Resentments are strangling me

[Guest guest]

I wish I could say that being on a diet for nearly 6 months is somehow easier than it was in the beginning.

Some days, it simply is not.

I periodically get really upset (internally) and bound up in resentments that is not doing me any good. Both husband and I are trying to lose weight. I am far more disciplined than he is at this time. He can be, and there was a time a few years ago, when his discipline was amazing. He ran on the treadmill consistently, cut down his snacking and lost weight. But that is not what is happening right now. Now it is me being the strong one and it is wearing me down.

My dieting is NOT based on what he does or doesn’t do. That's understood. I accepted that I needed to do this for myself and nothing should interfere with my decision. It's all well and good to be constantly working the diet, making daily choices, logging in every single bite for 6 months. But now and then, I fight so hard to stay positive about it.

I do well when things are routine, when I make dinner, or we both sit down to a restaurant meal and we can each chose to eat what is before us (or not). Now and then, my husband decides to eat something because he wants it, beyond our normal meals. This throws me, like it's "unfair" or something. When I have to say no to what not in the plan, when I have to explain that it is too high in calories for me, he eats it anyway. Which, of course is his right to do so. Yesterday, we had truck problems and could not use our appliances so that I could cook dinner. We went into the travel plaza that evening to find it was nothing but fast food stalls (we had hoped for a sit down restaurant). I knew fast food would do me in, one of my favourite American foods is the burger. I stayed strong and said no to the invite to eat this meal. I decided to go back to the truck, open a can of chicken and a can of veggies, use mayo to make a cold salad. It was bland, it was food, it was not what I wanted to be eating while I watched my husband down two large burgers and a king size fries. I logged his dinner, it came to 2578 calories. Mine came to 618. This knowledge did not help me feel any less resentful. Lately, he has cut back on snacks, but often, into the night, I get to listen to him munching away. We have talked about it, it's not about a lack of communication and support, it is purely my own resentful feelings about it.

I hate feeling like this, I really do. It's not going to make me stop dieting but does anyone have any suggestions as to how to tame this resentment beast? I cannot image how anyone with a family deals with the day to day watching of others eat what we do not. I don't think of bad/good foods, I think that everything is fair game, as long as the calories are counted, but I often have to let foods I like go because I cannot afford the calories and I am not interested in finding terrible tasting substitutes, nor attempt to eat half. I am just not that strong right now.

Any suggestions are welcome.

Ann HStarted 09/01/09307/260/155 poundsMy Weightloss Journal:http://threeherring.wordpress.com/