[Mindful i Mouse] The Nuts Again, Lowering Calories

[Guest guest]

Yesterday, I struggled with the dang mixed nuts. I had put the container back in the cubby, out of reach from the passenger seat. But when I made lunch, I reached for them and added them to my bowl. I knew that is was unnecessary to eat them, I had had enough for lunch. I was very tired at about 3pm, we stopped and I struggled once again to have more nuts. I went ahead as I was hungry, but I knew deep down I was eating for another reason. That tired feeling, that old resentful repressed feelings were behind it all. I ate them too fast, I ate too many. I had an immediate STOP sensation and regretted it just as fast as that sensation hit me. It was like suddenly my mouth was saturated and I no longer wanted to taste mixed nuts. I grabbed my husband's container and filled his with the rest of mine. That's it for me for now. Of course, I was not really hungry for dinner, I could have eaten, but chose not to. It seemed to worry my husband that I was skipping dinner, but I knew that if I ate, I would feel too full and I need very much to get back to the rule of eating with true hunger. Snacking takes away that true hunger before a meal. I like feeling strong hunger and dislike feeling only vaguely hungry. I know that sounds weird, but I have lived all of my adult life eating because I wanted to and not because i needed to. I found I was doing that with the nuts. That's no way for me to eat, I want to be fully hungry, experience the joy of eating because it is needed and be present in the whole process. Husband had a different experience last night. He ate his dinner and an hour later went and got a Subway sandwich. He said he wasn;t even hungry, but felt compelled to eat again. I have not pressured him on this, but I do wonder where it is coming from. We have food on the truck, so of course it is not about hunger at all. I asked him if he was looking for entertainment with food, but he doesn’t recognize that concept. He said he just wanted it. I wonder how he will do out on the road for a year alone. He will cook his meals (we got a lock lid crockpot for him to use) but the lure of the junk in the truck stops will be getting to him. He will have to work this out for himself. Fasting BG was 94. I did weigh myself this morning, as it was a shower day. 235! That's two pounds down from the last weigh in. But I still have not hit the 232 yet, and here it is February! It's been two months since I last saw 232! This is so frustrating. Am I being blind about what I am doing? I complain about not losing weight, but I eat nuts when it's not needed. I think all dieters like to play the " I am innocent " game but really, we sabotage ourselves more often than we admit to. I need to get the calories down, there is no getting around that. I checked the average for 2011 so far: I just can't lose on this, so reality check again, I am reducing the calories to just under 1000 for the remainder of this run and see if I can hit the 220's before I leave on April 19th. That my current goal. --

Posted By i Mouse to Mindful i Mouse at 2/10/2011 09:34:00 AM