's motd Sunday June 13, 2010

[Guest guest]

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

Sunday, 13 June 2010

She didn't go out much. Oh, of course she did do the things she had to do. You know, like going to work and getting her grocery shopping done. But other than those necessary things, she pretty much spent the rest of her time...at home. You see, the lady I'm telling you about had become The Invisible Woman.

People at work didn't know very much about her because she just didn't mix with her coworkers much. The same was true at her supermarket. The store's employees would greet her and she'd give them, at best, one of her timid "hellos." It was as if she were made out of thin air. When she walked down the street, she would avoid making eye contact with others. Rather, she looked at the ground, watching her steps as she walked along.She lived alone and while at home, if she weren't watching television, she'd sometimes find herself quietly staring at the ceiling. And why, you ask, did she behave this way? Why did she so deliberately avoid other people, places and things? Well, it was because she was just so ashamed of herself.You see, her weight was completely out of control. That fact didn't bother her so much when she was at home alone. But it did bother her, a lot, when she left the house and other people were able to see her appearance. It was all about her shame.

When she was out in public, she'd always wonder what other people were saying about her. She'd made up in her mind that they were be saying things like..."Oh, look at that woman, she's so overweight...poor thing." Or she imagined another person might be saying, "Look at that fat lady. She's so big, I'm surprised she can even walk." Or even something like, "I would never let myself go like that and get so big!"Really, isn't this a sad story? I truly hurt for this lady and for anyone else who feels like her. After reading her E-mail, last week I gave her a call. I told her that she had to rid her mind of the shame she was feeling all of the time. And I told her that she had to stop making herself invisible. I also told her it was not all about what she weighed. It was about who she was as a person. Talking with her, I could tell she was a very kind and sweet lady. I liked that she had such a good sense of humor on the phone, too. I told her that everyone who walks past her on the street aren't thinking the negative thoughts she imagines. In fact, I pointed out to her that she was placing those thoughts in their heads. And she had to stop it!I told her she had to get on a plan, not only to lose weight, but a plan to start getting herself out of the house. It was time to begin enjoying and actually living her life.

As we continued talking, I felt better as I began to sense a feeling of hope in her voice. And I hope she stays in touch to give me reports about the new adventure she was beginning for her life.If any of this lady's story sounds like you, please...don't hide yourself from the world and from life. Don't become invisible. The day you stop judging yourself by what you weigh is the day you'll start accepting who you are. And begin doing what it takes to make your life healthier and happier. It's time to come out of hiding......Don't be invisible!Love From The VISIBLE Man,

[Guest guest]

I am not sure how to react to this one, but it is pulling at me. The Invisible Woman is an issue I was very aware of in my last major weight loss effort in the late 1980's. I remember how I felt invisible when obese that people really didn't see me at all. When I lost 120 pounds, people started seeing me, but I was not use to being looked at. I felt suddenly quite naked and vulnerable, a feeling that really undid my sense of self. Having always been a introvert, being in the spotlight was very hard. I live in a large city at the time and so I could not hide from the attention.

There was one part of me that was thrilled to be able to wear normal sized clothing and yet I remember how I did not want to believe it was really me in the mirror, because it may be short lived. The thing I hate about diets and diet motivators is that they never address the stress a person goes through when they have lost the weight. Because a normal weight is often so far in the future that we assume all will fall into place, we don't prepare for it. Men will be more attentive and women will get more catty and expectation all around increase. It's an unfortunate truth. At the time, I wanted the male attention but Honestly did not know what to do with it when I got it. Being fat as a teen and obese in my 30's, I didn't have much dating experience.

I feel much more prepared this time around and have been talking to my husband about my fears and hopes. Being older, I won;t have to deal with male attention anymore and women friends won't be as catty as they are older too. But for anyone still in the "game" so to speak, becoming un-invisible can be a huge factor in whether one puts the protective weight back on. Something to be aware of. It happened to me. At one point I couldn't take it anymore, even though I was able to keep the weight off for 7 years. I ended up wanting desperately to be left alone and invisible again.

   

annh 307/245/157

My Weight Loss Journal: The Little Bowl

-- 's motd Sunday June 13, 2010

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

Sunday, 13 June 2010

She didn't go out much. Oh, of course she did do the things she had to do. You know, like going to work and getting her grocery shopping done. But other than those necessary things, she pretty much spent the rest of her time...at home. You see, the lady I'm telling you about had become The Invisible Woman.

People at work didn't know very much about her because she just didn't mix with her coworkers much. The same was true at her supermarket. The store's employees would greet her and she'd give them, at best, one of her timid "hellos." It was as if she were made out of thin air. When she walked down the street, she would avoid making eye contact with others. Rather, she looked at the ground, watching her steps as she walked along.She lived alone and while at home, if she weren't watching television, she'd sometimes find herself quietly staring at the ceiling. And why, you ask, did she behave this way? Why did she so deliberately avoid other people, places and things? Well, it was because she was just so ashamed of herself.You see, her weight was completely out of control. That fact didn't bother her so much when she was at home alone. But it did bother her, a lot, when she left the house and other people were able to see her appearance. It was all about her shame.

When she was out in public, she'd always wonder what other people were saying about her. She'd made up in her mind that they were be saying things like..."Oh, look at that woman, she's so overweight...poor thing." Or she imagined another person might be saying, "Look at that fat lady. She's so big, I'm surprised she can even walk." Or even something like, "I would never let myself go like that and get so big!"Really, isn't this a sad story? I truly hurt for this lady and for anyone else who feels like her. After reading her E-mail, last week I gave her a call. I told her that she had to rid her mind of the shame she was feeling all of the time. And I told her that she had to stop making herself invisible. I also told her it was not all about what she weighed. It was about who she was as a person. Talking with her, I could tell she was a very kind and sweet lady. I liked that she had such a good sense of humor on the phone, too. I told her that everyone who walks past her on the street aren't thinking the negative thoughts she imagines. In fact, I pointed out to her that she was placing those thoughts in their heads. And she had to stop it!I told her she had to get on a plan, not only to lose weight, but a plan to start getting herself out of the house. It was time to begin enjoying and actually living her life.

As we continued talking, I felt better as I began to sense a feeling of hope in her voice. And I hope she stays in touch to give me reports about the new adventure she was beginning for her life.If any of this lady's story sounds like you, please...don't hide yourself from the world and from life. Don't become invisible. The day you stop judging yourself by what you weigh is the day you'll start accepting who you are. And begin doing what it takes to make your life healthier and happier. It's time to come out of hiding......Don't be invisible!Love From The VISIBLE Man,

[Guest guest]

Sigh. Yes, I wish this issue was addressed more. I feel very intimidated by the meaning of my own weight loss, how it will pan out "in that department". I do not expect any attention from men, not only will I be too old for it, but I will have not regained my looks I had before, there's been too much damage to the elasticity of my skin.

My husband seems to think he will look like Adonis when he loses his weight. I keep trying to bring him down to earth and be prepared to accept where he may end up. It's all about feeling good inside and having the energy to live a good life with our remaining years not about being good looking.

I always thought that it was women who had trouble with accepting their appearance, but it is perhaps because we are too critical. On the other hand, men seem to be oblivious to their own appearance. My husband blurted out to me years ago that he was not attracted to me when we were having a disagreement. He said this after he had lost about 40 pounds and was on a health kick. Then, he gained a great deal of weight. I will love him no matter what he weighs, but apparently it matters to him what I weigh. He admits to being shallow about it, but that is when he had his weight under control. Now the shoe is on the other foot and he's a bit more humble about it. Our intimacy is affected by weight, but it is his mindset, not mine. If he does lose his weight, I wonder how it will affect us. Men can have fat phobia's over women's bodies, but don't include themselves in the equation. I think that is hysterical and utterly sad at the same time. They don't see a fat and balding man in the mirror, they see Adonis.

I'll never forget my daughter admitting to me how sensitive her handsome and muscular husband was to seeing a pooch of fat on his stomach one day. She said he looks at his body in the mirror more than she does! Lol.

Husband and I are talking about dieting together now, working on a common goal, but it never ceases to amaze me just how differently men think than women do when it comes to self image and dieting.

He has no shame about over eating, I feel guilt when eating too much.

He lives to eat, I wish we didn't have to eat.

He thinks when we get back to Denmark he can exercise so he can eat all the goodies, I know I can never stop monitoring my calories.

He thinks he just needs to start running again and won't have a weight problem, I think it's all about intake.

He thinks bacon is too high in calories but eats pork rinds like crazy.

He puts a teaspoon of skim milk in his coffee to save calories but loads up on butter on his potatoes (but refuses to put any on his veggies). I use real cream in my coffee (when I can) and skip the potatoes, and butter my veggies. .

He thinks that his diet is strict because I cut his potato and bread intake down, his favourite foods. He eats near to 2000 calories a day, I eat under 1000. Who's diet is strict?

He refuses to do the diet his doctor gave him because he cannot LIVE without bread and potatoes. I have tried to encourage him to understand that diabetes is a real possibility. He's being tested on the next visit. He doesn't believe he's at risk. I have never consumed the amount of carbs he has, and I was having high readings in early 2009.

He blames truck driving for his weigh gain, when in reality he was gaining long before we were trucking. I blame an abundant appetite for his weight gain.

His weakness is sweets, mine is French brandy.

He believes exercise is the key to keeping calories low, I believe eating less food is the key.

   

annh 307/245/157

My Weight Loss Journal: The Little Bowl

-- Re: 's motd Sunday June 13, 2010

If I had a dollar for every time my insecurities led me to stop dieting because I was getting too much attention, I'd probably have a weeks' pay!

Right now, I'm 325 (and 5'10" tall) and although my 180 pound goal weight is still a little heavier than recommended on the weight charts, I've got pictures of me at that weight and I looked great!

Sadly, I've come to find no matter what I weigh, men are still attracted to me. Losing weight just makes it worse! I've happily married and not looking for attention, except from my hubby (who really wants me to lose weight and look great for him!). I really hate the attention losing weight causes; suggestive compliments and oogling from men and the catty comments from women.

But I have finally made up my mind to eat healthier and not "dig my grave with a knife and fork" so that means I have to find the willpower to avoid excess snacking along with growing a thinker skin to not be bothered by what people say.

I feel better now knowing it's not just me, being paranoid about people noticing me! I know there are people in the group much closer to their goals, and I'd like to know how more people deal with it.

The road is long and studded with chocolate roadblocks, but I have decided that less of me is better! Thanks for your support!

~

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

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