[Mindful i Mouse] Downbeat

[Guest guest]

The last, hopefully of night driving. We finish this load here in NYC and then head to the dreaded Vince Lombardy and wait for the next dispatch. We had breakfast at 2 am, so lunch is when? At 9am I asked my husband if he was hungry, he said no. Then he looked at the clock and when he realized that it had been 7 hours since we last ate, he became suddenly hungry. Interesting. So now I am making his lunch and wondering why I am feeling so hungry and unsatisfied with eating lately. We have about another week on the road, it seems like this last week syndrome is when all the thoughts of being home kick in and causes such longing and urges to have something....to have treats. Here my husband was all down on me when we talked about treats and staying on our diets at the beginning of the run, but now he is eating candy bars and sandwiches on top of our normal meals and I feel like a child who isn't getting their fair share. I wanted to give up brandy this year, but right now, it is all I can do not to think of it. A sip of warm brandy, a dark chocolate marzipan bar and tell the whole to go to hell. Sounds delightfully naughty to me. I need to pay attention to this whiney self pity. This leads to rebellion and I take rebellion out in food, not words. It was so much easier in the past when he ate his goodies at night, I could sip my brandy. It was even-steven. Now, I feel left out of the fun he is having, even though I know that is ridiculous. It's just that this whole weight loss thing is not turning out how I imagined it would. Being hungry and tired as I am right now, leaves me vulnerable to my own warped thinking. Gosh, almost the end of the month and I haven't lost that gain in December yet. Will this never end? This perpetual diet, this working it, working it, working it. You know, my husband has not even said I look nice, or better or anything. I have to remind myself I need to do this, even if it makes no difference to anyone but me. I had hoped it would make a difference to him. That's a surprising twist. I lost an auction to a little lady doll I really wanted. That didn't help my mood either. Where is my wonderful upbeat ketosis induced mood? Right now, if there was a bag of chips, a bowl of dip and a huge frosted cake sitting in front of me, I would dive in without blinking. That's how I feel right now. BG was 76 again this morning. I will test for ketosis this afternoon, I want to be sure those nutty snacks didn't kick me out. I am going to bring the scale into the restroom too, I need to see if I am making any progress this week. I need something to make me cry and get it out of my system or jump for joy. That would be a nice alternative. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 1/25/2011 09:38:00 AM