[Mindful i Mouse] Down and Down I Go

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I have been slammed in a weight loss forum I frequent about my low calories. I keep getting comments that I am putting myself into starvation mode. Here is what I found from an article about there not being any such thing as starvation mode and for a person of my size an weight (I am still morbid obese for heavens sake). I keep getting comments that I am not eat enough of this and that. I invite everyone to go and live on the road in an 18 wheeler for 6-7 weeks at a time and figure out what foods will last, what foods will work with very little storage capability. Go ahead....I dare you. I am frustrated, I am tired and I am doing the damn best I can with what I have and don't have. Losing weight sitting still is about the most difficult thing a person can do! I dare anyone trying to lose weight stay on their diet as long as I have! The very people who tell me I am doing it all wrong are the very people who can't stay on their diets for more than a week! Sorry to vent, but this is my blog and my sanctuary to work this stuff all out. Lean individuals lost great amounts of fat-free, lean tissue during starvation, but obese individuals lost much more fat tissue. Obese individuals have a mechanism that conserves lean mass and burns fat instead. In the study, an example of a lean subject studied after death from starvation: it can be deduced that loss of body fat accounted for 28-36% of the weight loss and fat-free mass 64-72%. In obese individuals, the proportion of energy derived from protein (Pcal%) is only 6% compared to 21% in the lean individual. More than half the weight loss in the obese is fat, whereas most of the weight loss in the lean individual is fat-free mass. And the loss of lean mass is not as critical to the obese person as to the lean person simply because an obese person has more lean mass than a person of the same age and height but normal weight. Grossly obese individuals (FORBES, 1987; JAMES et al., 1978) may have over 30% more fat-free mass than lean individuals of the same height. In the example shown in Figure 3, the obese individual weighting 140 kg has a fat-free mass that is 29% greater than the 70 kg man. Obese individuals appear to have more muscle and bone than lean individuals, and these help support and move the excess body weight. Obese subjects have large vascular volumes and larger hearts, which are necessary to pump more blood around larger bodies, especially during weight-bearing activities. Obese individuals may also have visceromegaly (NAEYE and ROODE, 1970). That was taken from here: http://caloriecount.about.com/truth-starvation-mode-ft28742 I did some homework yesterday about my low calories. I have read the Minnesota Starvation Experiment and several articles about very low calories and the effects on the human body. It's all quite interesting. Today, people are eating 300 more calories a day than they did 50 years ago. They are less active and rely on processed foods and restaurants. It has been proven to be beneficial to health to a LOT less. I also read about breaking stalls, fat fasts, intermittent fasting, alternate day fasting, MCT and even hcg. I've wanted to try other some of the other methods, but in the end, other than making adjustments to what I eat, my aim will always be to keep my calories within the range it takes to lose or maintain my weight. If I sit all day, I cannot eat much. It's only logical. I took pictures yesterday of everything I ate. It's my " trucking " foods. Sometimes I have zucchini, grape tomatoes. Alternate breakfasts are flaxseed meal and rarely, a couple of eggs. The cup and plate I use are a small child size, the fork is a dessert size, the spoon is a teaspoon and the knife is picnic size. Just for a reference point. I take a multivitamin, a Vit C and a probiotic. I sip water during the day in very small amounts. I drink 1-2 cans of soda pop a day. slice of provolone cheese, 2oz liverwurst, coffee with creamer 80g of salami, apple core, bell pepper, 1T mayonnaise 2T natural peanut butter chicken, sundried tomato and provolone sausages This totaled: Yesterday, was pretty much ok, I alternated with being upset about the gain and being determined not to let it get to me. This is now the slide to home base and I always get full of longing and desires when I know I am soon home. And this time, it will be for a whole year! It boggles my mind. That adds to the stress too. I searched and searched yesterday for a hint as to why I gained. I can't blame sodium, I am eating the same things every day and I show no hint of puffiness. Something has got to give. I am stressing about it because I am afraid to lose ground with the loss so far by going home and if my frustration level is too high, I could take a fall......or worse, a plunge into bingeing. More than ever before, I need to make this home time work. I can't keep treading water. I just can't! Yesterday my mind flitted back and forth about booze. Many times I made the decision to go ahead and get some gin and vermouth to make martini's. I pictured my self sitting in a hot bubble bath, sipping an ice cold martini and listening to Sinatra. I NEED that relaxation. Then I would shift into thinking how it would soon add up in calories, two martini's can end up at 330 calories. Do I really want to lose that many calories to non-food? Then I would soon feel resentful that I just can't seem to have ANY treats at all? After dinner last night, husband went and got a hot sandwich and who knows what else. I was laying in my bunk watching a film. Ridiculous tears streamed down my face, I just can't stand it that he can eat when he wants to and I deny myself. Earlier he had said that he couldn't wait to get home and have a nice dinner and how he will struggle with whether or not to have second helpings. I felt mad at that comment, yet I struggle too. I feel so lost, like I just don't know where I am with all this. The thing about discipline is that it is very hard to know when to be flexible and when to be strict. As in all things in life I guess. I feel as though I need a plan of action, so I worked out a basic menu to change up the foods I will eat but what treats to have (if any) are very hard to decide. I remind myself that I know very well where all the foods an drinks that I love, lead me to. The question is, do I want to revisit it? Too much booze will lead to poor choices in food, too much resentment leads to binges, hangovers ruin entire days. Without the reward and positive re-enforcement of weight loss, it feels doubly resentful that I can't have any treats at all. Deep breath. Today, I feel lost and sad. BG was 88, my one little ray of sunshine. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 3/06/2011 06:22:00 AM