[Mindful i Mouse] Fat Squirrel

[Guest guest]

Changes. They are really happening! 1. My favourite shirt is now too big. It is hanging on me in a way that just doesn't even look right. I don't mind loose clothing, but baggy and saggy is a bit much. I am wearing it right now, but this is the last time. Also, just about every pair of jeans I have, I can easily pull down without unbuttoning or unzipping them. How they stay up on their own must have to do with my body shape, which is rather independent of the laws of physics. Are these the subtle clues it's time to go down a size? I think the pants are 22's and the tops are mostly 3X, I did buy a 2x shirt in December and it does fit better. 2. I have been blissfully happy since I don't know when (yes, I do, since the beginning of the month) it just sounded good to say that. Me, the Crabby Wife as my husband loves to call me, who's mood swings play like a teeter totter, just feels like life is swell, even on the truck. Just last month, I was wallowing in bad moods because I was struggling with bingeing and drinking too much. 3. I am hardly ever hungry. I can go a very long time without eating. It’s not anything I am trying to do, I find out because my husband starts hinting at being fed. I just get so wrapped up in what I doing and food just hasn't entered the picture. In my first year of dieting, I thought about food non-stop. I suffered hunger pangs to get to the next meal. I was a martyr and resented having to walk past the junk food in the truck stops and watch my husband eat what I refuse to eat (but desired) and now he looks at me like I am an alien. " Did the truck stop store have a Subway or a Mcs? " my husband asked late last night, as he was thinking of eating again. I looked at him blankly because I could not for the life of me even picture the inside of the store and what it had for food. I had just been in there twice to use the restroom since we parked. Either dementia is setting in, or I could care less about the presentation of food. I am also no longer affected by his choice to eat more than me, or the fast foods between meals. I use to get upset and resentful when I was starving to hear and smell the junk foods he ate. It doesn't phase me anymore. 4. I have a chest. The bulk of upper body fat has melted away in such a way that when I put my hand on my chest, it isn't squishy, it is hard. In the same vein, there use to be a huge roll of fat under my right arm that my bra would always roll deep into cause discomfort and irritation. The roll is gone. When did this happen? I realized that I am no longer pulling or yanking a bra strap over my former completely round (from fat) shoulders. The shoulders have definition and a resting place for a bra strap. I am scratching my head at a few things that have moved on to memory lane but I cannot place the timing of it. 5. I have been feeling so utterly at peace around food. I am finding that the more I experiment with tasting the food, the more I realize the enjoyment that can be found. All the many thousands of meals I have eaten without thinking about whether I liked it or not. I ate because it was on the diet plan, or I ate it because it was cheap binge foods, or I ate it because it was free (work or family meals). I prided myself in not being a fussy eater. I am getting fussy! I don't like it, I don't eat it. Imagine that! When I like it, I really take time to enjoy it. I feel like a new world is opening up. Yet, even with this new element taking root, I don't dwell on it beyond the meal that's before me. I tested my ketones this morning, still at a moderate level (40) and my BG was 89. I feel that I have lost weight this week, but unless i break 232, I won't consider it a loss. I'll weigh on Saturday and I haven't taken any body measurements in a long time, I will do that too. On the next home-time, I think I will sort through my clothes and get rid of anything too big. What a strange process this is. I use to keep clothing in all kinds of sizes, now I don't. Other than a tub of old clothing I kept for reference points, each layer that becomes too big gets tossed. My goal is to get to the point that any clothes I have are all ones that fit. No more storing clothes beyond seasonal. No more holding on to clothing that might fit someday. I want to stay in the here and now with everything. I took photo's of making dinner last night. Click to enlarge any photo. Yellow summer squash, chicken sausage, red onion, green bell pepper. This is a small, brunch skillet that has been such a boon to our cooking on the truck. I only cook in the skillet when we have time to park and cook. Most dinners are still cooked in the lunchbox oven while we are driving so it is ready when we park in the evening. I cooked it in olive oil. No seasoning of any kind, not even salt. I want to taste food the way it is. When it was done, I added slices of swiss cheese and let it melt. This was really good. I had lots of " mmmmmm " moments. This is on my child size plate using my small size utensils. You know, when I was done I actually felt that I had eaten too much. I could have eaten less and been satisfied. I still have trouble gauging how much I eat without measuring and weighing it, but I think I just panic sometimes. Until I check my weight on Saturday, I will not make any decisions on cutting down on food. I just noted where I was at with it. Oh, and husband got a photo of a very fat squirrel. Only at a truck stop could this squirrel get his fill of junk food! Sad. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 1/13/2011 09:48:00 AM