together. Put this same bundle back on the beds in the new

> > house - it will feel and smell familiar. Remember to keep a roll of

> > toilet paper handy - pack it in your purse if possible!

> >

> > Keep healthy snacks on hand for an energy boost, and bring bottled water

> > with you the day of the move.

> >

> > Above all, solicit their input. Talk it out, if this helps them.

> > Encourage them to ask questions, it they are the type who like to be

> > prepared ahead of time. If you'll have a new yard or garden, talk about

> > what you will plant there.

> >

> > Talk up the new house, but don't forget to say goodbye to the old. Have

> > a goodbye ceremony, if you like. Share your feelings and your

> > enthusiasm. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

> >

> > Take care,

> > Lesli (San Francisco Bay)

> >

> > mom2tazbug@... wrote:

> > >

> > > OK for all of you who have moved. We will be moving in a couple of months.

> > > Only a half mile away but we have lived in this home for 11 years. Since

> > > is only 10 and a half ... the boys have lived here their whole

lives.

> > > Any suggestions on how to make the move as easy as possible? Any

suggestions

> > > on how to lessen any anxiety that might crop up? Right now they are

excited

> > > and think it is cool. Not sure what is going to happen to my

autistic/TS/mild

> > > OCD son when we actually DO move!

> > >

> > > Peggikaye ... Oklahoma

> > >

> > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > > Avoid the lines and visit avis.com for quick and easy online

> > > reservations. Enjoy a compact car nationwide for only $29 a day!

> > > Click here for more details.

> > > 1/3011/3/_/531051/_/956145894/

> > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > >

> > > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In

the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

> >

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > 10% Off FogDog.com, Disney.com, eCost.com and many more.

> > You get paid as you shop with the Pointclick network.

> > 1/3417/3/_/531051/_/956206926/

> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> You can win $1000!

> Just one of 1000 great reasons to visit eGroups!

> Click here:

> 1/2865/3/_/531051/_/956229348/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the

body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives and

Features List for the may be accessed by going to

, enter your email address and password, then point and

click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

If this isn't too late, you can go no mail for a while, without having to

unsubscribe.

Loriann

[Guest guest]

Have a safe move and let us know when you get settled!

Gail

[Guest guest]

<< We're moving to Enid, OK (from Tacoma, WA). I'll

unsubscribe, so I don't get a backlog. >>

Best of luck with your move, Zach.

[Guest guest]

> YOU'RE MOVING??????? When Margaret? Oh, this is exciting. LOL

>

Hi, Everyone........Gail.......My DH will be there by Feb. 1. The boys and I

will stay till school is finished in May. wants to be a part of their

8th grade graduation ceremony.....it's the first time he has gone 3 yrs. in

the same school!!! They have a cap and gown ceremony here for the kids going

up into high school. It's the first place we have lived at that does this

sort of thing and we can't really deny that little 'something special'

in his life. Also........good luck with the schools. I know how hard

and upsetting it is to see the places where they don't belong. Does Seth

pull those all nighters very often?!?!? LOL I remember THOSE nights!!!

" , we're in a MUCH better place than we were two years ago, and a place

so far removed from four years ago (thank God) "

Donna..........you word things so nicely. DITTO for us and Gareth!!! And

6 yrs ago was pure HELL for us!!! I do thank God daily for making ours lives

better. The autism isn't cured, but I have a child who is now responsive and

making great strides. Take care, Everyone.

Margaret

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/17/01 2:59:26 PM Eastern Standard Time, mfroof@...

writes:

<< Hi, Everyone........Gail.......My DH will be there by Feb. 1. The boys

and I

will stay till school is finished in May. wants to be a part of their

8th grade graduation ceremony.....it's the first time he has gone 3 yrs. in

the same school!!! They have a cap and gown ceremony here for the kids

going

up into high school. It's the first place we have lived at that does this

sort of thing and we can't really deny that little 'something special'

in his life. Also........good luck with the schools. I know how hard

and upsetting it is to see the places where they don't belong. Does Seth >>

pull those all nighters very often?!?!? LOL I remember THOSE nights!!

Oh Margaret,

That's great that you will be moving back east. I bet your family is

excited! Hope has a great graduation. Our *other* kids put up with a

lot and deserve to come first and be the most important one every once in a

while! LOL Yes, every once in a while Seth pulls an all nighter. LOL I

have been known to do that myself pretty often to catch up on things I can't

get done with the kids around all day. When I do it, I plan on it and make

arrangements for sleep during the day! LOL Doesn't work out that way when

Seth decides to stay up. LOL He does it when I have a really busy day the

next day or had a busy day and am totally exhausted....wonder if he senses my

anxiety and that is why he gets hyper? Sad to say, but I do take great

comfort in knowing I don't suffer alone! LOL I know all of you are, or have

been there too. Actually, I am usually pretty grumpy if I don't get 4 or 5

hours of sleep a night, but I have been super happy lately. God, I hope I'm

not going nuts! LOL Can't wait for you to move!

Gail

[Guest guest]

Dear Marisa,

So sorry to hear about your dh's job. My dh was unemployed for the

month of Jan. It was pretty scary. I, too can't imagine moving, but

sometimes you just have to weigh all the pros & cons & make the decision you

feel is right for you & your family. Hugs & prayers to you.

C.K. - How are you feeling now? Please let us know.

[Guest guest]

> C.K. - How are you feeling now? Please let us know.

I should have answered this last night when I first read it, because I was

feeling better. I spent Sunday in that funk, and then the week got so busy

I didn't wallow in my self-pity (well, not too much), and by yesterday, I

had gotten all those feelings under control. I had reasoned that this woman

thought she was doing the best thing, even if she hadn't treated me all that

well, and since I hadn't heard anything after that, I figured it was a done

thing.

Then I came home today and found a person from Child Protective Services in

my driveway.

The talk we had actually went well, and he says he's most likely going to

close this case because there's nothing to the allegation (that Ian is

allowed to roam unsupervised and therefore is in danger), just that this

situation came up as a one-time thing. He had spent some time today at

Ian's school, talking to him and to his teacher, and then he went to my

other kids' school and asked them all sorts of questions too. Great. So

now all these people know about it, and I guess I'm a little embarrassed.

And a little ticked off at this woman, who, if she had simply talked with

us, would know what was going on. I think this might be the same woman who

called the police on us last year when Ian was walking around the

neighborhood and I followed him with my car to make sure he was safe (she

wondered if I might be trying to kidnap him). Policeman came by, chatted

with us for a moment, and left.

Anyway, I know there's nothing to the allegation, and I know we are good and

attentive parents, but this is the kind of thing that really shakes me. I

never thought we would have a file at Child Protective Services, and doesn't

this mean that if anything ever happens again, we have a record there? Does

" unfounded " mean unfounded only until the next time?

So, how am I feeling now? Sad, frustrated, angry, scared. This man was

very nice, by the way; he had a brother with Down syndrome (the brother died

a few years ago, in his 30s), so he kind of understood certain things.

Which was nice. But still, I'm feeling judged, and that's a really awful

feeling.

CK,

Mom to Ian (2/89),

(9/90),

and Rose (6/94)

[Guest guest]

ck,

hugs and prayers coming your way!!!!!1 GIANT ones that is!!! i must have

missed a post, but from what i am reading, someone reported you because ian

wondered off??????? i am not sure, just guessing????? whatever is going on i

give you strength to go on and some calming dust to soothe the

nerves.....giant hugs!!!!!leah

>From: " CK " <ckc@...>

>Reply-

>< >

>Subject: Re: Re: moving

>Date: Fri, 23 Mar 2001 18:20:58 -0500

>

> > C.K. - How are you feeling now? Please let us know.

>

>I should have answered this last night when I first read it, because I was

>feeling better. I spent Sunday in that funk, and then the week got so busy

>I didn't wallow in my self-pity (well, not too much), and by yesterday, I

>had gotten all those feelings under control. I had reasoned that this

>woman

>thought she was doing the best thing, even if she hadn't treated me all

>that

>well, and since I hadn't heard anything after that, I figured it was a done

>thing.

>

>Then I came home today and found a person from Child Protective Services in

>my driveway.

>

>The talk we had actually went well, and he says he's most likely going to

>close this case because there's nothing to the allegation (that Ian is

>allowed to roam unsupervised and therefore is in danger), just that this

>situation came up as a one-time thing. He had spent some time today at

>Ian's school, talking to him and to his teacher, and then he went to my

>other kids' school and asked them all sorts of questions too. Great. So

>now all these people know about it, and I guess I'm a little embarrassed.

>And a little ticked off at this woman, who, if she had simply talked with

>us, would know what was going on. I think this might be the same woman who

>called the police on us last year when Ian was walking around the

>neighborhood and I followed him with my car to make sure he was safe (she

>wondered if I might be trying to kidnap him). Policeman came by, chatted

>with us for a moment, and left.

>

>Anyway, I know there's nothing to the allegation, and I know we are good

>and

>attentive parents, but this is the kind of thing that really shakes me. I

>never thought we would have a file at Child Protective Services, and

>doesn't

>this mean that if anything ever happens again, we have a record there?

>Does

> " unfounded " mean unfounded only until the next time?

>

>So, how am I feeling now? Sad, frustrated, angry, scared. This man was

>very nice, by the way; he had a brother with Down syndrome (the brother

>died

>a few years ago, in his 30s), so he kind of understood certain things.

>Which was nice. But still, I'm feeling judged, and that's a really awful

>feeling.

>

>CK,

>Mom to Ian (2/89),

> (9/90),

> and Rose (6/94)

>

_________________________________________________________________

Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/23/01 6:30:00 PM Eastern Standard Time,

ckc@... writes:

<< So, how am I feeling now? Sad, frustrated, angry, scared. This man was

very nice, by the way; he had a brother with Down syndrome (the brother died

a few years ago, in his 30s), so he kind of understood certain things.

Which was nice. But still, I'm feeling judged, and that's a really awful

feeling.

CK,

Mom to Ian (2/89),

(9/90),

and Rose (6/94)

>>

Don't you feel bad CK!!!!!!!!!!! You know you do everything and more to keep

both of your kids safe, healthy and happy. If you are guilty of anything

bad like that, then we all are! It's a given fact with kids like ours that

this is going to happen. More than once I'm sure. LOL You know God must

be close to these kids because most of the time things turn out okay with

them, I mean not getting hurt. Have to be thankful to that woman for bring

him home safe. Would be very easy to say some pretty mean things about her,

but Ian is okay thanks to her. Something worse might have happened if she

didn't find him. Be kind to yourself and tell yourself the same thing you

will tell me or anyone else to posts that their kid took off....be thankful

they are okay and Gail (or whoever) you're doing the best you can, and more

than most parents will ever do.

Gail

[Guest guest]

Hope I didn't miss ya Melinda !!! You take Care of You !!! Hope you get

to get on once in a while !!! Don't forget most library's have computer

access also for free !!! Have as nice of a Holiday as you can, if I don't

hear from you before then...Will keep you in my Prayers that this doesn't

have to last too long for you and Hubby !!!

{{{ Much Love and Moving Hugs }}}

«:¨`v´¨)::»

*..·°-:¦:*`v´*Helen

Hi ya'll!Ok after tommorow ( friday) i wont really have internet.... Ive set

all my email to go to my address..... SO if you try to contact me I

wont answer untill after Sunday. ( if i can then.....)My email address is <A

HREF= " /post?protectID=0290280801801580721\

12158072024176090136158196219183121152006048067 " >

mydragonmoon@y...</A>Feel free to email me if you like to or if you need me:)Im

going to try and continue getting emails but if i find it to be too hard on

my In-laws 26k connection ill just switch to digest and try to read them as

soon as i can... Take care everybody!Melinda

" Always remember that you are not the only one who has ever felt rejected,

unloved and lonely at sometime. Reach out and help someone else in trouble,

and you could be amazed at the changes in yourself and your life. " - Anonymous

[Guest guest]

Hi...My name is robin and I am getting great services in NY...We are

probably getting ready to relocate to Illinois, around the Chicago

area......Anyone from this area? What can I expect from the school

districts and what services are available?

Thanks

Robin

[Guest guest]

We made the move last Saturday! Fortunately, we stayed within the same

school district, so there was no change there for my three boys except we

become busing students instead of walkers. We knew we were buying the house

as it was being built, so going over to watch progress a couple to three

times a week helped my children, more specifically , get adjusted to the

idea of moving. My other two boys were anxious to move because we moved into

an area where many of their friends are within walking or biking distance.

Infact, my best friend moved into the house right next to us back in the fall

and she has two boys same ages as ours. We are not in a development, per

say, but a very spacious residential community along the river where most

homes are on an acre of land.

The move is a bit confusing to . He thinks we're on vacation and refers

to the house as a " beach house " , which is ironic because the name of our new

street is Beech Street! He keeps asking when are we going back to " 4403 "

which is our old address. Poor guy. He says at least once a day, " I have

fun at new house " as if he is trying to convince himself more than me! I

took him back to 4403 on Sunday to show him the empty house......just him and

I. I thought it was important for him to see that we won't be coming back to

" live " there because there is no furniture there anymore (we still haven't

sold the house, ugh!). He walked around the house for quite awhile examining

each empty room, which brought tears to my eyes. It's all he's ever known,

and we did love our home, just ran out of living space. I think has

adjusted pretty well and just today he boarded the regular ed bus with his

brother and all the other middle school and HIGH school kids and he had a

huge smile on his face.

As with everything, it will take time for to completely understand this

concept of moving, but he has always been an adaptable kid. I'm just being

extra attentive to his questions lately and finding time each day, usually

when I tuck him in at night, to talk about it with him. I often think he

must think WE are the crazy ones........I'm sure he felt our other home was

perfectly fine. LOL. Maybe we are really the crazy ones (as I sit here

surrounded by a hundred boxes of STUFF I don't know what to do with!!!!!)

Jackie, Mom to 15ds, 12, and Bradley 9

[Guest guest]

Inger,

I hope your move goes okay. It's really hard to do! If things get "weird" again, it is good to know that will be holding down the proverbial fort! Wait a minute, is that a saying used in Sweden? ( - ;

Inger Lorelei <inglori@...> wrote:

Hi everyone,

Hope you're all still OK after the horrid events yesterday. (If not, please feel free to mail me, and let me know how you are.)

Just wanted to announce that I will be starting to move tomorrow so I won't be online much over the week or two. I sure hope everyone will still be here when I get back!

I love you all so much.

Inger FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder marked "Other FAM Sites."

"Genius is childhood recaptured" - Beaudelaire

Discover Stay in touch with email, IM, photo sharing more. Check it out!

[Guest guest]

Actually, in Sweden they say, " Holding down the fjord. "

Ken

> Hi everyone,

>

> Hope you're all still OK after the horrid events yesterday. (If not,

please feel free to mail me, and let me know how you are.)

>

> Just wanted to announce that I will be starting to move tomorrow so

I won't be online much over the week or two. I sure hope everyone will

still be here when I get back!

>

> I love you all so much.

>

> Inger

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page

in the folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Ken,

You are killin' me!

rubenken2000 <rubenken@...> wrote:

Actually, in Sweden they say, "Holding down the fjord."Ken> Hi everyone, > > Hope you're all still OK after the horrid events yesterday. (If not,please feel free to mail me, and let me know how you are.)> > Just wanted to announce that I will be starting to move tomorrow soI won't be online much over the week or two. I sure hope everyone willstill be here when I get back! > > I love you all so much.>

> Inger > > > FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. > > Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links pagein the folder marked "Other FAM Sites." > > > > --------------------------------->

[Guest guest]

Ken wrote: " Actually, in Sweden they say, " Holding down the fjord. "

What does that mean, Ken?

/Helen, a Swede