Wisdom while being a family of convictions

July 2, 2009

I am 51 and most of you moms here are much younger? We have been a

homeschooling family through 20 years. (substitute nonvax here for yourselves.)

The wisdom I gained over 20 years is hopefully valuable to others as they walk a

" nonsystem " lifestyle in " any " way--whether nonvax, homeschooling or anything

else. First and foremost is always protecting your own family in the chosen

conviction--not educating others. 20 yrs ago I would take anyone on who asked

the " Why do you homeschool? " question. Or the, " Aren't you worried about

socialization? " question. (substitute the why don't you vaccinate question).

When you choose a nonsystem lifestyle, everyone thinks she can ask you personal

information, get pushy with you and " watch " you and your family for neglect.

While their kids get poor grades in public school, it is ok. Let your kids have

some bad grades( or no vax) or learning challenges (or a childhood illness with

no vax)---and it is neglect to them. We all feel we can defend the assaulting

questions and " teach " them something in the process. I will say overall--not

true. All my " soapbox " presentations only brought one family to homeschooling

(substitute nonvax) over 20 yrs of it! Most of the work it did, was to allow

intrusive questions that opened my family up to scrutiny and too many people who

thought they had some kind of duty to watch us for " neglect. " It always makes

for entertaining conversation to others but not to the end we are hoping for.

What would have been more protective of our family privacy and time--is when

approached, that I had had one list of prepared websites and book titles for

them to study on the issue(nonvaxing)--and handed them this list to go research

themselves. I would have 10 copies of that at all times in my car,if I could do

it over again! If a person is truly serious, that will be more help than

anything else. I said way too much over the years and felt way too scrutinized.

We can educate to the cause better by referring them to the plethora of

information on the web--and NOT by opening up personal information about how

many pediatric visits we are proud to " not " have had because we are novax, or

how many wonderful free hours a day my child has to play because he is

homeschooled. We can be more open in venues where we are with likeminded

people---not " curious " people. " Curious " people get " the list " ---and we should

change the topic. Lastly, please anticipate things that would bring out a sense

of " neglect " against you in a " system " person and keep your act clean. This is

not living in fear at all, just be wise. This recent issue of rotted baby teeth

is a good example. I think the problem here could be not that it happened, but

that it was unexamined way too long. ***The majority of people today are not

going to look down at rotted baby teeth and be anything but horrified--this is

just the way it is.*** It does not matter that it is NOT bottle rot etc--it is

something that evokes a " duty " out of people to have your kids checked! This is

what we need to realize--and be wiser. Don't avoid the ped offices, but find one

that you can see and be novax. See the dentist at 3yrs old onward, don't get

services you don't want, but go. Keep an above average order in your home. NEVER

spank in public. Don't have yelling coming from your home. Debate with few over

nonvax and be thankful that you can. You get the idea. These choices we make

come with a price but most of us are happy to pay it for what we believe in.

Sorry long winded but may something here bless many as they go their way.

a

July 2, 2009

Thank you a. That was very well said and greatly appreciated! -Arlynn

July 2, 2009

a, thanks so much for your insight. I agree with some of what you have

written.

We must have led a charmed life as we haven't felt the need to do these things

you suggest. Friends and much older neighbours helped us in our hm/sch, no vax

way, even when in a military community. People saw the difference between our

children and many of the children who were daily separated from their parents

and shepherded into the state system. Neighbours would bring materials they

thought might be useful. Others would want to take us on " field trips " to

various places.

I am not a certificated (certified??? certifiable???? Lol!) teacher, yet an

education dept psychologist at a teachers training college helped us with access

to expensive books and research that I'd never have seen otherwise.

My mother used to babysit while DH and I did every night class going on

" disability " . That's not to say we agreed with everything we were taught. When

the class of harassed parents was relaxing, eyes closed, exhorted to empty their

minds and intone om, I used to pray that my mind would be filled with what God

required of me. My Mum said that was typical - I always failed to take direction

from teachers!

A home-schooling dr was the one who saw us most at a small ER clinic as DS was

very accident prone for a while. The dr never mentioned vaccines and I have no

idea if his children were vaxed. He wasn't fearful, told of an incident where a

school inspector turned up while the family were all swinging from ropes into

their indoor pool - all of them naked. He had a hilarious knack for

story-telling.

Strangely, we never had a visit from a school inspector. I certainly never drew

their attention to this omission. Lol!

We had one visit from a hospital welfare worker who was trying to cajole my 14

yr old DS to return for hospital treatment - something for which they had made

numerous diagnoses. That was terrifying, we planned to " go on the lam " if

necessary. It turned out OK though.

The fear I felt when I was young, was of the unknown, fear that my ignorance

might lead me to make another tragic, costly mistake. I assumed that if a

vaccine caused near-death in a child, no one would vaccinate the child again.

When I got into the literature, I realised there was opposition to being vax

free.

Now WE are the older neighbours and 4 young families in our street don't vax

because we told them the truth. One has found out that a hm/sch relative doesn't

allow vax either and she felt quite upset that this lady didn't tell her about

the dangers, or even plant any seeds. Her relative stopped hiding her light

under a bushel, and is reaching more parents. Another has discovered that her

father works with DH and between them they educate colleagues. As a result, free

flu vaccines are no longer offered in their workplace.. Demand dropped off! ;-)

Even better, DGS's peers aren't being vaxed. 2 families chose to, but stopped

due to reactions. The others didn't start. Everywhere I have worked, either paid

or as a volunteer, I have been able to share books and information.. When I

shared at church, heaps of non-vaxers crawled out of the woodwork. It was like a

family reunion!

In a couple of cases it paid to befriend the ignorant to help them through their

fear of us.

Intrusive questions can sometimes be deflected with a gently intrusive, even

rhetorical, question in return.

Had to laugh at the " socialisation " comment - absolutely crazy isn't it? We got

the same, as though getting along with a peer group is the best useful thing

that can be expected from a govt-run or govt-approved privately-run education

system. There isn't much of value that children learn from their peers, as they

all have so little experience of life, and no wisdom yet. While in a special

class, DS1 began spitting and nose-picking. Lol!

Our aim was for the children to be able to interact/engage/socialise (insert

latest buzzword for getting along with other humans) with different ages,

nationalities, etc. We invited many people for meals, and as the children got

older, so did they. Socialistion is a parental responsibility and I think it

mostly happens before " school age " .

When we talked with others, our children absorbed far more than we realised,

even discussions when door-to-door religious people called.

We volunteered in our community and weren't the only home-schoolers doing so.

In this way I hope that we follow Romans 12:2 - not confomed by the world, nor

by fear of it. Sorry, this is probably way too much to get my point across.

Love,

Mara

From: mypugpups <rphowell@...>

Subject: Wisdom while being a family of convictions

Vaccinations

Date: Thursday, July 2, 2009, 7:14 AM