Adoptive child with Down syndrome gets good home, transforms parents' lives

[Guest guest]

By A.M. Kelley

11/9/2007

Superior Catholic Herald (www.catholicherald.org)

SUPERIOR, Wis. (The Catholic

Herald) - Like many first-time parents, Katy and Tom Dorin say that having a

baby has transformed their lives.

A SPECIAL ADOPTION - Katy Dorin

and her husband, Tom, initially took CeCe (Cierra) into their home as a foster

child. They have since adopted her. CeCe has Down syndrome and was also born

addicted to cocaine. The Dorins view the troubled birth mother as a gift from

God for giving them the precious baby. (Catholic Herald/A.M. Kelley)

“We can’t imagine what

life would be like without her,” Katy said of their daughter Cierra, who

is now 2 years old.

But it must also be said that when they planned a family the Dorins never

imagined having such a child as Cierra.

She was born July 2, 2005, in Milwaukee to a very troubled woman — a

cocaine addict. As a result, Cierra was addicted in utero. That was the first

of her challenges; she was also born with Down syndrome.

The birth mother immediately lost custody of her and on Sept. 9, 2005, as a

ward of the state, Cierra came to live in Superior with the Dorins as a foster

child. Since then the Dorins have become like many parents who have a child

that needs extraordinary care; they deal with the hardships and celebrate the

joys.

Change of plans

Tom is 44 and Katy is 35. They met as teenagers — Tom was a friend of

Katy’s brother — and married in 1998 and wanted children from the

start.

“First we planned on having our own,” Katy said, “and then we

planned on adopting (more).”

But when they discovered that Katy was not able to conceive, the Dorins looked

to the adoption wing of Catholic Charities Bureau in the La Crosse Diocese. The

idea to adopt came naturally to them as Tom grew up with two adopted siblings

and Katy’s brother and his wife have also adopted a child.

Besides CCB, Wisconsin’s special needs adoption unit also helped the

Dorins. It partners with private sector agencies to find adoptive homes for

hard to place children. These include large sibling groups, older children,

members of minority groups or children with physical or emotional disabilities.

From the start, Cierra — the Dorins have come to call her CeCe —

needed more than average care and attention. Born with a congenital heart

defect, not an uncommon condition for children with this chromosome disorder,

the adoption specialists prepared the couple for the rigors of raising a

special needs child.

The first month they had her, CeCe needed heart surgery. The Dorins wanted her

to be baptized before the surgery. At the time the birth mother was missing, so

they sought and received permission from a judge.

Birth mom ‘a gift from God for us’

Following the successful operation, CeCe began physical therapy. At nine months

she still could not raise her head and physical therapy continued. At 13

months, three-times-a-week speech and occupational therapy sessions began.

During this time, CeCe’s birth mother ended up in prison on drug-related

charges. The Dorins wrote to her and sent photos of her baby — safe,

sound and cherished in her foster home. They learned a little about the woman

through this correspondence, including the fact that she had five other daughters.

In May 2006, in part Katy believes because of the kindness they showed her in

letters, CeCe’s birth mother relinquished rights to her and three months

later the Dorins adopted her.

Katy said of the birth mother: “She’s a gift from God for us. She

gave us this precious baby.”

The Dorins were fully prepared for parenthood. Tom is a locomotive engineer

with Canadian National and spends considerable time away from home on the

rails. Katy is a certified medical assistant and left her job at her

brother’s chiropractic practice when CeCe arrived to be a stay-at-home

mom.

At first the couple’s parents and siblings were kind but less than

encouraging.

“They were worried that we didn’t know what we were getting

into,” Katy said. “They thought we were biting off more than we

could chew.”

The state channeled them into support programs; the most essential was the

Birth-to-Three of County. Katy and Tom took advantage of the resources

and learned all they could about Down syndrome. Their family’s initial

skepticism passed quickly and CeCe’s new relatives are now fully

committed and supportive.

In the meantime CeCe is thriving. She started crawling at 17 months and walked

at 23 months.

“That’s very young for a Down’s baby,” Katy said.

“Something inside of her makes her want to do (challenging)

things.”

Perhaps, in this way, CeCe takes after her adoptive parents.

Room for one more

The Dorins belong to St. Parish in Superior. CeCe has become a

significant member of the congregation but has been especially noticed by

another parish family: and Buzzy Winter and their three daughters,

Angel, 10, , 8, and Cecilia, 5. The Winters have a lot in common with

the Dorins. They also plan to adopt a Down syndrome baby.

But unlike the Dorins, the Winters already have a busy household.

stays home with the children and home schools them.

“Life is nonstop from the time you get up until you go to bed,” she

said.

Still, for years she and her husband have given serious thought about adopting

another child and specifically one with Down syndrome. They have completed the

requisite home studies and are on a wait list with the Down Syndrome

Association of Greater Cincinnati (DSAGC). This Ohio nonprofit (www.dsagc.com)

is run by volunteers and connects families who want to adopt available

children. Right now there are about 200 families waiting to adopt Down syndrome

babies, according to its adoption awareness program coordinator, Robin Steele.

Most Down syndrome babies die — from abortion

DSAGC estimates that most couples in the United States who receive an early

diagnosis of Down syndrome do not choose to have the baby.

“Eighty-five percent terminate the pregnancy,” Steele said.

“There are far fewer (Down’s babies) being born because of abortion.”

She gets three to five calls a week from birth families, typically very early

in the pregnancies. They want information. They want help in deciding whether

or not to continue the pregnancies.

“When they learn that there is a wait list of families who want to adopt

a Down’s baby, this has a positive effect on the birth families,”

Steele said. “(It helps them to) value the child.”

More than half of the expectant parents who contact DSAGC decide to have and

keep their Down’s babies. As for the families who want to adopt, Steele

said almost all of them have had personal experiences with a Down’s

person. Some have grown up with a Down’s sibling, worked with them or

given birth themselves to a Down’s child.

Steele is more than a spokeswoman for DSAGC. She and her husband adopted a

child with Down syndrome. The child is now 36 years old. Her name is Martha.

She was born at a time when parents had few alternatives and were routinely

advised to institutionalize disabled children.

“Catholic Charities considered her unadoptable,” Steele said.

“But we met her and fell in love with her.”

Since Martha, the Steeles have adopted nine more children, three of them with

Down syndrome. In all, the couple has 13 children.

Receiving a special child: Priceless

Winter fits Steele profile of someone who wants to adopt a Down

syndrome baby. She grew up with an aunt with Down syndrome and also has a

friend with a son with the syndrome. But in spite of all her knowledge, there

are still worries.

“I have the same feelings as when I was pregnant for the first

time,” she said. “Can I be a good enough mother?”

Her husband has worries too. He supports the family and is concerned about

medical expenses and concedes that they don’t have a lot of

information about Social Security support for a disabled child.

“I hesitate to ask questions about costs,” she said. “I feel

as though I should not put a price tag on a child.”

Still, they move forward, trust in God and take the adoption process one step

at a time. Their daughters are prepared for another sibling as fellow

parishioners, the Dorins, give witness to another of God’s miracles.

“(CeCe)’s a perfect match for us,” Katy Dorin said.

“She has made us a family.”

Adopting a special needs child

When considering adoption, especially the adoption of a special needs child,

Katy Dorin has advice for prospective parents:

— Be candid with each other. Caseworkers have comprehensive lists

of questions for parents to discuss. “Whether it’s a

‘normal’ child or one with special needs, answer the questions

honestly,” Katy said.

— Both parents must be comfortable with the child’s disability.

Katy said that her husband Tom hesitated when they discussed different

scenarios and came to the conclusion that adopting a baby with AIDS would not

work for them.

— Put it all in God’s hands. Prospective adoptive mother

Winter also feels very strongly about this. She and her husband have

done the footwork for an adoption and believe that whatever the outcome, it

will be right for their family. “If God wants to bless us with a child

with Down syndrome,” she said, “I would be more than happy to be

the mom.”