Re: I've missed you guys!

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

You have been so phenomenally successful with your weight loss. That's fantastic! Your total expected weight loss is close to what I need to lose, too. I am still at the beginning of my journey and I have tried several times, but I was not successful before because I did NOT put the effort into it.

Your friends and family can see how successful you are, and you have become a mentor to them. However, they may have not done the head work of realizing it WILL be hard sometimes, and the only way around it is through. You can tell them the steps - we all know the steps. Eat more fruits and veggies, less fat, move more, drink water, no negative self-talk. As you say, if it was easy, there wouldn't so many of us (grin).

For me, it's all about mindset. I always say the hardest fat for me to lose is the stuff between my ears - the fat image, the fat mindset. I have finally learned that you don't have to be perfect every meal, every day. I've been averaging just under a lb a week for two months with about 60% compliance with my program. I wouldn't have even that loss if I wasn't trying to incorporate more movement. I might get up to 2 lbs a week if I really pushed the exercise and, as I lose more and get more fit, I might be able to do that. But, right now, I'm doing what I can when I can, and it is, slowly, working. At this rate, it will take me three years to get to goal. But what I'm doing right now, I CAN do for the next three years, and hopefully, the 30 years beyond that.

You have to decide it's worth it even though it's hard. I have my sister attending WW with me and, even though we might discuss WW onlyonce during the week (other than attending the meeting together), having that subtle support is helping me, I think. She is already ahead of me on weight loss and has much less to lose. But she is determined to lose it, and her enthusiasm helps me.

So, you might be helping them just by being an example, even if they are not ready to listen to your advice, even when they ask you for it. Since you are successful, they figure it must be easy. No, it's not. You are just working exceptionally hard at it, and they're not yet at the right head place where they are ready to accept that it's going to be tough sometimes.

You keep working on what YOU need to do. Direct them toward information and health sites that work for you, and then let it go. It's hard enough for us to lose our own weight without carrying everyone else's too.

Just remember how successful you have been and will continue to be. Their weight issues are just that - THEIRS.

Eileen in OR

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight I think I finally figured it out--my friends and family arereally bringing me down. They have all turned to me for weight lossadvice and support in the last several months and while that'sflattering, there's only so much I can do.

[Guest guest]

> How's everyone else doing? I'm so far behind it'd take me a week to> get through all the posts (because my internet is painfully slow lately).

I'm still maintaining. Don't know whether to cry cause I'm not losing or jump for joy cause I'm not gaining:) So I'm just accepting it for now.> > Here's my update. I've been horrible about eating, two days 'on', two> days 'off'. I've been good about exercise, though, so not going to> beat myself up too much. I'm on the verge of TOM, so I haven't> weighed lately, but I will in a week.

Ahh, we can't be perfect. Just keep trying.

> > ly, it's been hell over here. One of my very best friends is> going through the process of confirming breast cancer. We had Ben's> appt with the pediatric cardiologist earlier this week and everything> is fine, thank heavens for that. Something's been bugging me, more> than just my 'baby' starting kindergarten and my other baby starting> preschool...something more than this damn plateau (that I'm not> helping lately), and more than all the other, everyday crap (that I> normally don't let get to me).

I truly feel for you. It seems these are stressful times for a bunch of us. I'm glad Ben's test came back good. That had to be a load off your mind. My uncle that they didnt think would make it that is in the hospital with cancer has improved somewhat. That are doing a trach on him monday and they have hopes he will be able to start his chemo soon. My nephews baby was born a month early is now on the bottle and gaining some weight. So things are getting better here.> > Tonight I think I finally figured it out--my friends and family are> really bringing me down. They have all turned to me for weight loss> advice and support in the last several months and while that's> flattering, there's only so much I can do.

I think maybe they see what you have accomplish and wish for the same results. But yes you cannot devote all your time to helping others so you don't have time for yourself.

And lately, it's not so> much advice or support they want from me--seems like they want me to> say, "Oh, yeah, it is hard...we should all just give up." My friends> call and complain that it's hard to get up earlier to exercise and> that there just isn't time any other part of the day, but...but...but.> My dad desperately wants to lose weight, but isn't willing to do ANY> of the hard work--he just wants to complain at me about how hard it is> and wants to know my 'secret'. My mom complains about the diet> portion of losing weight and how hard it is and how it's not fair that> all she really wants is carbs (bad ones, not good ones) and she can't> have them. See where I'm going with this? Everyone around me has> decided there are 3000 reasons to not lose weight and it's weighed> heavily on me. I think it's affected my attitude here lately. In> fact, looking back, I KNOW it has. Kind of like, "Well, why is it> different for me?" And part of me thinks that if none of those people> can do it, sooner or later, I'll fail, too.

But you know...in all fairness to them...We have said the same things in our past (in my case the present at times) It is hard. Sometimes I want to give up. It is hard to put in that exercise daily and watch everything we eat. So I can understand everything they are complaining about. But your question...Why is it different for me? And you thinking sooner or later you'll fail. It's different for you because you have lost weight. You know you can do it. You are deciated to doing it. You want it. And you want it badly. You are strong and stay focused most of the time. And yes,,,,you may fail sooner or later. As I said before you arent perfect. But the difference is you find you failed one day staying on plan you put that behind you and get started again.> > I haven't decided how to confront this problem yet, but I'm going to> have to do something. It's a daily thing now that someone calls me to> complain about their lack of weight loss and how hard it is. Well,> DUH. If it was easy, everyone would be thin, Sherlock. It IS hard. > Sometimes it's NOT fair. But then, if you're not willing to do the> work, you're not allowed to whine about how 'nothing's working'.

Once again I think it's naturally for people to complain as to how hard it is. They are just being truthful. But like you said, they have to put in a honest effort. If you arent even trying then there is no doubt you arent going to go nowhere. I think the best way to attack it is to be honest. Tell them you're darn tooting it's hard. I struggle every day. But you know dad you have to move more and do it daily. Add a little time each week. And yes mom, it's not fair but it's life. We have to watch what we eat if we want to lose it. I'm more then happy to tell you what I do to lose weight but it's up to you as to whether you do it or not. You are the ones that have to do the work . I can't do it for you.

> Anyway. It's been a bad couple of weeks over here. But figuring this> all out tonight has eased my mind so much. Because up until now, I> just knew that everything was getting to me, but I couldn't figure out> why. And rather than falling into the pattern of, "yeah, they're> right, this is too hard" and giving up, I'm simply going to change it> to: This is hard, but it's worth it.

Darn straight, you're worth it. Don't let other peoples attitudes throw you off. They are just fighting their own demons in their own way too. And talking with you about them is their way maybe of asking for help. Just be honest and tell them you can't do it for them. Thats up to them. I have to say I still have the same problem myself. I know what needs to be done and I just have these fights with myself to get going. You're doing great!> > I really have missed you guys!!!

I missed you too.

[Guest guest]

Here you go Bonnie, I just read Eileen's mail. She said this so well. I wished I could express it as well as she has. Thanks Eileen. Thats what I was trying to say to her and I'm just not good with words.

Bonnie,

You have been so phenomenally successful with your weight loss. That's fantastic! Your total expected weight loss is close to what I need to lose, too. I am still at the beginning of my journey and I have tried several times, but I was not successful before because I did NOT put the effort into it.

Your friends and family can see how successful you are, and you have become a mentor to them. However, they may have not done the head work of realizing it WILL be hard sometimes, and the only way around it is through. You can tell them the steps - we all know the steps. Eat more fruits and veggies, less fat, move more, drink water, no negative self-talk. As you say, if it was easy, there wouldn't so many of us (grin).

For me, it's all about mindset. I always say the hardest fat for me to lose is the stuff between my ears - the fat image, the fat mindset. I have finally learned that you don't have to be perfect every meal, every day. I've been averaging just under a lb a week for two months with about 60% compliance with my program. I wouldn't have even that loss if I wasn't trying to incorporate more movement. I might get up to 2 lbs a week if I really pushed the exercise and, as I lose more and get more fit, I might be able to do that. But, right now, I'm doing what I can when I can, and it is, slowly, working. At this rate, it will take me three years to get to goal. But what I'm doing right now, I CAN do for the next three years, and hopefully, the 30 years beyond that.

You have to decide it's worth it even though it's hard. I have my sister attending WW with me and, even though we might discuss WW onlyonce during the week (other than attending the meeting together), having that subtle support is helping me, I think. She is already ahead of me on weight loss and has much less to lose. But she is determined to lose it, and her enthusiasm helps me.

So, you might be helping them just by being an example, even if they are not ready to listen to your advice, even when they ask you for it. Since you are successful, they figure it must be easy. No, it's not. You are just working exceptionally hard at it, and they're not yet at the right head place where they are ready to accept that it's going to be tough sometimes.

You keep working on what YOU need to do. Direct them toward information and health sites that work for you, and then let it go. It's hard enough for us to lose our own weight without carrying everyone else's too.

Just remember how successful you have been and will continue to be. Their weight issues are just that - THEIRS.

Eileen in OR

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight I think I finally figured it out--my friends and family arereally bringing me down. They have all turned to me for weight lossadvice and support in the last several months and while that'sflattering, there's only so much I can do.

[Guest guest]

Bonnie,

OH How I missed you! I am so glad that Ben's ok!!!!!

I'm still off plan... But at least I'm not gaining. Everyday I plan to get on plan but I don't. However I am making wiser choices and sticking to smaller servings. Other than that things are pretty good.

Who cares what the weight charts say? Just find where you'll be most comfortable in your skin and stay there. It's not about what other people think you should weigh. It could happen that you lose the 60 pounds and decide to go smaller. It's up to you and only you. You can do this and you are a big girl. You CAN trust yourself to make good decisions, afterall look how far good decisions got you.

Ok you aren't sticking to plan as well as you like. But aren't the 2 days on worth it? YOU are exercising which is absolutely wonderful!

It sounds like your friends and family need some Tough Love. Tell them how you feel. Tell them if it wasn't work that everyone would be thin. Tell them how hard you 've worked. Tell them how there are times you want to give up but won't let yourself! Let them know there is no magic pill. Tell them all this. They won't like it but at least they will leave you alone with their whining.

You deserve encouragement and not dead weight dragging you down. You are fabulous and special and Boy oh boy I MISSED YOU! Blessed be,

[Guest guest]

wrote: [[i'm still maintaining. Don't know whether to cry cause I'm not losing or jump for joy cause I'm not gaining:) So I'm just accepting it for now.]]

Celebrate sister, CELEBRATE!! Any pound not gained or regained is great cause for celebration!!

[Guest guest]

> You have been so phenomenally successful with your weight loss. That's

> fantastic! Your total expected weight loss is close to what I need

to lose,

> too. I am still at the beginning of my journey and I have tried several

> times, but I was not successful before because I did NOT put the

effort into

> it.

Thank you, Eileen I've only seriously (as in, stuck to it for more

than a week...or a day) tried to lose weight three or four other

times. I wasn't anywhere near ready in my head to do it, though, and

you're right--that is over half the battle and for me, it's one of the

hardest parts.

> For me, it's all about mindset. I always say the hardest fat for me

to lose

> is the stuff between my ears - the fat image, the fat mindset. I have

> finally learned that you don't have to be perfect every meal, every day.

This is what I'm trying to get through my mom's head--it's

consistency, not perfection, that's important!

> I've been averaging just under a lb a week for two months with about 60%

> compliance with my program. I wouldn't have even that loss if I wasn't

> trying to incorporate more movement. I might get up to 2 lbs a week if I

> really pushed the exercise and, as I lose more and get more fit, I

might be

> able to do that. But, right now, I'm doing what I can when I can,

and it

> is, slowly, working. At this rate, it will take me three years to

get to

> goal. But what I'm doing right now, I CAN do for the next three

years, and

> hopefully, the 30 years beyond that.

This is fantastic This is exactly what we need to be thinking of

when we decide what we're willing to do to lose the weight--because it

has to be a lifetime commitment or we'll just gain it back.

> You keep working on what YOU need to do. Direct them toward

information and

> health sites that work for you, and then let it go. It's hard

enough for us

> to lose our own weight without carrying everyone else's too.

I talked to my mom about it yesterday--about how my friend's negative

attitudes are really weighing me down--in hopes that she will put two

and two together and think twice before she complains about her lack

of weight loss to me. She's funny in that she doesn't deal well with

confrontation, so I decided to go that route first and then, if there

are still issues, I'm going to be more direct. I've also decided to

tell my friends that I'm having a difficult time lately and that while

I'll always be there to support them, I just can't have all the

negativity flying around about exercise and diet. They'll understand

perfectly, I think, as they're good friends

> Just remember how successful you have been and will continue to be.

Their

> weight issues are just that - THEIRS.

*grins* Thank you for this--I needed it!

-Bonnie

[Guest guest]

> OH How I missed you! I am so glad that Ben's ok!!!!!

Thank you, ! It's so much easier to focus on everything now

that I know he's okay.

> I'm still off plan... But at least I'm not gaining. Everyday I plan

to get on plan but I don't. However I am making wiser choices and

sticking to smaller servings. Other than that things are pretty good.

I started back in with " I can do anything for two days " and so that's

what I'm doing right now. I did well yesterday, I *will* do well

today, and then I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. I'm

aiming for 5-6 days 'on', but only worrying about one day at a time

> Who cares what the weight charts say? Just find where you'll be most

comfortable in your skin and stay there. It's not about what other

people think you should weigh. It could happen that you lose the 60

pounds and decide to go smaller. It's up to you and only you. You can

do this and you are a big girl. You CAN trust yourself to make good

decisions, afterall look how far good decisions got you.

Exactly I'm not so much worried about numbers anymore. I just

want to be comfortable and active.

> Ok you aren't sticking to plan as well as you like. But aren't the 2

days on worth it? YOU are exercising which is absolutely wonderful!

I feel so much better when I'm 'on', so going off isn't even worth it!

It's just silly.

> It sounds like your friends and family need some Tough Love. Tell

them how you feel. Tell them if it wasn't work that everyone would be

thin. Tell them how hard you 've worked. Tell them how there are times

you want to give up but won't let yourself! Let them know there is no

magic pill. Tell them all this. They won't like it but at least they

will leave you alone with their whining.

*grins* I knew you guys would understand

> You deserve encouragement and not dead weight dragging you down. You

are fabulous and special and Boy oh boy I MISSED YOU!

I honestly don't know what I'd do without you ladies--this is a

fantastic group for so many reasons

Alright, so we're about to start a new week...let's see if we can all

get back on our plans before the holidays start comin' at us!

-Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Hey Bonnie Great to hear from you. I have had a crazy end of summer. Tomorrow the kids go back to school regularly. Time for some ME. FIND some time for you Bonnie. I know you will still have the little guy at home. BUT find that time even if he is watching a tape and collect your thoughts. My goals for next week. ORGANIZE my days for the week, clean, less phone, more focus on GETTIN R DONE... So chin up sister.

NHMom to AbnEm...

[Guest guest]

> Tomorrow the kids go back to school regularly. Time for some ME.

So, , what have you been doing with this new-found quiet time?

> Mom to AbnEm...

I see you got yourself a new sig, too. Cool!

Sue in NJ

[Guest guest]

>I have no idea how we all survive " back to school " .

It was kind of depressing to me. Remember, I had Henry home for 6 years

homeschooling through high school, then he attending a local college the

past 4 years and took summer classes each year. This was the first summer

he's been home since he started college 4 long years ago, and it was nice

having him around the house again every day. At least last week when he

started his grad school classes Ed was home on vacation, but today is the

first day I'm alone since early morning since May, and the house was *so*

quiet! At least once I started scrubbing I turned the stereo on as loud as I

dared so it didn't seem like I was alone. And I've been so busy since he

left this morning I barely have time to miss him.

Ed'll be home around 5pm, but Henry has a night class so we'll be picking

him up at 9 at the college. Oh, I wish that kid would drive! He offered to

take the trains home tonight, but because of all the 9-11 activities today,

there is so much security at the subway stations it took Ed 2 hours to get

into work this morning (just one subway stop away from Henry's school) and

it'll only get worse as the day goes on, as candlelight ceremonies are

scheduled in a few places tonight.

I can't wait until Henry either graduates or moves out so we can move out of

the NYC area again! Ed keeps saying thast if 9-11 took place while we were

in Florida we would never have moved back. It's just so stressful living

here now.

Sue in NJ

who really should be on the bike seat instead of the computer chair