[The Little Bowl] Dancing

[Guest guest]

Two fab meals yesterday. Lunch was the photo above. It was so simple but so tasty. For dinner, I made the usual, but added coconut milk to the rice. Wow, I had forgotten how rich and delicious that is. It’s costly at 160 calories for 1/2 small can, but worth it. I’ve also started thinly slicing the carrot that I cook in the rice instead of grating it. I like that better, I am able to taste the carrot, it doesn’t get so blended into the rice. Both the above meals were 2 bowlfuls each. I am eating a total of 5 bowlfuls of food a day. I can’t remember directly how much my bowl holds, I think it is 1 cup or 1 1/2 cups. It is small, and I eat with a small dessert fork and teaspoon to keep myself from shoveling it in. I mention this because I noticed that I tend to eat slowly when I really like a flavour and I eat fast when I don’t care for it. I can feel starved on 3 cups of food or stuffed depending on whether I like it. I would have thought it would be the opposite. If I liked it, I would have thought I would want more of it. This thought made me think back on the old binge days. I would shovel it in, eating like machine chopping and shoveling, trying to get some unknown anxiety taken care of. I never really chose foods I loved, I chose cheap and fast food. Whatever could be eaten immediately, hand to mouth action. The binge was actually a punishment for having thoughts and feelings I could not control at the time. It was better to feel upset and angry afterwards because I could concentrate on a known feeling, instead of dealing with the unknown anxiety or stress that was bothering me. It makes sense then, to eat only what I really like if it helps me eat slowly and enjoy it. If it is high calorie, I eat less of it. Yesterday, the rest stop we stayed at had a food court and a Panera counter. My husband who adores good European bread is always on the hunt for a source of bread. He cannot stand American bread, the mushy sliced stuff in a plastic bag is not his cup of tea. He wants the crusty crust, the heaviness of whole grains and seeds. They didn’t have any bread, it was all bagels and pastries. He immediately rejected the idea of getting any type of bread when he saw how big the bagels were. Knowing that a normal size bagel use to be 3 inches, these were about twice that size. He knew the calorie count would be outrageous for his diet. Yet, I thought to myself, well, why not eat half then, but kept my mouth shut. I have no problem eating half of things these days, but he is still looking to get more volume for his calories. I respect that. They also had HUGE, and I mean HUGE sweet rolls. The cinnamon roll was at least 10 inches in diameter. Why? Why are the foods getting larger and larger? I thought my husband would have wanted one, but even he was disgusted by the size and known massive calorie count. It was truly obscene. No one, fat or thin should be eating that much at one sitting. This change of thoughts come with dealing in reality. Calorie counting is truly an eye opener. While there I noticed all the travelers walking around with their foods eating, talking on their cell phones, typing on laptops, eating, eating, eating. I try not to be judgmental, but I could not help but wonder if these people comprehended (or cared) that the foods they were eating were so high in calories that the one meal could easily top 1500 calories? Can they afford it? How many more meals did they eat that day? Or perhaps “meals†is the wrong word. Does anyone really sit down and eat at a table? Without electronics? Are they just grazing between each travel stop, wondering at the end of their vacation why they gained weight? I am observing these things in relation to my own eating. It is important that I understand how easy it is to fool myself that all the available fast and instant foods are “normal†eating. They are not. We are encouraged to eat birthday cake every day of the year. We are encouraged to stop many times a day to eat something when driving, shopping, traveling. Fast food restaurants are now touting “snackers†in case you feel guilty eating a whole “meal†12 times a day. I cannot eat that way. I will not be seduced into it. It’s a horrible fast track to obesity. Been there, done that and wear it around my middle. I am so glad we walked away from the food court, went back to the truck and had a hot and nourishing meal in the calorie count acceptable to our diet. I lacked for nothing, it tasted fabulous, I was full and satisfied. No regrets, no stomach ache, no anger over bingeing. Wow, life really has changed. No matter where I go, there will always be tons of food. I don’t want it any more. I want to feel good instead. I want to dance again. Yesterday’s meals: B- 2 T flaxseed meal, 1/2 T peanut butter, 1 corn tortilla, 2 cheese sticks, 6 oz coffee, 2 tsp creamer L- 4 oz salmon, 1 T mayo, curry powder, 1 T craisens, herbal tea D- 2 chicken sausages, 1/4 c (dry measure) basmati rice, 1/2 small can of coconut milk, 1 carrot, 1 can diet pepsi, water 1260 calories, 69gr fat, 77gr carbs, 10gr fiber, 78gr protein --

Posted By elisaannh to The Little Bowl at 6/06/2010 05:42:00 AM