I think I figured it out

[Guest guest]

I mentioned in my last post that I was feeling resentful and angry. Sure, there were incidences that were setting off the feelings, but I had to sit my massive behind down to figure out what was going on.

There is menopausal issues. My hormones are changing. I do not take pills for it. I see my skin changing, my body changing, it is all so depressing.

There is lifestyle issues. It is hard living in a truck. There are times I want to scream or cry for all the roughness.

There are deprivation issues. We save as much money as we can so we can buy a house in Denmark. This means we don’t spend on anything but essentials. Our finances are great, but it has taken away my joy of shopping. <-- pity party.

There are dieting issues. Dieting on the road, with little resources, with no support other that what I can find on the net or create myself, well half the time lately I have wondered if I am trying to do the near impossible? Sure, I have lost 47 pounds and very pleased with that, but it's getting harder, not easier to be happy about it all. Dieting is hard enough, but my mood has been in the pits. There are deprivation issues here too.

I take vitamins, I eat as well as I can with the foods we can store safely on the truck. I opt for real food over processed. But the excitement of the challenge has fallen flat on it's face. I have no desire to give up my goals or what I have to do to get there, that is not the problem. What the problem is, is feeling no sense of joy in the journey.

I think that because life is difficult right now, because our dreams and goals are so far in the future, that I need to have something very tangible right now that revolves around joy and wellbeing. I see calorie counting and weighing and measuring as a great tool to use in weightloss efforts, but it leaves a really robotic and hard edge to dieting. I spend so much time stressing over calories and my weight, that I have begun to feel like a lab rat.

I know I have to eat very little in order to lose weight. Since I have been counting calories since last Sept, I know exactly what my normal every day meals amount to. I am going to test the murky waters and see if I can stop counting and rely more on my small bowl for portion control, stay within the other guidelines I have set for myself, like 3 meals a day, limited soda pop and no junk food.

I ordered the book French Women Don't Get Fat as a change of pace. I like what I have read so far, about bringing the joy back into eating and learning what she calls equilibrium. I seek balance in all things. Until I can get that book, (when we are on the next home time) I am re-reading my One Bowl, which is another book about eating intuitively and in balance.

Anyone else finding that in the incredibly long journey of losing over 100 pounds (152 for me) needing fresh inspiration? New approaches?

Ann HStarted 09/01/09307/260/155 poundsMy Weightloss Journal:http://threeherring.wordpress.com/