A brief thought

[Guest guest]

I don't know why I feel the need to make this post, maybe it is a

sense of obligation or guilt etc.

I am continuing with a ton of research in the area of autism, and

speaking to many folks; I do believe applies to CFS in interesting

ways and hopefully to lyme also, but I'm not going to post about it in

the near future. In retrospect it took a lot of time and energy to do

so, and summarize DVDs for instance and I did it in the spirit in

which I felt Rich was dedicating so much time and energy. I felt we

were all working together. But I realize that lists are very diverse

in opinions and approaches and it has felt to me that some people were

upset, appalled, opposed, contentious, whatever. They have every right

to do what works for them, but when we got to the point where Ken put

Amy Yasko on yellow (ie caution)--and I respect his right to moderate

and shape the list so that he feels it is efficient and effective--I

personally felt that I would feel more comfortable backing off.

I liked sharing with the list but not when it becomes personally

stressful for me, and I am thrilled that Rich continues to do so. I

like to help people when I can, in whatever way I can. I sometimes

feel obligated to do so because of certain privileges inherent in what

I do for a living and therefore my access to people.

BI am amazed and impressed at the time and energy that went on in the

dialogue between Rich and Katrina for instance. But I personally don't

want to continue doing my little version of the same right now; I'm

going to return to a more self-oriented mode. I get a great deal of

pleasure and still marvel daily at the gift of being able to do the

work I do. Though aspects of my genetics and my circumstances

(especially tickbites) were extremely unfortunate luck, I realize

sometimes that I am also very lucky, to have figured out and been able

to get access to things like IVIG and a home hyperbaric chamber that

make me functional while I pursue trying to get well without any

significant antibiotics or antimalarials. Perhaps there are angelic

and devilish forces grappling for each person's individual soul and

each life is a drama worth telling. I forget who said, To every man is

given the key to the gates of heaven, the same key opens the gates of

hell. Well, it's our choice. Ultimately we are on a spiritual journey.

I'll continue to read the list every day and comment sometimes but I'm

going to stop posting about my current research.