[Mindful i Mouse] Wine-ing

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BG was 136 this morning, my weight was 239. I am trying to remain upbeat and keep some sort of routine going. I had 3 glasses of wine last night which led to eating, I entered the excess that I ate and with the wine it came to about 1300 calories and 46 carbs. That is in addition to my planned bowls of food. That is the reality of drinking wine and eating with no purpose, no hunger. It is how weight is gained over time. Before I entered the food I tried to shrug it off and think, " oh that was hardly worth mentioning " . But it is why I weighed 10 pounds heavier than I did just two weeks ago. I got up this morning and thought about how important it is to keep a routine, so I made breakfast with my coffee. I planned out my day and have plenty to do. I will write in my journal after dinner with some steps to take to avoid drinking any wine. It almost makes me laugh that it isn't about food anymore. I really don't want to eat (certainly not like in the past when night eating was my bane). No, it is now about drinking, and the food is a way to offset the effects, because I hate feeling tipsy. I will continue to work through it. This morning, I was not happy with my beige bowl at all. The sounds of the spoon against the rough surface set me off. It is absolutely the way of the bowl, that the relationship has to be there, has to develop and it is all so silly and interesting at the same time. Since I had breakfast together with my coffee, I could not drink from the bowl, so I drank from a small Japanese porcelain cup. The contrast between the cup and the bowl was too great. Smooth and rough. I paid more attention to the containers than I did the food. The last of the bowls I have other than our china pattern, is a turtle set. It is in the dishwasher right now, so the photo will have to wait. It is a very small bowl, plate and matching cup. I have not used it before, because of how small it is. I will try that this afternoon and continue to work this problem of settling on a bowl until it truly clicks. I do find it interesting that I do this very same thing in my hobby and in my life. I want so much to have a liking for one thing at a time, but have such a hard time choosing what that is. It's the treasure hunt that thrills me. The yearning is far more interesting that the getting. I sat with my choices this morning. I once again reviewed the blue bowl, the white bowl, the beige bowl and now the turtle set. I find I am amused by the delay in this, the pushing it further away rather than embracing it. Is it like starting a diet? Pushing away until all the right things are in place? Giving room for all those little extras? Hmm, I think I am seeing a pattern. I found this turtle set last year. I bought it in Hawaii, when I saw the turtles, as I had just gotten a sea turtle tattoo on my arm. While these were land turtles, I thought it was a nice connection. As I handled this set today, it struck me that the reason I did not follow through with using this set, is that it is very small. The plate (not including the rim) is only 6 inches in diameter. The bowl is 4 inches and hold exactly 1 cup of water right up to the rim. I have little moments of panic (?) in thinking it is simply too small. I pick up the One Bowl book and read: You may also notice that by eating from the bowl, one food at a time, your eating rhythm is different from that of your family or friends who eat from their plates at the same table. You are eating more slowly than they are. Refilling the bowl between courses is more leisurely. Let yourself become comfortable eating this way - from your bowl, in courses. While you find yourself taking more times to eat you will also be pleasantly surprised to discover how satisfying the One Bowl method can be. After a meal, each food will linger more distinctly in your memory and eating will have been a series of gifts, linked together by your bowl. Don Gerrard, page 62 I look on the cover of the book, and the hand that is holding a bowl is showing how ever so small that bowl is. It dawned on me how many times I migrated from a smaller bowl to a larger bowl, ending up with ramen size soup bowls. I have all the bowls I put on eBay on the desk, so I walked over and compared this turtle bowl to the others. Wow, what a difference. I apparently needed the security of a larger bowl. I wanted to stay within my 3 meal a day safety net, so I needed a bowl that would have enough food in it to last that long. I just haven't had the chance to explore eating smaller and refilling the bowl. I guess it is so ingrained in me not to take seconds, as that represents losing control. Interesting. Perhaps I need to push myself into exploring these thoughts and fears. Today, I will try the turtle bowl. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 3/25/2011 11:14:00 AM