Guest guest Posted May 17, 1999 Report Share Posted May 17, 1999 God Bless You ,I know just what your going through.e(age 6 the 29th of may)did the same thing ,but with zolft.For 6 months she was symptom free.(on 25 mg. of zolft). When the symptoms started to come back the DR.had her up to 100mg.of zolft.She was VERY much a different person. I made the decision that if I had to be in the house 24hrs w/ a naked little girl ,who had to stay in the bath tub,it was better than a child NO one liked or could control.We took her down from zolt( and it got BAD)she stayed in the bath tub almost all day ,couldn't use a towel to dry off and much more. She is now taking 10mg. of paxil and the real e is back.It took a long time from start to now ,but yesterday she had underpants on for a few hrs. It's a hard a scary thing to go through and the decision is yours. I'm not fancy with words ,but I can tell you this ,bad behavior brings on allot of other problems. e did the sweet thing,don't answering when spoken to, talk to the DR. about different meds. God BLESS , Beth in IN PS e is sweet again. Re: discouraged > From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...> > > Hi list, > > I'm just writing tonight because I'm so discouraged. As I write I'm looking through tears. We've been battling OCD since October now and every time I think I see some light at the end of > the tunnel we fall two or three or four steps back. > > Our daugher, andra, (5 yrs.) responds very well to Prozac, OCD-wise. Unfortunately, every increase in her dosage turns her into a different person. She's just one week on a higher dose > now and is hyper, obnoxious, uncaring, oppositional. She doesn't answer when spoken to and has only three concerns: trading Pokemon cards, playing with friends and eating sweets. (We > literally have to force her to spend time with us and she makes it clear that it's a drag.) Her personality has completely disappeared, along with many of her OCD symptoms. I just feel > forever trapped between two horrible choices - watching my baby suffer, or living with this completely unpleasant, strange behaving person who I don't know and can't control. > > Can anyone else relate? I'm scheduled to talk with her doctor tomorrow. > > Take care all, > Lesli > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Looking for a new hobby? Want to make a new friend? > > Come join one of the nearly 150,000 e-mail communities at ONElist! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 1999 Report Share Posted May 17, 1999 Hi list, I'm just writing tonight because I'm so discouraged. As I write I'm looking through tears. We've been battling OCD since October now and every time I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel we fall two or three or four steps back. Our daugher, andra, (5 yrs.) responds very well to Prozac, OCD-wise. Unfortunately, every increase in her dosage turns her into a different person. She's just one week on a higher dose now and is hyper, obnoxious, uncaring, oppositional. She doesn't answer when spoken to and has only three concerns: trading Pokemon cards, playing with friends and eating sweets. (We literally have to force her to spend time with us and she makes it clear that it's a drag.) Her personality has completely disappeared, along with many of her OCD symptoms. I just feel forever trapped between two horrible choices - watching my baby suffer, or living with this completely unpleasant, strange behaving person who I don't know and can't control. Can anyone else relate? I'm scheduled to talk with her doctor tomorrow. Take care all, Lesli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 1999 Report Share Posted May 17, 1999 Hi Lesli, Does the change that andra experiences with each increase in dosage disappear after a specific period of time? I have seen references to increases in dosage causing temporary side effects. I hope this current anomaly is short-lived. Take care. Louis louisharkins_4@... ICQ: 38330756 Voicemail: 1-888-835-3268 Ext. 30071 Fax: 1-408-293-2266 Ext. 30071 /subscribe/ and /subscribe/ocdandhomeschooling _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. Visit http://www.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 1999 Report Share Posted May 17, 1999 Hi Lesli, yes I can relate to feeling trapped between two unhappy choices--most of what you write about andra is true of my 5-year-old daughter too, the meds make her a little more at ease ocd-wise but obliterate her personality. Everything she does and says, says " not right, not her " to me. It's a constant reminder of the disorder and makes even small " vacations " from ocd hard to come by. In the few months since her ocd started she's lost her sunny, bright, outgoing personality and become an unpleasant, difficult, and miserable child who I can't wait to put to bed each night. Then of course I feel crushing guilt for feeling this way because none of this is her fault, or anyone's fault. Dealing with this disorder takes almost inhuman patience I'm finding. I'm glad your daughter's ocd symptoms are responding to Prozac--that's some hope. Kel's been on higher doses of SSRI's than andra for a longer time (I think, from some of your posts) and what I have noticed is that for a couple of weeks following each dose increase things get really bleak. Sleeping problems, attitude problems, behavioral problems, worse ocd symptoms, but then each time they have slowly resolved to livable levels. When we are in the midst of these periods, the problems seem insurmountable and things seem hopeless. Hopefully you are just in one of these bleak times when it's difficult to see past the current situation. I'm thinking of you tonight. I hope tomorrow is a better day for both you and your daughter. Kathy R. in Indiana Re: discouraged > From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...> > > Hi list, > > I'm just writing tonight because I'm so discouraged. As I write I'm looking through tears. We've been battling OCD since October now and every time I think I see some light at the end of > the tunnel we fall two or three or four steps back. > > Our daugher, andra, (5 yrs.) responds very well to Prozac, OCD-wise. Unfortunately, every increase in her dosage turns her into a different person. She's just one week on a higher dose > now and is hyper, obnoxious, uncaring, oppositional. She doesn't answer when spoken to and has only three concerns: trading Pokemon cards, playing with friends and eating sweets. (We > literally have to force her to spend time with us and she makes it clear that it's a drag.) Her personality has completely disappeared, along with many of her OCD symptoms. I just feel > forever trapped between two horrible choices - watching my baby suffer, or living with this completely unpleasant, strange behaving person who I don't know and can't control. > > Can anyone else relate? I'm scheduled to talk with her doctor tomorrow. > > Take care all, > Lesli > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Looking for a new hobby? Want to make a new friend? > > Come join one of the nearly 150,000 e-mail communities at ONElist! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 1999 Report Share Posted May 17, 1999 I wish you luck with the Dr. appt. Maybe things can get worked out with her Meds. It sounds like you know what your daughter likes and I hope you are able to use it to everyones advantage. Win/Win situations are great. Maybe part of a behavior plan would include fun family time with a reward of one of the things she likes to do. Being 5 you have alot of time ahead. Just know that you are doing the best you can. If I knew at 5 why my child was behaving the way he was, things might be different now.of corse his OCD didn't get full bore until 12y/o. Hang in there! Vivian in wa st _____________________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 1999 Report Share Posted May 18, 1999 Hi Lesli and Kathy: What you are describing is very familiar to us. Steve had lots of behavioral side effects when he was titrating up on his Paxil. Often it felt like we were living with an amazingly unpleasant stranger. I can relate really well to the feeling of guilt when not " liking " one's child because of their difficult behaviors. Their neediness, often manifested as obnoxious, bratty, nasty behavior can require saintly forbearance on the part of parents. Sometimes I would get into self pity as to why was there so much suffering in my life and then this OCD situation too. It was part of a downhill spiral which luckily was redirected by my desperation to find a good therapist. Please hang in there, sometimes all we can try to think is " this too will pass " even though that seems like a faint hope at the time. It took about 1.5 years of aggressive treatment and family effort to turn things around to where they are now. At the time I never thought we could be where we are today. Steve is once more a fun, charming, interested in all around him, laughing boy. Please have a lot of hope that things will improve and I am sure that soon you will be surprised at how andra is doing when she adjusts to the meds. You might want to look into going up more slowly on the dosage as this might reduce the side effects. One of the things that really helped when Steve was like this was to learn from his psychiatrist that these BSEs and worsening of symptoms and behavior are a sign that the medication will be effective when their young bodies adjust. This seemed incredible to me at the time but was proven true after at least 12 weeks at the highest dosage. Take care, aloha, Kathy (H) kathyh@... At 11:49 PM 5/17/99 -0500, you wrote: >From: " Kathy " <klr@...> > >Hi Lesli, yes I can relate to feeling trapped between two unhappy >choices--most of what you write about andra is true of my 5-year-old >daughter too, the meds make her a little more at ease ocd-wise but >obliterate her personality. Everything she does and says, says " not right, >not her " to me. It's a constant reminder of the disorder and makes even >small " vacations " from ocd hard to come by. In the few months since her ocd >started she's lost her sunny, bright, outgoing personality and become an >unpleasant, difficult, and miserable child who I can't wait to put to bed >each night. Then of course I feel crushing guilt for feeling this way >because none of this is her fault, or anyone's fault. > >Dealing with this disorder takes almost inhuman patience I'm finding. I'm >glad your daughter's ocd symptoms are responding to Prozac--that's some >hope. Kel's been on higher doses of SSRI's than andra for a longer time >(I think, from some of your posts) and what I have noticed is that for a >couple of weeks following each dose increase things get really bleak. >Sleeping problems, attitude problems, behavioral problems, worse ocd >symptoms, but then each time they have slowly resolved to livable levels. >When we are in the midst of these periods, the problems seem insurmountable >and things seem hopeless. > >Hopefully you are just in one of these bleak times when it's difficult to >see past the current situation. I'm thinking of you tonight. I hope >tomorrow is a better day for both you and your daughter. > >Kathy R. in Indiana > > Re: discouraged > > >> From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...> >> >> Hi list, >> >> I'm just writing tonight because I'm so discouraged. As I write I'm >looking through tears. We've been battling OCD since October now and every >time I think I see some light at the end of >> the tunnel we fall two or three or four steps back. >> >> Our daugher, andra, (5 yrs.) responds very well to Prozac, OCD-wise. >Unfortunately, every increase in her dosage turns her into a different >person. She's just one week on a higher dose >> now and is hyper, obnoxious, uncaring, oppositional. She doesn't answer >when spoken to and has only three concerns: trading Pokemon cards, playing >with friends and eating sweets. (We >> literally have to force her to spend time with us and she makes it clear >that it's a drag.) Her personality has completely disappeared, along with >many of her OCD symptoms. I just feel >> forever trapped between two horrible choices - watching my baby suffer, or >living with this completely unpleasant, strange behaving person who I don't >know and can't control. >> >> Can anyone else relate? I'm scheduled to talk with her doctor tomorrow. >> >> Take care all, >> Lesli >> >> >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> Looking for a new hobby? Want to make a new friend? >> >> Come join one of the nearly 150,000 e-mail communities at ONElist! >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit >their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom >support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html >> > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >With more than 17 million e-mails exchanged daily... > >...ONElist is THE place where the world talks! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 To all, Many thanks to all of you who responded with encouragement. I've been so upset that I haven't even looked at my email for days; I'm just catching up. To anwer Louis' question: andra does seem to mellow out on the BSE's after several weeks, at least she did at lower doses. However, there is no doubt that on Prozac she is a different person. I haven't seen the person she once was for at least a year now. Thanks very much for your support, it really helps. Take care, Lesli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Hi Lesli: This is so hard - coping with the feeling that we have lost the child we once had. I told my therapist that I felt my son had died and I got a different kid back in his place, one that looks just like him, but does not behave like him. and one that is hard to like. Please know that the person that andra is is still there. She is just covered up a bit with the OCD. After a long, hard struggle my Stevie has come out again, almost two years after he crashed and burned and fell to earth (that is how we describe when OCD came to stay at our house). He smiles, laughs, is mischievious, enjoys life, is managing very well, still has very few friends, and is getting better by leaps and bounds every day. If this could happen to him, who was severe with his OCD, this can happen to your andra too. Keep the faith, hang in there, take care, aloha, Kathy (H) kathyh@... At 11:11 PM 5/19/99 -0700, you wrote: >From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...> > >To all, > >Many thanks to all of you who responded with encouragement. I've been so upset that I haven't even looked at my email for days; I'm just catching up. > >To anwer Louis' question: andra does seem to mellow out on the BSE's after several weeks, at least she did at lower doses. However, there is no doubt that on Prozac she is a different >person. I haven't seen the person she once was for at least a year now. > >Thanks very much for your support, it really helps. > >Take care, >Lesli > > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >ONElist: bringing the world together. > >Join a new list today! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 While reading this I realized that while our children have so many similarities, this feeling that you have lost your child and a new one has taken their place is one I have not had. This is truly a tough one and I sympathisize with you. My experience with Ava has been somewhat the opposite. I believe she had OCD as a baby, and perhaps depression too. She never outgrew the inflexibility and neediness for things to be just so that a high needs baby usually has and then outgrows. It wasn't until she first took zoloft when she was 9 that I got a glimpse of who she could be. Unfortunately after 3 months she had side effects and had to stop taking it. Since then we have been trying other meds to find that person again. Paxil comes close but it's not as good as those 3 months. Our children are " in there " somewhere. I'm glad we have each other on this list to talk about these feelings. Dana in NC Kathy Hammes wrote: > From: Kathy Hammes <kathyh@...> > > Hi Lesli: > > This is so hard - coping with the feeling that we have lost the child we > once had. I told my therapist that I felt my son had died and I got a > different kid back in his place, one that looks just like him, but does not > behave like him. and one that is hard to like. > > Please know that the person that andra is is still there. She is just > covered up a bit with the OCD. After a long, hard struggle my Stevie has > come out again, almost two years after he crashed and burned and fell to > earth (that is how we describe when OCD came to stay at our house). He > smiles, laughs, is mischievious, enjoys life, is managing very well, still > has very few friends, and is getting better by leaps and bounds every day. > If this could happen to him, who was severe with his OCD, this can happen > to your andra too. Keep the faith, hang in there, take care, aloha, > Kathy (H) > kathyh@... > > At 11:11 PM 5/19/99 -0700, you wrote: > >From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...> > > > >To all, > > > >Many thanks to all of you who responded with encouragement. I've been so > upset that I haven't even looked at my email for days; I'm just catching up. > > > >To anwer Louis' question: andra does seem to mellow out on the BSE's > after several weeks, at least she did at lower doses. However, there is no > doubt that on Prozac she is a different > >person. I haven't seen the person she once was for at least a year now. > > > >Thanks very much for your support, it really helps. > > > >Take care, > >Lesli > > > > > > > > > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >ONElist: bringing the world together. > > > >Join a new list today! > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit > their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom > support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html > > > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Looking for a new hobby? Want to make a new friend? > > Come join one of the nearly 150,000 e-mail communities at ONElist! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The is sponsored by the OCSDA. You may visit their web site at http://www.ocdhelp.org/ and view schedules for chatroom support at http://www.ocdhelp.org/chat.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2000 Report Share Posted March 11, 2000 , I can relate to being discouraged by those scales. I have been weighing myself once a week over the last few weeks since I started Lifelift. I have been able to go down though but I know how it feels to see it go up. Like so many said, there could be so many reasons why. Don't beat yourself up because we all go through it. I like what Tami had to say about our bodies healing before we lose those inches and lbs. I know my hips will not release any of that extra fat!!! LOL! But I know there is no rush and I am just taking it one day at a time. There are so many other benefits to Lifelift than just losing inches. I have a better attitude and I have truly made a commitment to living a better and healthier lifestyle. I am developing a nice little routine for myself by doing Lifelift twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. I find it so relaxing and calming sometimes that I even take a few breaths in the office :-). I am happier and happier all of the time and I don't really think about getting discouraged now. I have all of you to inspire me :-). Thanks, Michele S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2000 Report Share Posted March 11, 2000 Hi Michele, It was so great for you to write this to . I love that you and Tami and others have jumped in to offer her encouragement. It is so important to support one another. We all know what it feels like to be discouraged, to expect too much of ourselves and be disappointed. It is touching that everyone responds and reaches out to help. You are all so good. I love it! Rashelle You are welcome to visit us at http://www.angelmagic.com or http://www.lifelift.comjoin our discussion group at LifeLift-subscribeonelist Re:Discouraged From: Michele Sheeran <sheeranj@...> ,I can relate to being discouraged by those scales. I have been weighingmyself once a week over the last few weeks since I started Lifelift. Ihave been able to go down though but I know how it feels to see it goup. Like so many said, there could be so many reasons why. Don't beatyourself up because we all go through it. I like what Tami had to sayabout our bodies healing before we lose those inches and lbs. I know myhips will not release any of that extra fat!!! LOL! But I know there isno rush and I am just taking it one day at a time. There are so manyother benefits to Lifelift than just losing inches. I have a betterattitude and I have truly made a commitment to living a better andhealthier lifestyle. I am developing a nice little routine for myselfby doing Lifelift twice a day, once in the morning and once in theevening. I find it so relaxing and calming sometimes that I even takea few breaths in the office :-). I am happier and happier all of thetime and I don't really think about getting discouraged now. I have allof you to inspire me :-).Thanks,Michele S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2000 Report Share Posted March 26, 2000 Hi , I can relate to how you were feeling. I felt this way when I hit a plateau with Bodyflex and I couldn't lose. I tried LL but I was skeptical. I loved the instructional video when I got it and I couldn't believe the workout I got. I have lost more inches and lbs with Lifelift plus I have the support of this list and Rashelle. Plus I don't feel like I am hacking up a lung with this program. The inch loss will come when it's time. Don't worry about the scale too much because your body is adjusting. Just look at the extra energy the breathing gives you and the better attitude. It's a great thing that you went horse back riding again. Just look at those things and the rest will come in time. You are a great lady!!!!!!!! Thank you, Michele S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2000 Report Share Posted August 24, 2000 " amazed " , hi there, my response is very long, I hope its not boring! Your life is very familiar to me. My son Tom was, and can be, like your son. Perhaps if I tell you what we've done for tom it might help you make some decisions: >>He has many of the usual symptoms of ocd, but the ones causing the most >>disruption in his and everyone else's life are the contamination fears, >>the strong need to control others, high anxiety levels, rages, and of >>course the side effects of meds. << Remembering that I am not a doctor, but it sounds like the zoloft is working for his ocd symptoms but that his depression is leading his life. BOth tom and his father take a combination of medications to deal with ocd and with depression. Personally, I would ask the doc about augmenting the zoloft with another medication for the depression (efexor, wellbutin, any of the newer meds with less side effects). Respiradol can help with the rages, but we found that dealing with tom's depression and frustration in his life helped more - he would rage at school, home, anywhere - and physical attacks were his norm. The respiradol made him dopey, calmer, but if he wanted to have a fight - nothing stopped him! Tom always wanted to control others! Since he was a little guy we would say to him: " Thanks Tom, but we're the parents! " We tried all kinds of gentle and then less gentle reminders of who is in charge. Time outs (broke the doors), taking away things (found others), etc.! Tom's bedroom is in the basement - sending him there usually helped, but the act of physcially making him go down the stairs was so hard! We tried the route of sending him to a crisis centre for 'out of control kids' for 5 days, but this was for us to have recpite and had no effect on him. In fact - he saw this as a challenge! The hospital wouldnt take him because he was too violent. What we learned to do was to be very firm. Stand by our decisions, and not let him use his illness's as a crutch. We even wrote down rules and consequences so he couldnt confuse us! Tom would " attend " his psychiatrist appoitments, but wouldnt cooperate with psychologists, youth workers, etc. This in fact is an issue we are still dealing with. When tom was 15 and he was attacking us, playing with his meds (taking not taking) and so out of control of himself that we, once again, pleaded for help from childrens services. Tom has 2 younger sisters also with ocd/depression. As in the past, they turned us down. So - we brought tom to the hospital, and left the country until the childrens services was forced to take him into care. He was with them for one year: He stayed at one group home for 6 months, and only left after he was charged with assualting a staff member, we had to call the Childrens Advocate in Toronto to intervene, and was treated like a bad kid nad not a sick kid. The staff refused to learn anything on simple cbt. The second group home was better - but as tom became more comfortable, and the group home's staff turned over more frequently ( a common thing in group homes where the pay is minimum and the training is non excistant), things built up again. I blame their inadequate and inefficient staff for sending him to jail for 5 days - rather than dealing with tom as an individual. Interesting to note is that the judge refused to let childrens services give up their custody because they had done such a bad job! The judge felt they owed us something - anything!! We argued that childrens services care had been detrimental to tom's wellbeing and that their 'care' is not to tom's best interest! In short - 12 months of that was enough and we brought him home under specific conditions: He must take part in family chores - he is not a guest He must follow all conditions of his parole (take meds, attend appoitments, behave in an orderly fashion, attend school, community service,....) He must make his own appoitments and get there on his own When he is asked to leave a room, he must go or he wil be asked to leave the house (short term) We have a designated Safe Place, my uncles house. When he's told to go there he has to go or we have the police take him (which we did once) Btw, all of the side effects you mention: weight gain, food cravings, dizziness, perspiring, agitation, effect tom. He takes clomipramine and serzone. Ziv, 11, takes zoloft (until recently she took 200mg) and can not sleep without taking trazadone at night. She will be wide awake waiting to sleep unless she takes it! Friendships are so important. Tom switched schools in grade 10, to an alternate program (1 course at a time) and has slowly found some new friends (funnily enough, most are also accessing the mental health system)! I try and keep a schedule with an " In your room time " at night. I found that a routine helped him go to sleep (in his room by 10, and he ususally has lights out by 10:30.) He likes to put a few drops of lavender on his pillow to help relax. >>The REAL him? Loving, kind, gentle with children and animals, intelligent, >>and loves a good joke. Thrives on seeing, and sometimes making, people >>laugh. Sometimes gets carried away, repetitive, but is slowly learning >>social cues and boundaries.<< This too describes tom!! He is considering a career in Early Childhood Education or Child and Youth Worker. >>My husband is retreating further and further away. He doesn't know how to >>cope. He has made a concerted effort at times to get close and then is >>disappointed and retreats again. Last night he totally lost it and got >>into a physical confrontation with our son. Our son doesn't know when to >>quit. He will push and pursue until everyone is at a breaking point.<< Unfortunatly, this too is familiar. Do you and your husband have a chance to talk with someone? your own counsellors? Tom used to get a thrill out of knocking his father down (me too, btw). We were told by " professionals " to restrain tom on the floor until he was calm - this is a kid with contamination issues - calm was not in his vocabulary while on the floor! THere were times that I didnt know who was the worst bully since they took out their frustration on each other. The last time tom tried to engage his father in a physcial confrontation, I warned them that the police would take them both out of here!! I also made going to a therapist or psychiatrist a condition for dad too! Tom's behaviour terrifies his sisters. the 14yo thinks he should " get over it " , but the 11 yo is so afraid of him. She shows all the signs of an abused child (always trying to please, avoiding confrontation, ...) on top of her own anxieties! I have made it very clear that my loyalties are towards a safe place - and no one deserves the abuse! I am not as strong as I might come off here - but its been a few years of hell for us - and humour, stepping back and being objective, and recongnizing limitiation have been very helpful for me. I have been on anti-D's for years, and they help, but considering situations at environmental and temporary have helped me lower my dose significantly! Please, feel free to write to me on or off list. I know its tough. Where do you live? take care, wendy, in canada wb4@... ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2000 Report Share Posted August 24, 2000 Margie, Give it some time and you'll get responses. I know how discouraging meds. can be. believe me. Our daughter was rediagnosed with Bipolar this year with OCD. And we have been through many med. changes and hospital visits ect. Now we are finally on the right track (I think I might of said that before!!) and lots of behavior therapy. I strongly recommend getting a copy of Dr. Chansky's new book Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - very very helpful. Hang in there. in PA PS - We too had been walking on egg shells for about four years!!! Very Stressful........... Discouraged sorry I guess I was too negative in my first post, to even get a reply. MargieYou may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives, Files, and Features List for the may be accessed by going to , enter your email address and password, then point and click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2000 Report Share Posted August 24, 2000 ----- Original Message ----- From: amazed sorry I guess I was too negative in my first post, to even get a reply. Margie Hi Margie, well everyone likes a positive, upbeat post but there's no rule (thankfully) that negative ones get ignored. :-) I think you'll find you get lots of input and help from those on this list, that's been my experience, but you may have to wait a bit. Some get the list in digest form. I don't usually get on in the morning, so I wouldn't normally have seen your post til evening, let alone had a chance to respond. Have all the interventions you mentioned in your first post been in place since your son's diagnosis at age 11? Many of us on this list have changed meds, doctors, counselors several times to find the mix that works. Be certain that E & RP is prominent, this therapy is your son's ticket to reduced OCD levels and medications--and their side-effects. I have read several times that depression must be brought under control first, before a child can begin serious work on OCD. SSRIs can poop out and this may be what is happening with your son, or the recent increase may not have had enough time to show a benefit, or Zoloft may not be the drug for your son--can you tell I share your frustration with the meds? Be sure your son's doctor and counselor are aware of the level of disruption OCD is causing in your home, ask for specific approaches to address the rages and the OCD behaviors that are causing the most trouble. I have found keeping a journal very helpful. I list my daughter's various problems (anxiety, tics, etc.) and rank them on a scale 1-5 nearly daily. I also note things such as dose increases, special circumstances, and so on. This helps me communicate with her doctor, plus provides an accurate view of symptoms levels over time and keeps my disasterizing to a minimum. It also helps me notice improvements. My daughter's counselor told me early on that "high expressed emotion" exacerbated OCD and over time I have found this is true. Your family may benefit from working to cool down your reactions to OCD behaviors. Your husband, for ex., needs to plan ahead how he will react, next time OCD is pushing hard at him, to avoid a physical confrontation which is unhelpful for everyone. It's the OCD that doesn't know when to quit. You say you are all stuck in a rut of negative patterns, and that you are tired of being the peacekeeper. Have you considered parenting or family counseling? Kathy H. on this list tells how a dramatic change in her and her husband's parenting style was a necessary part of their son's improvement. (((Hugs Margie))) I am sorry things are so rough for your son and your family right now. I know when OCD is huge it's difficult to maintain a perspective and life is pretty bleak. Keep in mind your real son, the one you described in your post as funny, intelligent, warm. He's still in there and you will have him back with the proper combination of meds and therapy to help him beat back the OCD. Finding the solutions can be exhausting I agree, but so is living with out-of-control OCD. Hope I helped, Kathy R. in Indiana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2000 Report Share Posted August 26, 2000 Hello Amazed, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. Hang in there and know that you are not alone. Hope you can take heart in the fact that there are many families on this list who have been to rock bottom and courageously made it back (as apparent from their posts). I second the replies and suggestions others have made. It sounds like your son has all the complexity that comorbidity of OCD, TS, rage attacks and possibly some mood lability brings with it. This makes it particularly challenging in that treatment approaches need to be so much more tailored to your child's and family's unique needs--there's no recipe that works for all. I would add a couple of things: It appears to me that your fuel tank is running on E and so YOU need a break. YOU need to take care of yourself at this point. Remember that when you are drained and depleted, you have nothing left to give your family. Mothers often feel the responsibility of holding it together for everyone, with the fear that the family will fall apart if they don't. The fact is, if the foundation is shaky, the building is at greater risk of collapsing. My recommendations: 1. Replenish your own strength and build your own reserves back again. 2. Your husband needs a break too, and a refueling. 3. Accept that things are rough, allow yourself to have all the pent-up "negative" emotions--grief, anger, rage, resentment. 4. Accept that you can't contribute much to the family right now because you are at your limit 5. Recognize your need for self-revival, find ways to bring your body and mind back to a "rested" state via "pleasant activities"---things you find relaxing, enjoyable, fun for YOU to do (not for the others) 6. Do at least one small "self-soothing" thing for YOURSELFeveryday--can even be a 15-minute thing. My own favorite is a cup of tea alone, with my feet up. 7. Build or use your existing social support system--friends or family to talk to, vent, confide in, get perspective 8. Find a therapist (if you don't already have one) who can help you with your own needs, heal yourself. Then, when you find that you have more fuel: 9. You and your husband seek therapy together to focus on building back your strength together, and to work on "re-parenting" issues (this is when you have to redefine your parenting skills thanks to OCD) 10. Develop a behavioral plan--SAFETY & RESPECT rules-- for handling your son's behavior (remember, no one in the family deserves to live in fear of harm or danger, and neither OCD nor anything else justifies violence). You may need to have some fairly serious consequences for violence that apply to all in the family. 11. Ask your therapist to dedicate some of the sessions to the parenting issues, building the parental unified front and family therapy. A good behavior therapist will also help you work through the parenting issues of OCD. Then getting to your son: 1. Try to find ways to bring out the Real Him as much as possible--notice, compliment the good qualities, give him opportunities to exercise those skills. 2. Spend You and Me Alone (YAMA) time with him everyday--this is at least 15 mins a day with no agenda at all except being together in a totally positive way. To parents who say, "But I have other kids and so many things to do, where am I going to find the time?" I reply, "You're spending that time (and much more) on him anyway, except that it's all negative--just take 15 mins of that time and change it to positive. You'll spend it with him one way or the other--wouldn't you rather it's positive? 4. Negotiate a behavioral plan in conjuction with your therapist, focusing on nurturing his strengths. 5. Make sure you have a therapist who knows CBT for OCD and works closely with parents around parenting issues, also who understands all the complexity of comorbidity. Hope this is helpful. Hang in there, Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D. Discouraged Hello everyone. I am not really a new member per se, as I subscribed in the past but was only an occasional lurker due to many demands on my time, and didn't really feel like I had much to offer the list, so I didn't post much. I am feeling so drained right now. I guess I should introduce myself. I am the mother of a now 16 year old son w/ocd, adhd and likely tourettes. He was diagnosed when he was almost 11 years old. He has many of the usual symptoms of ocd, but the ones causing the most disruption in his and everyone else's life are the contamination fears, the strong need to control others, high anxiety levels, rages, and of course the side effects of meds. He is presently on 150 mg Zoloft, recently increased by 50 mg, and .5 mg of Risperdal. The Zoloft caused major insomnia as well as headaches and we tried a number of other drugs like clonidine, imovane, etc. to try to induce sleepiness at night but to no avail. He was previously on Luvox, a couple of years ago, and previous to that imiprimine. I have to say, I'm beginning to loath medication as I see very little benefit but much in the way of side effects. (Yes I know all about the fact that meds usually only help 40-60 %, however I think that is a little inflated.) There's always the headaches, the nausea, the perspiring, the WEIGHT GAIN, the food cravings,the dizziness, the agitation. I'm sorry, my first post is going to appear very NEGATIVE as that is the way I feel right now. I am so tired of the rages. They are so draining. They only come about 1-2 times a month when really severe, but we all walk on eggshells the rest of the month so as to not provoke one. I am tired of the hold that ocd has on everyone in the family. I am tired of being a peacekeeper. We are all stuck in a rut of negative patterns. I am tired of trying to find solutions. I have many books. Herb Gravitz's, March's, Lee Baer's all of which have been invaluable sources of information. What gets in the way of improvement in our situation? Why does it seem never-ending? Is it ever going to get better? Our son is getting some clinical help via a youth counsellor funded by the ministry of children and families AND we have privately hired someone else who is very familiar with ocd and its' treatment. All the while he sinks deeper and deeper in depression and more and more controlling and angry. His one very close friend moved away, now he has limited social contact with one or two acquaintances. He is very jealous of his sister. She has many friends and lives an active out-going life. He views her as perfect. He feels she never gets into trouble, never does anything wrong. She is favored. She tenses up when he walks in the room and is very resentful of his harsh remarks and controlling behaviours. The REAL him? Loving, kind, gentle with children and animals, intelligent, and loves a good joke. Thrives on seeing, and sometimes making, people laugh. Sometimes gets carried away, repetitive, but is slowly learning social cues and boundaries. How do other parents cope? My husband is retreating further and further away. He doesn't know how to cope. He has made a concerted effort at times to get close and then is disappointed and retreats again. Last night he totally lost it and got into a physical confrontation with our son. Our son doesn't know when to quit. He will push and pursue until everyone is at a breaking point. Over what? That our daughter went on the computer without asking and we didn't make a big issue about it. He is obsessed with catching her doing something wrong and making sure we know about it. This is not the normal sibling rivlary. This has gone way beyond that. Where do we go from here? You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives, Files, and Features List for the may be accessed by going to , enter your email address and password, then point and click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 In a message dated 5/3/03 2:06:53 PM Central Daylight Time, mmmegan38@... writes: > Here is something else to consider... Why did you start this > program? I mean what is your personal reason? What have you acheived > in this program so far? How much have you changes>? How is this > program beneifical to you? Take some time to visualize where you > want to be. And what you can do differently when you get there>? > , that is exactly what I'm asking myself. Usually, I've been doing BFL for 2 1/2 years now, and when I get like this, there are other reasons. So I gotta go back and do some inner work. In the meantime, thanks for helping me. You have no idea how much this helps. Oh, I'm in Little Rock, AR. Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 Hey Robin, It is a lot easier to stay on track than it is to get back on track. A lot of the time you can usually make do with what is served at PTA luncheons or whatever. Learning to do this will help you transition into making this a way of life for the rest of your life to make sure the weight never returns and that you continue to progress fitness wise. Can you find out what is being served? It sounds rude but believe me I'd much rather save my a$$ than my face any day of the week. I ask rude food questions all the time, even the waiters at restaurants if the salmon has been " farmed. " (If it has it likely does not have the good fats that the cold water fish does because it is fed cereal instead of other fish). So find out before you go and that way you'll know whether or not you need to bring your own food. It is just constant preparation and being ahead of the curve all the time. Thinking about next week is not important if you can't make it through today. When next week gets here and you have six or seven previous clean days under your belt you might think about using one of those luncheons as your free day. Then you don't have to be anxious about it for a week. Hope some of this helps. You can do this, you just have to get off that cycle. Stasia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 I really know that feeling, but you can do it! I always used to start every Mondat and my Tues I blew it so I waited a whole week and ate more crap. Just do it!!! Ask yourself where you want to be next Monday do you want to say you should of done it or that YOU DID IT! Plan tonight for tomorrow and just start!!!! Bridgette > Well, I've been bad. Really bad. For like 2 weeks now. I gotta get back > with the program! My church and school activities are killing me. Not to > mention going out with friends and giving into temptation of adult beverages. > No, my lack of planning around them is what's killing me, I know. And > giving in every time. It's not like I haven't had this happen before and I > know I can get back, but I'm sitting here thinking about next week. > Teacher's Appreciation week. Our PTA has lunch planned for us every day, and > I'm going to look rude not eating with them, or pulling out my turkey burger > and sweet potato. But I'm going backwards in the middle of a challenge. And > I've even skipped workouts. It's gotten to be a viscious cycle. I eat crap, > so I feel like crap, so I don't work out. This is so not like me! Usually > when I cheat, I just get over it and don't do it again. But the last couple > of weeks, I've been cheating all the dang time. Help! I need a kick in the > butt. > > Robin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 When I don't eat what others are eating. (I'm a teacher too)I tell myself If you had a health problem and could only eat certain food, no one would thing you are rude. It's to keep you healthy and it's the same thing with BFL!!! If they think you are rude , give a freindly reason once and change the subject. After that it's their problem BridgetteIn , bflworkout@a... wrote: > Well, I've been bad. Really bad. For like 2 weeks now. I gotta get back > with the program! My church and school activities are killing me. Not to > mention going out with friends and giving into temptation of adult beverages. > No, my lack of planning around them is what's killing me, I know. And > giving in every time. It's not like I haven't had this happen before and I > know I can get back, but I'm sitting here thinking about next week. > Teacher's Appreciation week. Our PTA has lunch planned for us every day, and > I'm going to look rude not eating with them, or pulling out my turkey burger > and sweet potato. But I'm going backwards in the middle of a challenge. And > I've even skipped workouts. It's gotten to be a viscious cycle. I eat crap, > so I feel like crap, so I don't work out. This is so not like me! Usually > when I cheat, I just get over it and don't do it again. But the last couple > of weeks, I've been cheating all the dang time. Help! I need a kick in the > butt. > > Robin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 Hey Robin, Where do you live? In land? It is hard to plan ahead, but like you said it you can do it. No one will look down on you if you pass up something that is bad for you. Really. My kids go to a school and the teachers and staff are always getting junk stuff. And they sometimes say no thank you. It is ok... Just forgive your self and make it so you have to do your work outs. Like do it before anything else. OR go and buy something sexy or cool to work out in. I give my self a bribe, like if you make it thru this work out you can have a new pair of shoes, sneekers, work out gloves, I don't know what will work with you but try your best bribe techniques on your self. What works? Here is something else to consider... Why did you start this program? I mean what is your personal reason? What have you acheived in this program so far? How much have you changes>? How is this program beneifical to you? Take some time to visualize where you want to be. And what you can do differently when you get there>? Just some thoughts, MEgan > Well, I've been bad. Really bad. For like 2 weeks now. I gotta get back > with the program! My church and school activities are killing me. Not to > mention going out with friends and giving into temptation of adult beverages. > No, my lack of planning around them is what's killing me, I know. And > giving in every time. It's not like I haven't had this happen before and I > know I can get back, but I'm sitting here thinking about next week. > Teacher's Appreciation week. Our PTA has lunch planned for us every day, and > I'm going to look rude not eating with them, or pulling out my turkey burger > and sweet potato. But I'm going backwards in the middle of a challenge. And > I've even skipped workouts. It's gotten to be a viscious cycle. I eat crap, > so I feel like crap, so I don't work out. This is so not like me! Usually > when I cheat, I just get over it and don't do it again. But the last couple > of weeks, I've been cheating all the dang time. Help! I need a kick in the > butt. > > Robin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2003 Report Share Posted May 4, 2003 I will think positive thoughts for you and your cousin!!! Hang in there Bridgette > Thanks Bridgette, I'm gonna use that. It's true. And for me, this is a > health issue. I feel like crap when I'm not eating right. Speaking of > health, my cousin is in the hospital with pancreatitis, and they think she > may not make it. I looked on the internet and saw it's usually caused by too > much drinking, but she barely drinks. However, she is about 300 lbs and it's > also caused by high triglicerides which I'm sure if not caused by obesity, > has not been helped any. We've been worried about her health for years. I > hope she makes it through this. > > Robin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Robin, YOU CAN DO IT!!! Just get yourself back into the gym. Don't worry about offending anyone, tell them you have a health restriction regarding your meals and you hope they don't mind that you bring your own food. Life happens sometimes and we can't all be perfect all of the time. The reason we have little slips is too remember how to get back up on the horse and show everyone how well we can bounce back and thrive to meet the challenge. Think of how far you have come, what got you to this point and what makes you want to reach that goal! YOU CAN DO IT ROBIN!!!! xoxo Luv Tink bflworkout@... wrote: > Well, I've been bad. Really bad. For like 2 weeks now. I gotta get > back > with the program! My church and school activities are killing me. > Not to > mention going out with friends and giving into temptation of adult > beverages. > No, my lack of planning around them is what's killing me, I know. And > giving in every time. It's not like I haven't had this happen before > and I > know I can get back, but I'm sitting here thinking about next week. > Teacher's Appreciation week. Our PTA has lunch planned for us every > day, and > I'm going to look rude not eating with them, or pulling out my turkey > burger > and sweet potato. But I'm going backwards in the middle of a > challenge. And > I've even skipped workouts. It's gotten to be a viscious cycle. I > eat crap, > so I feel like crap, so I don't work out. This is so not like me! > Usually > when I cheat, I just get over it and don't do it again. But the last > couple > of weeks, I've been cheating all the dang time. Help! I need a kick > in the > butt. > > Robin > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2003 Report Share Posted May 5, 2003 Thanks Tink I've done a lot better today. No cheating on food. I know this is why it's called a challenge! But I'm up for it. Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2003 Report Share Posted May 17, 2003 Not that I have a whole lot of experience with BFL but with weight loss I have. DId you take pictures?! How are your measurements from day 1? Have someone unbiased help you out with an opinion. Post your pictures here, sometimes we won't see progress where others will because they aren't being as critical as we are to ourselves. That being said, I always give myself, " Well I'll go one more week and if I don't see results, I quit. " LOL, I never quit and I always end up seeing the results. I hope this helps! Stay outta the fridge! Tink whirllwindd wrote: > Hi all - I'm writing to whine and complain because if I don't i'm > going to go eat the entire contents of my refrigerator (ROFL). I am > almost done with my 4th week, and I don't see any results. I lost > some water weight gain in the first week, but I have not seen the > scale budge since, and I just took my measurements and I think my fat > got bigger from last week (lol). Ok i may be exagerating a little, my > pants are slightly fitting a little tiny bit better. I thought I > might be eating too much so I started watching my calories and i'm > eating between 1200 - and 1300 calories a day. I have missed about 5 > work outs since I started, but have been really giving it all i've > got. I managed to pass up chocolate eclaires today woo hoo for me. I > guess I'm discouraged because I have never had this much problem > losing weight before. A year ago i did the BLF for 6 weeks and lost > 10 pounds. I know I'm building muscles and all that, but i'm still > discouraged. I thought that i would see something after 4 weeks. > Anyone else feeling the same way right now? Anyone else been there > and have broken through? I could really use the encouragement. > Thanks all. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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