Why I Purposely Put It Back On ... (Was The Saddest Thing)

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Ok sit down and make yourself comfy. This is a LONG story In the early 80s I got sick. I had some kind of flu thing that made me sick for a long time. When I recovered I'd lost 20 pounds. Deciding I'd like to not regain the weight, and actually finish losing ALL my excess weight, I got some of ' stuff (in those days all that was available was books) and I signed up at a woman's only Gym (Venus DiMilo if anyone remembers those) and started watching what I ate and working out 2 hours a day EVERY day. I lost 85 pounds. In the process freaky things started to happen. 1) The women I worked with were

friendly to me, and they continuously asked me HOW DID YOU DO IT??? 2) These same women kept trying to dictate how my 'new body' should be dressed (to attract men) and how I should walk, etc. 3) One night I had to go pick up mother from work. With Mother you never walk out the door that you don't have to go to the grocery store. So on the way home we stopped for something. In the checkout line there was a man behind me with 2 6 packs of beer. He was babbling nonstop, I thought, to the person either behind him or the cashier. As we got to the cashier I looked up at him and smiled because I thought the guy behind me was talking to him. All of a sudden there was this unshaven freaky lookin face in front of mine from behind me shouting (yes shouting) I'M TALKING TO YOU! then he proposed marriage and mess like that. I was furious, embarrassed, and about to kick him in the family jewels and be done with him, but just politely

smiled and walked on out. Turns out the guy was a paramedic (?! beer ?!) He got in an ambulance and drove away. 4) I had to work late one night. When I got home around 11 p.m., our creepy freaky "lurchlike" maintenance man was WAITING for me at the mailboxes. He started talking freaky crap to me, scaring me to death. I scurried back to my apartment and later moved. 5) Went to a friend's house. The year before when I'd been fat, I had been over there and a friend of her husband's was there and she introduced us, nothing special just being polite, and the guy barely acknowledged me and went on about his rat killing (texas expression). So when I ran into him again a year later at my friend's, he didn't remember me, was infatuated with me, flirted with me endlessly while I was there, acting like a kid with a crush. When I got home I was fuming about it when the phone rang. It was my friend and this guy had asked her to ask

me if she could give him my phone number and he could call me. I told her I wasn't interested, decided I was hungry, went to KFC, got a bucket of chicken and gained 120 pounds. So it was irritation, anger, fear and frustration with people's attitudes that made me put it back on. NONE of that would have taken place if I was still fat. In '03 I started getting sick again, in my chest this time. If I want to live I have to get the weight off. People will see me. People will approach me. It won't be so easy this time, for them. I'm not having it. I'm a LOT more vocal now than I was back then, no more Ms. Nice Girl. But that's in the distant future, I still have a long way to go. I can handle it now Ann and

<maryannanderic@...> wrote: ----- Original Message ----- From: Sapphyre> If I'm not acceptable fat, I'm not going to be any MORE acceptable when > the weight's gone.I gotcha. If you didn't like me fat then f you when I'm fit. <snip> -Sapphyre Feel Free to Visit: www.geocities.com/asmallersapphyre www.livejournal.com/users/changescomin

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