[Mindful i Mouse] My Bowl and Spoon Choice

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I slept poorly again last night. I woke up several times, in hot sweats and opened the window and turned on the fan. Still, I was miserably hot. Breakfast: I tried to decide on a bowl before eating, but I was not feeling my best upon awakening. I made coffee, saw that I was out of eggs, so I put some flaxseed meal in my wooden bowl with coconut oil and a dash of cream, added the boiling water that I would use for making my coffee and went and sat down at the table. I did not like my breakfast. I am not liking coconut oil very much. Or maybe I am just use to the flaxseed with peanut butter. It was a yucky breakfast. Not pleased. Then husband calls, he's had a rough morning and it is snowing in the northeast. I feel for him. He still thinks it will be great to see me again before I leave, I say yes, of course, but inside I am unhappy about it. If it could be different, like meeting somewhere and going out to eat and staying at a hotel, I would be ecstatic, but I dread the work involved, especially since I will be heading right into my " work " with my grandchildren. I suppose that is what is bothering me so much about it, that this was supposed to be my " time " to do as I please and not have to take care of anybody. Husbands are just as much work as children are! How nice for him to not have to do his own laundry (4 weeks worth) or go grocery shopping for his home time AND next 5 weeks worth for the truck, to cook his own meals 3 times a day, or even clean up the damn kitchen 3 times a day! I had planned on decorating the apartment before I leave because it will be his birthday at the end of April, but now, I will give him his birthday before I leave too. My mind is just reeling from all this. How ungrateful I am. How selfish. I reel in my own conflicted emotions about it all. On top of it, I feel as though I am suspended from enjoying my home-time until I get my eating back on track. To relax my mind, I push these thoughts aside and concentrate on One Bowl. This morning I read about the importance of the bowl selection. Even though you may be excited to get started using this method, it is important not to hurry the bowl-choosing process. Remember, you are seeking the right bowl, that one perfect bowl from which you will eat each day. You are seeking the bowl that calls to you, the bowl that sings to you, the bowl that is you. This is a sacred container. It will be your primary tool for transforming your food life. Don Gerrard, page 40 I went through the bowls I had once again, and decided that none of them were right. I took pictures of each one and will be selling them on eBay. While my tendency has been to always seek beautiful handmade and hand glazed bowls, I realized that I don't like how the food competes with the beauty or colours of the bowl. Food gets swallowed up in the bowl, has no visual appeal for me. I think this is why I have found more delight in the smooth glaze of white porcelain. I have one other white very heavy bowl by IDG, but it is too large, I think it holds two or more cups. I kept playing with the wooden bowl (which I now notice has absorbed the odor of coconut oil) and the new small white bowl with handles. I am pulling away from the wooden, the highly colored bowls and feeling more inclined to use the white handled bowl. I will try it out for lunch and see how I feel about it. Eating is a process of possession, of receiving something from the outside world and incorporating it into yourself. Placing food into your bowl announces to the world the it is now in your possession, to be received into your body for the purpose of nourishing you, pleasuring you, and providing you with the energy to do whatever it is you do in the world. Don Gerrard, page 41 The book goes on to talk about how every culture has eating rituals to signify this event. In modern life, he talks about how the ritual has evolved into " entertainment " as the ritual encouraged by commercial emphasis. This has taken us further away from our primal sources, from the plants and animals that have nourished us and our connection to the foods we eat. We no longer handle the foods from their sources, they are prepared by companies and there is no work involved, no thanks-giving for having the ability to eat for another day, nothing that ties us to the food. For thousands of years, food had a sacredness, honor and thanks and rituals were performed to complete the cycle of hunting, eating and the connection to the food. Today, we often eat with no connection to the food at all. Journal exercise: write about how we hunt and gather our foods and the feelings that go along with it. I thought about this for awhile and realized that I actually was hunting last night, but not for food. I was seeking entertainment. I do that as part of my binge cycles. I seek to be entertained, to be suspended from the problems I face and do not think of the binge foods as nourishing my body. Yesterday, I ate 3 meals from a bowl, but when I moved into binge mode, I ate the licorice candy directly from the bag. I wonder if it would have been different if I had put the licorice in the bowl and gave it the same considerations I would a meal? In fact, I find it interesting that I separated the candy from the bowl, as though it were not a part of eating. But it was. I consumed the licorice. I took possession of it, I ate it. But it did not nourish, because I gave it a different status. From now on, any food I eat, will go into the bowl. It will be given the status of nourishing me. I need to be more connected to my food. Not just by smelling and tasting, but in the hunt, the selection of it. Something I have never tried before, is giving food a sacred status, of honoring it. I see now why the bowl selection is so important. It is a way of honoring my foods. I continue to read about the bowl selection and more about handling the bowl, getting a feel for it as a vessel for nourishment, both physically and spiritually. I remember how delightful drinking from my white china cup was yesterday, and I seek that pleasure again. Before lunch, I spent time getting to know the white handled bowl. Journal exercise: write about my bowl. My bowl is white with a smooth but not perfect glaze. I can feel places where the glaze is thicker, as though hand glazed. I run my fingers over all parts of the bowl to find the glaze differences. I find a small pin dot of missed glazing. I am amused by these tiny imperfections and realize that this bowl is unique and there is not one exactly like it, even thought there were two others at the store. The glazing makes it different. As I play with it, I had a thought, that because of the handles, it could also be a drinking bowl. I filled it with my herbal tea and tried it. There is a lip and indentation around the edge of the bowl, and makes a perfect drinking side! I am excited about this. What if this vessel gave me all the nourishment I needed? I thought about how I like the pan drippings from meat, broth, liquids that made me change from using a fork to a spoon? Well, I could sip the liquids left over from a meal. I tried that with the wooden bowl last night, it was awkward and I didn't like the wood against my lips. I suddenly liked my little white bowl. As simple as it was, it was uniquely designed for my needs. It is small though, and my mind does gauge how much food I can get into it, long before I am ready to eat and know how much I need. I shake my head and realize that I have a long way to go to get back to my small eating. How incredibly fast I can revert to eating large. It sits nicely in the hand. Has a nice weight to it, without feeling too heavy. The glaze is uneven, but I don't think it can be seen. While it is not a round bottom bowl, the side do curve up making it comfortable enough to hold. Funny to spend this kind of time with an object. I pride myself in being a visual person, but I have noticed more about this bowl than I would have ever noticed before playing with it. I tested it in my purse, fits perfectly fine. Then, I got an idea. If I was to put this much effort into the bowl I will eat from, why not the utensil? I went through my silverware box and took out a few pieces from Denmark, that I inherited from my great grandmother. The fork was my childhood fork and also used by my daughter. It has Duck on it. The two in the middle are jam spoons. I believe the round bowl one is a custard spoon. Yes, it is time to polish my silver. lol. I hold and get a feel for each utensil, just like I did with the bowl. While I love the uniqueness of the fancy spoons, they are not as comfortable to hold. The floral spoon feels the nicest, has a nice feel in the mouth, is small and petite enough to travel with. I debate a bit about whether a spoon or a fork would be best, but if I cut up my food before putting it in a bowl, I should not need a fork. I am pleased. I will go ahead and post this and another post before I go to bed about lunch and dinner. I suppose my posts are going to be extra long for awhile, as I ease into this new path on my journey. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 3/21/2011 10:54:00 AM