[The Little Bowl] Something Was Off

[Guest guest]

This was my dinner last night: Click to enlarge. On this seemingly normal dinner amount, I felt stuffed. I mean uncomfortably stuffed. I could barely get the last bite down. Later, as I was lying on my bunk and still feeling like a Thanksgiving turkey all trussed up, I wondered how it was that in September I felt like a bottomless hunger pit? There has to be some sort of mind and body connection (disconnection?) that governs this. Is it all in the mind? How can I eat an entire box of super frosted cupcakes one day and barely eat a small dinner a month later? Even this morning I felt I could have skipped breakfast altogether and I am a big fan of breakfast! I still feel full. It is moments like this I feel that intuitive eating is the thing to do. What if I had stopped eating the moment I felt full? I would not have cared whether I had had enough calories, but then what about those times I cannot seem to control how much I eat? How would I know when to stop when all I want to do is gobble everything in sight? This is something that has plagued me for most of my adult life, this teeter totter of lusting to indulge and total indifference to eating at all. I can’t seem to find the middle ground on it. I can go a long period of time eating intuitively and then this weird spark of devilishness hits me and I sit down and purposely eat something disgusting like an entire cake or bag of chips and dip. I do this with booze too. I can go a long time with a glass of brandy in the evening, then it creeps up on me, the second one…the third and then I find I am having a “couple’ every night. <--- yeah, right. What is going on? Is this whole binge thing all about the addictive quality of carbs or the defiant behaviour against eating under the rules of dieting? Were our ancestors (hunter gatherers) basically on a ketogenic diet and could easily live on small amounts of food? Right now, I feel I am eating too much because I get full so much sooner. I certainly am not starving, so shouldn’t my body know what it needs? Why am I always trying to out guess my body? Why is it I think there is a certain number of calories to eat, our ancestors never worked out calories, lol. Is low carb the way our bodies are programed to eat? I wonder because I feel so differently when I eat this way. It’s like there is no addictive behavior at play. I just don’t have the cravings. I could care less about eating. This feels very different than it did last year when I was on about 80 carbs a day. I was always hungry then. Same amount of calories, but half the carbs. I wonder. --

Posted By elisaannh to The Little Bowl at 10/25/2010 06:58:00 AM