's motd Friday May 21, 2010

[Guest guest]

TOUGH LOVE

Friday, 21 May 2010

My father, Leonard, believed in tough love. Now he was not such a "tough guy" but when it came to my weight, his words sure were tough.

Sometimes during a meal, he'd see how much I was eating and let's just say, I wasn't having, uh...small portions. First, I'd spot the anger in his eyes. It was like looking into the eyes of the Wolfman. I was so scared! The lines in his forehead would gather and his eyebrows would raise as he lit into me. He'd get up from the dinner table and walk around to let me have it!"What is wrong with you, Dicky? Why do you have to eat so much? No one in this family is fat but you! And there you sit...eating like a pig!"After my brief scolding, my father would walk back to his seat. And oh, after that, I was just about too scared to eat even another bite. So I'd get up from the table and go to my room. As I left the dining room, my father would shout, "Good, that's where you belong. Why don't you stay in there for the rest of your life!"

Now these little episodes didn't happen just once a day, they happened several times a day. When I saw the anger in my father's face, I didn't know what to do. I never knew when his cork was gonna pop over my awful eating habits. Soon, I even began to fear him.Now I know that a lot of people believe in tough love. And I've even tried using it a few times with those I work with to help lose weight. But I have to tell you, the tough love method doesn't work for me. I don't feel that getting in someone's face and screaming negative things at them about their weight is the way to go. I mean...where is the love?The way I see it, tough love doesn't reach a person's heart. More likely, it affects their emotions and in not such a positive way. Yes, I get upset when I see people gain back weight they've worked so hard to lose. They fall off program, don't write me for half-a-year and when they do write, it's to tell me how much weight they've gained back. And I feel just terrible when I get that kind of news.

Now I know they don't gain the weight back on purpose. Sadly, they only lost their way. I'm just happy they decided to come back to me. When I hear from them or we get to talk in person, I talk to them from a gentle, loving place in my own heart...not a tough one.When someone returns to Slimmons after being gone for a while, I always stop them after class to spend a few minutes to say, first of all, welcome home! I don't scold them about gaining weight. Hey, it's more like they've already "scolded" themselves with their weight-gain. I listen to what they have to say and give them the same loving advice I give all of you.So, are you too tough...on yourself? Do you stand there in front of the mirror putting yourself down for having gained weight? Well, if you have, it's gotta stop! You've got to look into that mirror, forgive yourself and get right back to work taking better care of yourself.There're quite a few people on TV with shows that specialize in tough love. I don't watch them. See, they really get under my skin and rub me the wrong way. I think a big hug and a good listening ear go a lot further than someone barking in your face about what you should do to lose weight. Please love yourself today in every way and don't put yourself down...even once. Lift yourself up throughout the day and please, spread the love you have for yourself to others. Hey...it's not so tough.Love,