- post surgery depression

[Guest guest]

Hi , Once again: happy birthday!!! Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you. Of course I am in very close contact with Astrid and I know how she's feeling. My post surgery "depression" lays behind me now. I need to take care not to fall into a pre surgery "depression" -LOL-. In my case I really did not have any energy, fun or whatsoever after surgery. At first I felt sooooo ill for weeks and weeks. You can all be glad I wasn't on the board yet at that time -LOL-. But all of the sudden it changed. It was as if a button were pushed and things just turned around for me. I think the anesthesia (do I write it correctly, don't want to look it up now) plays a big part in all as well. Furthermore you have been through quite a lot. First before surgery and then the whole recovering part... The care for the kids put a strain on me as well, both before as after surgery. You want to do it yourself, you want to be that fun mummy, the one who's always there for them. I found it very hard not being able to be that person at that time. But, , things truly will change. You just need to give it time. Don't set yourself a date, don't make yourself crazy. Just give it time, you need time to heal both physically and mentally. And don't forget about Notan's post on this one, it being a natural thing caused by your body!!! It's very normal to go through this. This subject has just been brought up by a fellow achalasian on the German board yesterday as well!!! Maybe it helps both you, Astrid and all others that it's normal to feel the way you do. I think it might help me next year, should I have to go through that mental pain again. I am already dealing with some pre surgery blues myself. But I thank God for being

strong enough to let it go, to enjoy the moment and to look forward to a positive outcome of my upcoming surgery. I am really looking forward to 2nd July, getting my next Botox. But some days, I have just had it!!! I have those rotten days, that I keep driving myself crazy, thinking: should I go through with it; is it necessary; will it help me; what about the kids; am I being selfish; am I putting myself in too much danger; is it bad enough to go through with it; what am I doing to my family? And so on, I could write a whole page with these stupid questions. The next day I usually realise I simply have to hang in there and have to go for it. As you know the Botox was like honeymoon and gave me confidence and strength. It showed me why I am doing it all. Yet, now that it has almost completely worn off, I am back to thinking: can I not just go on like this??? But: I have made up my mind and I am going through with it all. It is just hard on me

sometimes. But, I won't let it get me down!!! I think about the positive side of it: in one year it will all be behind me and I'll be eating everything I want again (hello lovely apples!!!) and hopefully I'll have a spasm free life as of then. Should that not be the case, should it fail again, then I'll at least know I gave it a try and I took my last chance. Always seeing a bright light, or even just a small bright spot helps me so much. Dear , I hope you will be able to see that light as well, I hope that you at least see a very small bright spot in the dark. I know you are going to make it, the day will come that you hug your kids, smiling and being happy things worked out the way they just did. You've been through a lot, don't make it any harder on yourself by setting dates and goals already. Try to stay positive and please give it time. Love, Isabella

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