[Mindful i Mouse] Realignment

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WOW! What a difference in taste between Natural Peanut butter and Smuckers! is more bland, paler, pastier, while Smuckers is saltier, roasted flavored and darker. Not that I have ever really been concerned with how peanut butter tastes, I only use it because it is a travel friendly food. I have never purchased either brand before. I really felt hungry at 2:30 pm yesterday and because it was going to be well after 8 pm before we could consider dinner, I ate a tablespoon of , not enjoying the stickiness to my mouth and then thought to open the new jar of Smuckers and found the huge taste difference. I am not saying one is better than the other, I am more amused to the same ingredients listed (peanuts and less than 1% salt) and the same nutrients, but the taste was so profoundly opposite. Even the mouth feel was different. However, while the Smuckers exploded in a roasted nut taste, I am not so sure I want that kind of pow every time I take a spoonful. I am beginning to taste the heavy saltiness of prepared foods too. This morning, the liverwurst tasted very salty to me, to the point I was not enjoying it. The more I pay attention to the taste of food, the more discerning I become. After I decided on my 12 pound immediate goal, I have to say I felt better. I guess I really needed a project of some kind to work towards. Honestly, I don't think it will happen, but if I stick to my daily limits, I will have at least made the best effort I could. In fact, the real purpose of the goal is not that I MUST lose 12 pounds by April 19th, but that I MUST remain disciplined for those days I am on home time. I also need to rearrange my thinking again. As I walked to the restroom yesterday afternoon, I felt the sun on my skin, the warmth of 80 degrees, a slight cool breeze and thought, I feel thin and alive! When the reflected image in the glass door didn't confirm how the outside view didn't match my inside feelings, I ignored it and continued to relish feeling good. That was a choice to be positive instead of negative. Many pressures are unskillfully self-created within the mind in response to various internal and external events, which are the product of unclear understanding and thinking (delusion or moha in Pali). The Lord Buddha emphasized the importance of self-control as the corner stone of happiness and mental stability and showed that the most skillful way of gaining this self-control is by treading the Noble Eightfold Path, comprising sîla (morality), samâdhi (concentration) and pañña (wisdom), which leads one to inner peace, happiness and to the lasting peace of Nibbâna. http://www.vihara.org.au/t7/dhamma/articles/authors/rasikaw/mental_health.aspx I was reflecting this morning on the above passage. I am still caught in cycles of negative thinking. My desires get overwhelming and my heart aches and yearns for what it perceived it is lacking. How I create my own sufferings this way! I spend too much time thinking about what I don't have and need to discipline my mind to think compassionately and with a positive outlook. I react to events instead of observing them as a flow of events that needs no created input from me. I know that my husband loves me, I know that he cares about my wellbeing. We are happy when together and at peace. We enjoy each other's company and feel stressed when apart. Why I created my own internal disharmony by complaining of a lack of romance is creating a drama where none needs to be. This created negative impulse is something I do in many area's of my life and it soon feels overwhelming. As I see it this morning, after reflecting on my recent bad feelings of my weight loss stalls, I thought about how much of it was my own creation. I did lose weight by being disciplined and then I was faltering in my discipline on home times. What did I truly expect? That I could suspend the rules of my diet plan because I deserved to have treats for being good for 5 weeks at a time? As long as I choose to feel resentful about dieting, I will suffer the negative impact of my thoughts. To live under that negativity keeps on cycling the discontent and it overflows into other places in my life and causes a sort of poisoning of everything. I know why I have been feeling " suspended " for a while now, it is because I have strayed from my purpose. I think setting this new small goal is just what I needed to remind myself of the discipline needed to achieve it. It means the stark reality of making each and every meal correct for the process of losing weight. It means that the indulgence of being off the truck is only a feeling and not a permission to consume more food. Isn't so strange that my mind always equates indulgence in food and not in love? And yet I somehow think that I deserve to eat as I please and to be loved! This is not correct thinking. Deserving is a negative word. I am glad I felt suspended and discontent. It did make me yearn and that led me to seeing what direction I was heading. I was heading for an eventual failure and unhappiness. I was creating my own inner world of discontent, not losing weight fast enough, not getting enough attention, not wanting to be stuck in a truck anymore, wishing, dreaming an hoping it would just all change automatically and move me to the place I wanted to be without any work on my part. All along, that inner peace is always there inside me, I just need to take the time to experience it. Much like learning how food really tastes. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 2/16/2011 05:58:00 AM