's motd Friday February 18, 2011

[Guest guest]

WHAT DO YOU

SAY?

Friday, 18 February 2011

sent me an E-mail last week

and needed a little advice. No, she was not

overweight but was writing about her daughter, who

is. does her best to help her daughter, keeping

their kitchen stocked with healthy foods and snacks.

Plus she makes a special effort to prepare good,

nutritious and balanced meals for her daughter and the

rest of the family. But, when it comes to what her

daughter chooses to eat, doesn't have a

chance. Seems her daughter has her own agenda when it

comes to what she eats.

She loves fast food joints and

every Saturday, she's at the mall food court with her

friends, chowing down on lots of fattening foods.

had tried talking to her daughter about her

weight but those conversations always ended the same

way. That is, with her daughter getting very

defensive and eventually storming out of the

room all upset.

When I was a kid, back in New Orleans, my father was

very stern about my weight and yes, very concerned.

But it was the way he showed his concern that

got to me. I mean, sometimes he'd say things to me

about my weight that I didn't think were very

appropriate. And okay, sometimes I'd get defensive

and walk out of the room...just like 's daughter.

My mother would bring up the subject of my weight,

too. Her approach was always, shall we say, a little

more "sing-songish." "Oh, ., my little

darling. Look how handsome you are, baby. I just

wish you'd stop eating so much and lose some of this

weight, you little sweet potato of mine."

And okay, my mother's approach and her words were more

palatable than my father's. But still, no one likes

to be talked to about their weight all the time,

especially from their parents. (And from anyone else,

for that matter.)

So here was , asking for my

advice. What could she do to help her daughter...what

could she say? I shared with that I

prefer a handwritten letter when approaching someone

about their weight, as opposed to another speech.

There's just something about sitting down and putting

your thoughts on paper for someone else to read. The

pen is mightier than the sword, you know.

I'll never forget how, many years ago, someone left a

note for me on my car. The note read, "You're

very funny but fat people die young. Please don't

die." Even though I never discovered who left

me that note, I have to tell you, it had a very

profound affect on me. It's when I began turning my

life around with my weight.

When you're ready to write that letter to your loved

one, you have to compose it in a certain way. The

letter has to begin with love, move on to concern and

close with an offer of support. In the beginning of

the letter, you should tell them how much they mean to

you. Then, you have to gently talk about how

concerned you are about their weight. Once you've

done that, you can let them know that they will always

have your support, in any way they need it.

I told that if she took my advice, her daughter

would surely keep that letter and, chances were, she

would read and re-read it, over and over again. In

fact, the letter might actually help tear down that

wall of defense her daughter had put up between the

two of them regarding her weight.

Maybe you have an overweight

child, spouse, relative or friend. And maybe you've

addressed their weight problem with them in the past

but...with no positive results. If that's the case,

maybe you should try the letter-writing approach I'm

suggesting.

Some people insist that you shouldn't say anything

to another person about their weight. Okay, I get

it. Maybe that's an effort to be "nice" but I still

think it's the wrong advice. I believe you should

reach out your hand to that person and, who knows,

maybe in the process, you'll change and save

someone's life...the life of someone you love.

Love,