Re: I'm not depressed - Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Oh my gosh, after reading this, we could be long lost sisters

> Heck, I think making a better choice right away is being kinder to

myself. In a way, it says I'm important NOW. I struggle with value

and worth stuff… hard not to do when I'm so overweight. And… one of

the reasons I think being overweight `works' for me.<

I think most of us struggle with value and worth stuff...you're

definitely not alone with that. And it's a great step in so many ways

to get back on plan immediately for exactly the reasons you said.

It's a powerful thing when we treat ourselves well and to choose to do

it even when it's hard (which, for me, is when I've fallen off plan),

is really important, I think.

> You mentioned that you stumbled upon WATP. What's that? Sixteen

minutes long? <

Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds. You can get the one mile walk,

two mile walk, and three mile walk on one DVD for about $22, I think,

on Amazon:

http://tinyurl.com/rdruc

(had to tiny url it )

Anyway, can't say enough about that DVD. My mom and sister have it,

too, and love it. Now I've sort of outgrown it, but I do the three

mile walk about once a week, usually the day after weight training

because I'm a bit too sore for step aerobics.

>One of my hang ups when it comes to exercise… well, and weight loss

too… is that I always do a lot of planning (procrastinating). For

example, I needed a food journal and not any piece of paper would do…

then I needed music… maybe a mp3 player… so I bought one… then I

figured I needed noise cancelling headphones because I didn't like the

overhead music at the gym… and now I want a heart monitor because the

ones on the treadmill don't work at the gym… and then I need to have a

grandiose plan… Even I was getting irritated at my irrational

procrastinating/avoidance techniques. Waiting for the planets to

align is only a slight exaggeration for me.<

*lol* This is me! Well, was me. I started with WATP, then about two

weeks into it, decided to try keeping a food journal. Made myself

start that day with paper on-hand so I wouldn't put it off until I

found the perfect notebook. I was shocked by how many calories I was

eating. So started by just lowering my calorie intake. Then I

started focusing on more fruits/veggies, more high quality protein,

etc. One step at a time. Then in November I read " Make the

Connection " and that helped me SO much. That's when I started to

realize that everything ties in together to make us who we are. We

either don't like ourselves and treat ourselves badly with food and

get depressed and so we don't exercise and we stay in that cycle...or

we learn to accept and love ourselves enough to do what's best for our

bodies and then that becomes a new cycle. I struggle every once in a

while, but for the most part, this is becoming natural to me now.

> The thing I really know is that if I want to lose 100 pounds I

need to do things differently now - today - and that every little bit

helps. A simple thing I've done is I signed up for Chose to Move by

the American Heart Association which is an online informational 12

week program that just encourages you to move.<

Good for you! You have a great attitude and I really think you're

going to make it work.

>Another defect of mine is that I want to do everything right away. I

knew that coming up with a grandiose plan didn't work for me because I

never got out of the planning stages.<

I laughed out loud when I read this because I could have written it!

Too much planning and not enough doing--that describes my life in a

nutshell. But that's changing.

> So… I thought I'm going to try things a little differently… week

one I just made a commitment to park farther out in the parking lot at

work. We have a really huge parking lot… maybe a quarter + mile from

the door. This was hard because I actually changed my hours and was

going in so early that I could have had a prime space up front.

Despite the temptation, for 10 weeks now

> I've parked in the last space on one side. In week two I decided

to take the stairs and have been doing that for 9 weeks now. I only

work on the second floor but I figure going up and down several times

a day adds up.<

Fantastic!

>I'm also going to look for a workout buddy. My sister was supposed

to partner with on the Choose to Move program but she fizzled out on me. <

This has happened to me with every workout buddy I've ever had. I

decided to just try to do *something* almost every day, whether or not

I could get someone to join me. Now that I'm used to it, I'm kind of

protective of my exercise time and I don't necessarily want or need

anyone else with me. I like group exercise classes now, I just don't

need a friend there to enjoy it or get it done

> I also want to find someone that's similar to me in physical

capabilities because I don't want to compare myself or struggle to

keep up with some who has 10 pounds to lose. It's really tough to

find support, or at

> least the kind I want. <

You can always post in here...I'm going to start a daily " exercise "

post in here so those of us that want to, can check in. We're all at

varying levels of exercise, but I don't think that's a big deal at

all. I could just barely go up a flight of stairs when I first

started, so I was probably worse off than just about anyone.

> The thing is I don't know what I'm doing. So, tomorrow I've set

aside some time to look at my food plan so I can take it to my doctor

for approval and to create a schedule for some exercise. <

I didn't know what I was doing, either. If we did, we'd probably be

fit already

>Whatever I have at the end of the day tomorrow is what I need to do…

even if it's going to the gym for 30 minutes to walk on the treadmill.

I'm a planner so it's important for me to have something but I don't

need to use my planning as a way to procrastinate. I think I'm going

to try Girls on the Move. My sister sent me the link and one of my

long term goals is to start running again. <

I just started jogging a couple months ago and I love it! I can't do

much right now, I had to back off because I hurt my ankle (can do just

about everything else alright, just not jogging), but I REALLY want to

run a 5K over Labor Day weekend--don't know if I can now, though. *sigh*

> Bonnie, I particularly like what you have to say. Dacia too. I

always keep an eye out for your posts. Sapphyre always has

interesting information to share. I'm looking forward to trying the

Mexican Beef recipe that I printed out from someone. I appreciated

the link for exercise videos. There's something here for everyone and

the nice thing is that we get to take what we can use and leave the

rest. <

Thanks I really don't know what I'd do without this group now.

Sure, there are things I disagree with, but no biggie. Over the 5 or

so months I've been a member, I've learned *so* much. And for the

most part, everyone is very supportive.

> Bonnie, I'd love to hear more about your history and where you're

at. I like your positive, self responsible attitude. I sense that

you and I are on a similar path.<

I posted a long post a while back about " the three questions " and that

gives a lot of my history...let me look up the post number. It's

#35908, titled " my motivations--long " .

I didn't have a weight problem as a kid, though. I battled about 3-6

pounds each year until the last year of high school and then I put on

about 15 pounds. Then I went to college and put on another 15. Then

I met someone and moved in with him (he was horribly abusive in just

about every way) and I gained until I was 320 pounds. I managed to

lose most of that in 1999 on Atkins, but the minute I started eating

carbs again I gained back 40 lbs. Then after several miscarriages, we

conceived our oldest son and I was on bedrest for the entire

pregnancy. I was depressed (sure I would lose him, too), and I had no

one around except dh (we lived in NE then, with all my friends and

family here in Indiana), and I promptly gained the rest of the weight

back and got up to 330's, I believe. Then I just never lost it again.

> This was a long one. Probably because I'm procrastinating on some

other writing I should be doing. Dang it! <

Well, I really enjoyed your message--and you're right, we do sound

very similar By the way, how do you pronounce your name? I'm

thinking maybe " mine " ?

-Bonnie