[Mindful i Mouse] Slam Dunk

[Guest guest]

Yesterday was one hell of a day. I was all in this mode of " the last time " I would sleep in the truck, I would be at a truck stop, the breakfast on board....trying to be in the moment and experiencing the sensations. We were to deliver at 6 am and if lucky were on our side, we'd be home in the afternoon. I turned on the computer after breakfast to find that there had been the huge earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami was heading to Hawaii! As I was reading about it, it was suppose to hit Hawaii at that moment which was 3:22am in Hawaii. I tried calling my daughter, but there was no answer and so I watched the web cams in Honolulu to see what may happen. I had no idea if they were evacuated or if they were not affected at all. That made for a tense morning. In the meantime, we had arrived at the receiver and they tell us that our appointment time wasn't until 1 pm! There was a foul-up at the dispatcher's, so my husband argued and insisted that they take us at the time we had on our paperwork. By this time, I had mentally accepted that we would not be home until evening, but after awhile, they let us in and promptly unloaded us in an hour and a half. So far, the Tsunami wasn't as bad as predicted in Hawaii, so I relaxed about that. We got to our town by 10am, we unpacked the truck of all my things, the foods husband would never eat, and loaded up our car and headed to the apartment after securing the truck where we store it. Then we ran a couple of errands, then headed to the buffet. While I had not planned it prior to walking into the buffet, I made a decision that shocked even my husband. I ate the usual meat and salad selections, splurged on 5 breaded clam strips and a piece of tempura fish and then thought about something that has been gnawing at me for a couple of weeks. Whether or not to binge once my husband was back on the truck and I was alone. I had had thoughts of " just one meal " just one day " and such. But here I was in a restaurant, all the foods I could possibly want...what if I binged right in FRONT of my husband and got it all out of my system now? I had already had my usual low carb foods, I was careful in my selections and amounts and other than the carb splurge on the clams and fish, they were actually quite small pieces, I thought the only thing I would want is dessert. With all the fabulous desserts they had, I would not only save money on a future sugar binge, but be able to have all the different flavours that I could want! I took a pause, sipped my water and then told my husband that I was going to go for A LOT of dessert! He knows I am not much on sweets and knows I can't handle the carbs and said he couldn't believe I would do it. I came back with a coconut macaroon, a slice of a peanut butter cookie that was frosted with chocolate icing and a tablespoon of banana pudding. Oh, my it was heavenly! The cookie thing was to die for. I went back for another macaroon, a piece of german chocolate bar and another dab of pudding, but I could not eat more than the macaroon...I was starting to feel rather in pain from the sheer amount of food. I have now eaten 2 plates of meat and salad, one plate of desserts (with the extra macaroon). Normally I eat a cup of food at a meal. This was stretching my stomach to the limit. My husband kept remarking how he would have never believed it had he not seen it. He has consumed 4 plates of food himself and is beginning to feel it. His dessert was just ice cream. The screenshot was too large to copy (so many small selections) but here is my total binge for yesterday: We waddled out the of the restaurant and went home for a nap. I ended up with a horrible stomach ache, and my BG showed it. My big meal was at noon, I tested 188 2 hours after the meal, and could not get below 100 by 9pm, even though I had no supper. This morning, I was still at 100, after having fasted 19 hours. So did I get it all out of my system? I think so! I talked about it with my husband, explaining to him what I had done was to give myself permission to splurge while he was home, to get rid of the " binge mentality " that was brewing and that I would rather spend it all on one meal than to dole out little treats throughout the 5 weeks I am at home. He said he could understand that, and while he felt he wanted his daily treats, he could see how it would work for me. I said, yes and no, because I will now have to deal with the after effects. I will have to feel the bloatedness, get through the high BG's, and already this morning, I have a headache, my arthritis in my hips is flaring up and I feel basically yucky. Yet, deep down, I think I have made a mentally (not physically) wise choice for my situation. I think I have gotten the binge thoughts cleared. We haven't gone grocery shopping yet, but I had defrosted some bacon for breakfast this morning, so I had 4 slices and a 2 cups of coffee. We are to go out to dinner with my parents tonight at the Texas Roadhouse, but I have all the calorie counts for the meal I always choose. I also spent a great deal of time entering into my software all of the foods I eat at the buffet using their own nutritional information. Funny, this " binge " wasn't really a binge in the true sense, I have eaten triple or more of the foods I ate yesterday in one sitting in the past. But many things have changed. My body has changed. My sense of control has changed. I had no trouble at all not eating dinner after that huge lunch. My husband needed dinner and his candies in the evening. I am smiling this morning, even with the pain and the headache. I think I am going to do VERY well with my foods while home. Yep. An I spoke to my daughter on the phone last night…they were all safe and sound, they were not required to evacuate. Sigh of relief. heartfelt sympathy for Japan. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 3/12/2011 07:16:00 AM

[Guest guest]

Good for you getting it out of your system, !

My cousin and his wife live in Hawaii also and I was concerned until hearing from him in the evening that they were safe and dry, didn't have to evacuate at their area.

Two (maybe four) "towns" by hunny had evacuations in California (Cayucos and I cannot remember the other one.... maybe Avila Beach) but I think they ended up being ok.

Scary stuff. Definitly feeling sorry for Japan and wishing everyone the best as they dig out from under this.

[Mindful i Mouse] Slam Dunk

Yesterday was one hell of a day.

I was all in this mode of "the last time" I would sleep in the truck, I would be at a truck stop, the breakfast on board....trying to be in the moment and experiencing the sensations. We were to deliver at 6 am and if lucky were on our side, we'd be home in the afternoon. I turned on the computer after breakfast to find that there had been the huge earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami was heading to Hawaii! As I was reading about it, it was suppose to hit Hawaii at that moment which was 3:22am in Hawaii. I tried calling my daughter, but there was no answer and so I watched the web cams in Honolulu to see what may happen. I had no idea if they were evacuated or if they were not affected at all. That made for a tense morning.

In the meantime, we had arrived at the receiver and they tell us that our appointment time wasn't until 1 pm! There was a foul-up at the dispatcher's, so my husband argued and insisted that they take us at the time we had on our paperwork. By this time, I had mentally accepted that we would not be home until evening, but after awhile, they let us in and promptly unloaded us in an hour and a half. So far, the Tsunami wasn't as bad as predicted in Hawaii, so I relaxed about that.

We got to our town by 10am, we unpacked the truck of all my things, the foods husband would never eat, and loaded up our car and headed to the apartment after securing the truck where we store it. Then we ran a couple of errands, then headed to the buffet.

While I had not planned it prior to walking into the buffet, I made a decision that shocked even my husband. I ate the usual meat and salad selections, splurged on 5 breaded clam strips and a piece of tempura fish and then thought about something that has been gnawing at me for a couple of weeks. Whether or not to binge once my husband was back on the truck and I was alone. I had had thoughts of "just one meal" just one day" and such. But here I was in a restaurant, all the foods I could possibly want...what if I binged right in FRONT of my husband and got it all out of my system now? I had already had my usual low carb foods, I was careful in my selections and amounts and other than the carb splurge on the clams and fish, they were actually quite small pieces, I thought the only thing I would want is dessert. With all the fabulous desserts they had, I would not only save money on a future sugar binge, but be able to have all the different flavours that I could want! I took a pause, sipped my water and then told my husband that I was going to go for A LOT of dessert! He knows I am not much on sweets and knows I can't handle the carbs and said he couldn't believe I would do it. I came back with a coconut macaroon, a slice of a peanut butter cookie that was frosted with chocolate icing and a tablespoon of banana pudding. Oh, my it was heavenly! The cookie thing was to die for. I went back for another macaroon, a piece of german chocolate bar and another dab of pudding, but I could not eat more than the macaroon...I was starting to feel rather in pain from the sheer amount of food. I have now eaten 2 plates of meat and salad, one plate of desserts (with the extra macaroon). Normally I eat a cup of food at a meal. This was stretching my stomach to the limit. My husband kept remarking how he would have never believed it had he not seen it. He has consumed 4 plates of food himself and is beginning to feel it. His dessert was just ice cream.

The screenshot was too large to copy (so many small selections) but here is my total binge for yesterday:

We waddled out the of the restaurant and went home for a nap. I ended up with a horrible stomach ache, and my BG showed it. My big meal was at noon, I tested 188 2 hours after the meal, and could not get below 100 by 9pm, even though I had no supper. This morning, I was still at 100, after having fasted 19 hours.

So did I get it all out of my system? I think so! I talked about it with my husband, explaining to him what I had done was to give myself permission to splurge while he was home, to get rid of the "binge mentality" that was brewing and that I would rather spend it all on one meal than to dole out little treats throughout the 5 weeks I am at home. He said he could understand that, and while he felt he wanted his daily treats, he could see how it would work for me. I said, yes and no, because I will now have to deal with the after effects. I will have to feel the bloatedness, get through the high BG's, and already this morning, I have a headache, my arthritis in my hips is flaring up and I feel basically yucky. Yet, deep down, I think I have made a mentally (not physically) wise choice for my situation. I think I have gotten the binge thoughts cleared.

We haven't gone grocery shopping yet, but I had defrosted some bacon for breakfast this morning, so I had 4 slices and a 2 cups of coffee. We are to go out to dinner with my parents tonight at the Texas Roadhouse, but I have all the calorie counts for the meal I always choose. I also spent a great deal of time entering into my software all of the foods I eat at the buffet using their own nutritional information. Funny, this "binge" wasn't really a binge in the true sense, I have eaten triple or more of the foods I ate yesterday in one sitting in the past. But many things have changed. My body has changed. My sense of control has changed. I had no trouble at all not eating dinner after that huge lunch. My husband needed dinner and his candies in the evening. I am smiling this morning, even with the pain and the headache. I think I am going to do VERY well with my foods while home. Yep.

An I spoke to my daughter on the phone last night…they were all safe and sound, they were not required to evacuate. Sigh of relief. heartfelt sympathy for Japan.

--

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 3/12/2011 07:16:00 AM