Jeanne re preschool

[Guest guest]

Hi Carol,

I just dropped my son off at his preschool. Before we even went to school he

kept telling me he wanted me to stay. I told him I will walk him to his

classroom and show him around and I will be back to pick him up. I told this

to his teacher yesterday that I was walking him to his classroom, which she

said was fine. This morning all the kids were in the front office and the

teacher came and she wanted just for to come without me and I said no

I will walk with him. She said I can walk him to the end of the hall.

is crying and holding on to my hand so tight. So she wouldn't let me go to

the classroom and is crying, I didn't say anything cause I would have

start crying and I didn't want to cry in front of my son. Of course I feel

terrible because I feel like I lied to him. Anyway I am still crying and

hoping he is doing good.

The reason I put him in this preschool was just for his speech. they told me

this is a really good program for speech. We also are involved in play groups

and church activities and he has a little brother and friends in the

neighborhood to play with. I didn't do this for him to be social, so many

people tell me this will be good for him to play with other kids. My main

concern is his speech. But he does also have trouble with letters and numbers

so I didn't know if this might be good for that. He gives up on learning

things real easy if it is to hard for him. When I seen the neurologist he

said that is part of Apraxia. It's hard for them to process information. So

if that is true I don't know if I should keep him in preschool or wait until

he is more ready and try and work at home with him.

is also very quiet and never has tantrums, he's pretty laid back so

I hope he doesn't just get unnoticed. I know some people have said on this

list they held there kids back before entering them in KG cause there weren't

ready. I was just curious why they felt there kids weren't ready. I don't

want to push to hard.

Sorry for all this rambling, I just want to do the best thing for my son and

any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeanne,

I feel for you! I well remember the agony of transitioning from our very

positive EI experience into the public school. I think I wrote a pretty long

post a couple of months ago about my son's preschool experience in the public

school. For more detail maybe you could look it up and read it in the archives?

(although I haven't really figured out how to do that myself yet, I must

confess....I am quite computer phobic heh heh)

Anyway, my advice is to GO WITH YOUR GUT.....after reading all the wonderful

tips and sites that were already recommended by so many on this listserve. My

son was not potty trained at all and the first WEEK of this new program they had

no changing facilities......the first day they had no soap or handtowels until I

said they should get some. Like 's son my son does not tantrum or cry much

and since the staff did not understand apraxia was left pretty much to himself.

The teacher could not remember names and was out to a conference the first day

of the second week. I could go on and on. The advice about separation anxiety

ASSUMES you are truly leaving your child in a safe place. The staff in this

program were young, enthusiastic, friendly, educated. They had a bright cheery

room with lots of nice equipment, etc. My gut, however, told me it wasn't a

safe helpful place for my son.....but due to societal pressure and wanting to be

a good mom and not wanting to fight and make a stink (I was told this was only

way he could get his therapy in the summer) I went ahead and followed the advice

on how to deal with separation anxiety and new things, etc. One day I picked

him up and he had another child's clothes on because they had used the pools in

the yard. The child's whose clothes he had on couldn't say they were his

because English was his second language. I thought, no big deal, it is a new

program, don't be too critical, give them a chance. THEN they could not find my

son's clothes for a FULL ten minutes!!!!!!!!!!!! while I waited with three other

children to pick him up. I still forgave and kept at it. During the second

week my son was finally able to tell me he was not thriving there......do you

know how? By developing a SEVERE facial eye tick, which we had never seen

before. We removed him immediately from the program.....only to be told about

four days later by the pediatricians office " it is probably tourettes syndrome " .

The next week I took him back to the program to get his " stuff " and to say

" goodbye " . As soon as we approached the door he began to get agitated and the

tic (which had decreased in frequency) increased in frequency immediately. I

reassured him I would be staying the whole time. We said goodbyes and watched

the kids' parade they were doing that day. When we left I emphasized that his

" school " was ALL DONE. By the end of that week his tic completely disappeared.

Sorry so long winded about this but obviously even three years later I am very

emotional about it. I did not follow my gut to begin with and so my son

suffered. Basically what I am trying to say is use your head then follow your

gut and most of all LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Because our children cannot

communicate like the average child we must know them well and be able to

interpret their behavior, always keeping in mind that they are children and do

not have an adult perspective. And again, my old refrain: weigh the " benefits "

of any so called " treatment " or " test " against " costs " you will pay (in my case

he needed absolutely no more socializing for a three yr. old: he attended a

weekly play group, attended Sunday School weekly, had an older brother and I did

child care in my home........what he needed was that THERAPY).

Okay, let me be quiet now. Carol

[Guest guest]

<<Basically what I am trying to say is use your head then follow your gut and

most of all LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD. Because our children cannot communicate

like the average child we must know them well and be able to interpret

their behavior, always keeping in mind that they are children and do not

have an adult perspective. And again, my old refrain: weigh the

" benefits " of any so called " treatment " or " test " against " costs " you will

pay (in my case he needed absolutely no more socializing for a three yr.

old: he attended a weekly play group, attended Sunday School weekly, had an

older brother and I did child care in my home........what he needed was

that THERAPY).

Okay, let me be quiet now. Carol>>

I just want to add a hearty " AMEN " !!! to what Carol has said. I have

already raised three typical children who are now in their early twenties.

I also have an almost 9 year old son with verbal dyspraxia. Looking back,

the biggest mistakes I have made were when I took the advice of " experts "

when it conflicted with my gut feeling and what my child was telling me.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeanne,

Hang in there! I know it's hard, believe me. I am like you, I don't insist

on things, even tho I should sometimes. I have learned to be a little bit

more aggressive these days.

I was the one who said I am holding back another year. He certainly

isn't ready like the typical kids are. I thought having an extra year of

therapy would help him to catch up with the typical kids. I also had to

wait an extra year to start KG, only because my birthday was after the

cutoff date of Sept. 30. It certainly doesn't hurt anyone to start a year

later. Like all the parents, I'm trying to do the best thing for my little

guy. I'm trying not to second-guess myself, and " go with my gut feeling " ,

as someone else said. We all have to do that and just hope for the best.

I can feel thru your post how upset you are. Give preschool a chance and

see what happens. You can always change things later if you feel the need.

We're here for you!

~~