Re: Debbi

[Guest guest]

Debbi (aka Polly?), Good words of wisdom! It really helps

hearing from people who have more experience with this disease than I

do. It sure helps take away the " I'm alone in the world " feeling

that I have around people without A. I have to remember...it's just

a small part of me, it's not who I am and it doesn't define me.

You've helped me realize that I can't let it consume me...thinking

about it every day and every minute. Crying at night...'oh, woe is

me' lol.

Thank you so much.

[Guest guest]

So I am taking wrong medication ??? Pffff, it has made me feel better for a few days but I am also more tired.

Well, I'm not a doctor, but off the top of my head I'd say you're DEFINITELY taking the wrong med, from the symptoms you've described here over the past few months.

If your symptoms were more along the lines of being so "keyed up" (excited, nervous, anxious, jittery) that you couldn't concentrate, you were fidgety all the time / feeling like you wanted to jump out of your skin, couldn't sleep b/c you just lie there staring at the ceiling going over all your worries over and over and over again, etc., then you would need some sort of an anti-anxiety drug to calm you down, sedate you, "take the edge off", etc.

But from what you've described, it sounds like you're in that mode of: "I'm so down/depressed that I don't even want to get out of my bed / off the chair, etc. There's nothing fun in life anymore... I'm SURVIVING my life, not LIVING (enjoying) it. It's all I can do to clean the house to the bare minimum, let alone do anything "extra". I don't go out with friends or even call them on the phone to chat, and I don't particularly want to." Et cetera.... I'm not necessarily saying that you ARE thinking/feeling these exact things (these are actually things that I've said/done in my own depressive episodes in the past, so I'm speaking from MY personal experience, not trying to put words in your mouth or anything!), but just that this seems to be the general "tone" of your feelings/thoughts lately.

I think I am going to make an appointment with my reg. doc right away. Hopefully she still has an empty spot tomorrow morning. Just called. she has a spot at 10:30 tomorrowmorning. I'll explain my situation to her and hopefully she'll subscribe me something else.

Please be COMPLETELY honest with her about ALL of your symptoms, too, so that she can get you the drug that is best suited for your particular individual situation. There are literally DOZENS of different antidepression meds out there, and each one works a little differently, and they even react differently in different people (what works wonders for me or your neighbor or your aunt might make you feel like you're headed for the loony bin.) But the doc can't fit the med to your situation unless she knows ALL of your symptoms.... tell her about your frustration over the achalasia and having to wait so long for surgery (and the unknown part about HOW long you'll have to wait); tell her about your concerns about being able to care for your son as your wait for surgery goes longer; tell her about your wondering if things would be better if you weren't around (and believe me, they would NOT be better... who's gonna love Jasper more than you????); tell her about your fatigue, how you feel about being a mom, how your marriage and family life is going, what your typical daily schedule is (get up, feed baby, then what?), etc. The more info you give her, the better able she will be to prescribe you a med that is suited to your individual situation.

Thank you so much for this information, Debbi. I will write down the names of the meds you mentioned and maybe she knows what I am talking about. I just want to get rid of the stress/down/depressed feeling.

You're VERY welcome, Biancka... I hope that you can finally get some real help from your doctor! Your son is only going to be little once, and you BOTH deserve for you to be happy and enjoying it. Life is for LIVING, not just "surviving" (trust me, I have BEEN THERE -- it's much better to be enjoying life!)

If your doctor is NOT familiar with the various psychologic drugs available for depression (some docs just have one or two "favorites" that they like to prescribe, and they don't bother to look into any of the others that are out there), you might want to ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist who is familiar with all the different drugs. I know in my own case, I needed something to "motivate" me, to get me moving, and so I did well with a "stimulant" type of drug (not like an amphetamine or "speed" or "uppers", but something that gave my brain a little nudge to get off my mental couch!) I haven't researched them all, but I believe Effexor and Wellbutrin (Venlafaxine and Bupropion are the non-brand names) are both "stimulant" type meds (there are probably others as well.)

When I was taking Paxil, it made me feel better (things didn't upset me as much, etc.) but it also made me rather apathetic.... For example, one result of my depression was that I didn't keep up with the housework. Before I was taking Paxil, the fact that the house was a mess and there were piles of laundry to do would make me feel even WORSE about myself, pushing me even further down that "downward spiral" of depression. When I was taking Paxil, it didn't upset me so much that the house looked horrible (which was good, b/c it didn't perpetuate the downward spiral).... but rather than getting up off my butt and cleaning the house because I felt better about myself, instead I just didn't CARE that the house looked like crap! When I realized that my life was essentially the same (messy house, etc.) but that I was feeling ok with the fact that I had no clean clothes, I talked to my doctor about it and we weaned me off the Paxil. (I had no problems going off Paxil, either, b/c I did it VERY slowly, like I told you before, so that my body and brain were able to adjust gradually.)

But that doesn't mean Paxil is a "bad drug" -- Paxil wasn't the best drug for MY situation, but for someone whose depression includes lots of anxiety (lying awake at night going over their worries over and over and over again, having anxiety/panic attacks, etc.), it would be a good drug for their situation. If they are worrying incessantly over things that they really shouldn't be worrying about, a drug that makes them "just not care so much" about those things would be helpful. So that's what I mean about making sure the doc knows ALL your symptoms, so that the drug prescribed is the best one for YOU, not just the one that is "most popular" this month. (Also make sure to remind your doctor that you had a baby in the last year... post-partum hormone fluctuations can exacerbate existing depression, or even cause depression in women that weren't depressed before.)

I ran across this description of depression that I thought was a basic, no-nonsense way of describing it: Major Depression implies a prominent and relatively persistent depressed or dysphoric mood that usually interferes with daily functioning (nearly every day for at least 2 weeks); it should include at least four of the following eight symptoms: change in appetite, change in sleep, psychomotor agitation or retardation, loss of interest in usual activities or decrease in sexual drive, increased fatigability, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, slowed thinking or impaired concentration, and suicidal ideation or attempts.

For more information about the individual symptoms, I thought this page was a good read. It might help you discuss your symptoms with your doctor, too, because you can show her which ones apply to you and which ones don't, etc.:http://www.womenshealthchannel.com/depression/symptoms.shtml

And this page does a good basic job of explaining the different types (categories) of medications in basic terms:

http://www.womenshealthchannel.com/depression/antidepressant.shtml

As Cindi mentioned, it can take a few weeks for ANY antidepressant drug to have an effect... this does NOT mean that it's "not working" but just that your body is adjusting to it and your brain is "relearning" how things are SUPPOSED to be when the chemicals are balanced again. When I started taking Paxil I was soooooo tired all the time -- I literally brought a pillow and blanket to work and slept on my office floor at lunchtime!!! But after two weeks almost exactly two weeks to the day from when I started taking it!) my body figured it all out, and the drowsiness went away, and I took the pillow and blanket home again. ) It can be hard to stick to it when you don't yet feel the benefits, but if you need support, you know you can turn to us here to help you get through it!

If you have questions or just want to talk, you know where to find me!Debbi in MI