[Mindful i Mouse] Improvement

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Click to enlarge I wasn't going to do it, but I went ahead and entered the foods I will be eating on the truck, as it is not going to vary much. I wanted to see the carbs and where I will be with it on a daily basis. This is the level I can lose weight, keep my BG numbers normal all while sitting nearly 24/7 on a semi truck. I will not be using the software after this unless I feel I need to. I am still hoping to just eat and get on with life without the constant obsession of the numbers. I copied the meals to the future days, so that I have a comparison to my BG readings. If I stay close to this, I shouldn’t have to worry about BG spikes. Time will tell if I am on the right track. I will test for ketosis tonight. Fasting BG this morning was 95. I’m on a roll….lol. Yesterday, we had to drive through dinner time, so after I served up husband's dinner on a tray next to his seat, I sat back in the bunk to eat mine and decided to really taste it. I notice that when I eat on the truck, I hold the next bite of food close to the mouth while I am chewing a mouthful, poised and ready to eat the next bite. At home, we sit at a table and I eat with a knife and fork. I take my time eating at home, since I rarely take seconds. But on the truck, the whole situation lends itself to doing things quickly and this is influenced by my husband who continually acts like we must reach a destination as quickly as possible. Well, in mileage and load deadlines...yes. But in eating? Nope. I noticed how he gobbles his food down, as fast as possible, even though there was no need to. Was he extra hungry (we have reduced our intake on the truck compared to home) or is he anxious? Why was I holding the next bite of food so close to my mouth, even though I was eating slow enough, savoring each bite? I need to stop this habit, it is ridiculous. I did take note of the fabulous flavour of the sausages, I did feel completely satisfied and when I went to bed last night, I was very happy to be eating small again and feeling that wonderful neutral feeling, being neither hungry or full. Before sleeping, I read another chapter in the Zen of Eating, a book I started in November but forgot to bring home with me when I went on the toothache journey. The book was explaining the teachings of the Buddha regarding suffering and attachments in relationship to eating and food. It was interesting to read about how we identify ourselves with our obsessions. People feel a certain amount of power by calling themselves a " foodie " or an expert on a particular food, like bagels or pizza. They can get upset when other's challenge their opinions. It also talked about how deeply involved we can become in our obsessions, often to to exclusion of human interaction. We can become so self absorbed, that we get irritated when interrupted. Oh, how I could identify with that. I notice how my husband can get really into describing food, down to the minute detail, especially when comparing American foods with Danish foods. I think to myself, how obsessed can you be? Yet, I do the very same thing (always harder to see it in ourselves). I get deeply involved in my diet, the numbers, the scale, the whole thing. HIs eyes glaze over when I drone on and on about how the carbs are affection my BG numbers, and I roll my eyes when he goes on and on about cookies, bread and candies I can no longer eat. I think, how will he ever manage to keep any weight off, if he dreams about eating the very foods that made him overweight? Yet, my avoidance of eating is not going to protect me from obesity. My attachment to it is causing me suffering. Obsession is a form of suffering. I have a lot to learn this year. I don't quite get many of Buddha's teachings, sometimes I feel lost in the concepts. But each time I try to be open, I do notice something making more sense. If I had only one thing to change in myself, it is the obsession I have with food and eating….dieting is only another form of it. The book called it the Dry Drunk, who substitutes one obsession for another, keeping the status quo. That is what I do, that is what I want to let go of. This morning, I got up and walked to the truck stop store to use the restroom. I noted how much better I felt, physically lighter, how my jeans felt loose and baggy. It took only 24 hours of getting out of the high altitude and the drastic reduction of carbs to feel this dang good. I stayed in the moment with it, relishing how it felt, trying to make an imprint of it in my mind. THIS, I told myself is how I like to feel. I can feel this way anytime I want to. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 1/03/2011 08:45:00 AM