Re: (OT) Hey Ella ...

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kara. No I don't think you're out of line. ) You were kind,

and sometimes it's really all in the delivery. No, the aunt in

question here is a nurse and isn't exhibiting any other 'odd'

behavior. In fact, from the first time we came here she's made

remarks, jokes, insinuations, etc. about my weight, and she's

constantly saying her thighs look fat, etc. (she's a twig). She does

eat a SIGNIFICANT amount of junk food and rarely eats real food at

all. She's not a clean person---not by a long shot (another talk

show)---and she's a total pack-rat and always has been.

She can't throw anything away, even if it's obvious garbage (broken

furniture that is broken in pieces or rotting, for starters). She

has cupboards full of old towels, etc. that she's had for some 20

years, and she'll dig stuff from the trash, wash it and keep it

downstairs... even if it's never touched again. She's always been

this way. But she seems to have a problem with overweight people.

Sometimes she'll say things out-right, and other times she'll take

the back road and talk endlessly about her daughter-in-law who " ..Is

blonde, cute, and so tiny... " (her words). Then she'll make cracks,

jokes, insinuations, hints, etc.

The family says she never used to keep the fridge full EVER, and

they've come here to visit and stayed the weekend or week many a

time. Her fridge had stuff in it when we came, but it wasn't loaded

and what was in there was molded (the smell was awful). She heard I

was on a diet and taking T3, progesterone, and other supplements for

thyroid and perimenopause, and the next day she went to this discount

store. She came back with bags and bags and bags of stuff ranging

from donuts to ice-cream, cookies to candy, and SEVERAL bags of

chips. And that's just the beginning. She inevitably left no room

for real food in the fridge. None, and when you opened the door you

had to do it carefully or stuff would fall out.

When I couldn't afford the meds anymore I weaned myself off and

couldn't keep with my diet in that environment. I was very depressed

(still am) and just didn't have the motivation to fight temptation

every day. The second I went off the diet she slacked off on buying

the junk in huge quantities. About a month ago my fiance and I

wanted to go back on Atkins and 'asked' the aunt if we could clear a

spot in the freezer and fridge for our stuff. She said, " Well, you

might find room in there now, but I can't promise it will be there

later " and she laughed. We tried, and on the second day on the diet

she came home and packed the fridge and freezer again. We went off

the diet, and she slacked off on the buying.

The house is still FULL of garbage (OMG you've NO idea), which is

what I mean by it looks like a convenient store here. But as far as

alztheimers.. no, not by a long shot. This woman is sharp as a tack

and is pretty shrewd about her tactics when she plays this game.

Anyway, that's pretty much the way she is. Now her mother has

altzheimers and is in a nursing home.

Ella

[Guest guest]

I'm glad to know that she is 'all right' in that regard.

It's so hard when the people who try to derail and sabotage you the

most are the ones who are living under the same roof. My sister-in-

law makes really rude comments all the time about my weight (she

complained that she was a gross ugly fat beast when she gained 5

pounds -- which brought her total weight to 100lbs) but I have the

advantage of being able to leave and come home.

And unfortunately when in these situations, it's not as easy as

going out and buying one of those dorm-sized fridges to store our

own food (#1 They're pricey -- #2 They hold didly-squat) And it's

doubly hard when it's their house " I'm being GRACIOUS enough to let

you stay here ... how DARE you accuse me of being selfish and

unkind! "

I wish I had some advice for you (hey, win the lottery! lol) but I

don't, so I'm not even going to pretend.

In terms of being depressed about everything, take some paper and

write EVERYTHING that comes to mind ... whether it's obscenities you

want to direct at people but are 'too nice' to, or just complaining

about life in general. Then -- here's the fun part -- BURN IT!

There's something kinda soothing about watching all of these

thoughts go up in flames ... and because they were written down, a

little bit of the burden may be lifted. (I have Bipolar -- manic

depression -- so I've been there, done that)

Okay, so maybe I *did* have a bit of advice. Here's bit more ...

burn it when no-one is around, and make sure you have some water

nearby!

Kara (a member of the 'held it too long and burned my finger' club!)

[Guest guest]

Kara, you really are a doll, and you make me laugh. )

Good advice!

Ella

[Guest guest]

> and she's

> constantly saying her thighs look fat, etc. (she's a twig).

I know a lot of people like that, unfortunately.

She does

> eat a SIGNIFICANT amount of junk food and rarely eats real food at

> all.

My hubby's 80+ yo aunt is like that, too, and like yours, she's *always*

been. Her and her sister, my m-i-l. used to say they were the opposit of

Jack Sprat & wife, cuz my m-i-l, always chubby her whole life, was always on

a diet, and the sister was always thin and eating sweets. When we go to her

house she spends hours making these big meals, eats maybe 2 bites and says

she's full, then eats half a cheesecake, 2 pastries and a dish of ice cream.

>and she's a total pack-rat and always has been.

Many Great Depression survivors are the same.

>

> She can't throw anything away, even if it's obvious garbage (broken

> furniture that is broken in pieces or rotting, for starters).

You never know when you need a table leg or drawer handle, ya know. LOL

She

> has cupboards full of old towels, etc. that she's had for some 20

> years,

Hey! A lot of *my* towels are over 26 years old (wedding gift). Okay, so

some of them are pretty threadbare, but they're still good enough for

shampoos or mopping up big spills instead of going through a roll of paper

towels.

>and she'll dig stuff from the trash, wash it and keep it

> downstairs... even if it's never touched again.

So? I grew up with 2 grandfather who did this, and my kid's favorite rocking

chair as a kid came from someone's trash. Right now I have 2 bookcases and a

tv tray that we " rescued " . Dumpster Diving is a favored activty amongst the

truly frugal. LOL

> The family says she never used to keep the fridge full EVER,

and now

>She inevitably left no room

> for real food in the fridge. None, and when you opened the door you

> had to do it carefully or stuff would fall out.

This is a big change in her behavior, and maybe you should somehow make her

doctor aware of it, if you can. If she was always this way, no problem, but

it's these *changes* in behavior to watch for, especially at her age.

>We went off

> the diet, and she slacked off on the buying.

This, too, is pretty bizarre behavior.

> The house is still FULL of garbage (OMG you've NO idea),

Oh, yes I do! My m-i-l's house was packed from basement to her place with

junk. One whole room you couldn't open the door or stuff would fall on you.

It took us almost a year and 2 big dumpsters after she died to get rid of it

all. When the Alzheimers and leukemia got bad and we had to move her in with

us, we made sure to bring over a few boxes of her favorite " treasures " so

she would feel at home. As long as she saw her stuff he didn't even realize

she wasn't even in her own home.

>This woman is sharp as a tack

> and is pretty shrewd about her tactics when she plays this game.

My m-i-l couldn't dress or feed herself, yet she could do complicated math

problems in her head, recite poetry she learned as a kid, and knew the names

of every relative and their spouse and kids and grandkids.

Just keep your eyes open. Just because her mother is worse than she is

doesn't mean she isn't starting to show symptoms, herself, especially if

she's chronically undernourished. It may not even be Alzheimer's but anemia

or nutritional deficiencies making her act stranger than usual.

Sue in NJ