RE: Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

[Guest guest]

Everyone who knows me

knows that I do not tolerate the R word! My cheerleading squad would say it all

of the time and I finally went off on them one day. They said it would be hard

to change to something else but they did. They finally decided to say Mohican

instead of Retarded since there are no more Mohicans and they couldn’t

offend anyone. I still wish the slang would go away but they are now even

correcting their friends when they say the R word!

Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

It's a long story as to

why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last

night. During the course of the dinner she used the word

" retarded " twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you

imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The second time I called

her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't

" get it " I've copied my reply to her below and would love some

feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you

who have put your heart

and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never

say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's

YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I

have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word

in the way that you did, twice last night.

The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded.

I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only

IQ,

it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe

her, when you say that someone is " retarded drunk " - what I hear, and

what

you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that

they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the

playground " you are acting like a retard " - what they are literally,

but of

course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically

that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used

unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just

me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the

word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome

world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why

the

word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a

parent who feels differently.

The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very

intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle.

I've

reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and

hardest part of their life " That people are mean to me and call me

retard "

Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in

her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally

breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it.

Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I

beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and

careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.

I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening

last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your

love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to

mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is

ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one

word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks

again so much.

[Guest guest]

I am sorry that the word is offensive for you. I agree with your analogy. For me, I try not to give the word power thereby, making the word powerless.

Don Camp

Father of Leona Hope (DS with corrected ASD)

Down Syndrome Treatment From: cammie@...Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2007 10:21:18 -0500Subject: RE: Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

Everyone who knows me knows that I do not tolerate the R word! My cheerleading squad would say it all of the time and I finally went off on them one day. They said it would be hard to change to something else but they did. They finally decided to say Mohican instead of Retarded since there are no more Mohicans and they couldn’t offend anyone. I still wish the slang would go away but they are now even correcting their friends when they say the R word!

Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

It's a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used the word "retarded" twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't "get it" I've copied my reply to her below and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word in the way that you did, twice last night.The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded. I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only IQ, it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe her, when you say that someone is "retarded drunk" - what I hear, and what you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the playground "you are acting like a retard" - what they are literally, but of course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why the word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a parent who feels differently.The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle. I've reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and hardest part of their life "That people are mean to me and call me retard" Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it. Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks again so much.

Recharge--play some free games. Win cool prizes too! Play It!

[Guest guest]

Kathy, I liked it. :-) Thought it was very honest and heartfelt. I am curious though as to how a teacher defended using this word? Carol in IL AIM doihavtasay1Mom to seven including , 6 with TOF, AVcanal, GERD, LS, Asthma, subglottal stenosis, and DS.My problem is not how I look. It's how you see me. Join our Down Syndrome information group - Down Syndrome Treatment/ Listen to oldest dd's music http://www.myspace.com/vennamusic----- Original Message ----From: Kathy <kebis@...>DS Info < >; DSTNI <DSTNI >; Einstein <EINSTEIN-SYNDROME@...>; DS NUT <DS-NUTRITION@...>Sent: Saturday, August

11, 2007 8:20:40 AMSubject: Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

It's a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used the word "retarded" twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't "get it" I've copied my reply to her below and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word in the way that you did, twice last night.The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded. I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only IQ, it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe her, when you say that someone is "retarded drunk" - what I hear, and what you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the playground "you are acting like a retard" - what they are literally, but of course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why the word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a parent who feels differently.The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle. I've reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and hardest part of their life "That people are mean to me and call me retard" Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it. Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks again so much.

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[Guest guest]

She gave the same argument I've heard too many times. That she didn't mean it in an insulting manner but as a synonym to silly or stupid. That led to the first part of my letter, explaining why that is unacceptable. I'm still not sure she totally gets it.

Kathy

Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

It's a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used the word "retarded" twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't "get it" I've copied my reply to her below and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word in the way that you did, twice last night.The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded. I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only IQ, it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe her, when you say that someone is "retarded drunk" - what I hear, and what you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the playground "you are acting like a retard" - what they are literally, but of course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why the word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a parent who feels differently.The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle. I've reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and hardest part of their life "That people are mean to me and call me retard" Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it. Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks again so much.

Shape in your own image. Join our Network Research Panel today!

[Guest guest]

Great letter and it is OUR responsibility to educate others. I too don't take great offense to the word, but I am certainly sensitive to it because is sensitive to it...heck ALL kids are, not even the typical kids want to be called that, so why shouldn't we take the opportunity to educate...if the African Americans had not educated then we would still be using the N word...

I thought your letter was great. I hope she takes it in the spirit intended.

, Mom to 13, DS, Southern CaliforniaTo succeed in life,you need three things:a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.~ Reba McIntyre

Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html

Letter to my Daughter's special ed teacher

It's a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used the word "retarded" twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't "get it" I've copied my reply to her below and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word in the way that you did, twice last night.The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded. I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only IQ, it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe her, when you say that someone is "retarded drunk" - what I hear, and what you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the playground "you are acting like a retard" - what they are literally, but of course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why the word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a parent who feels differently.The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle. I've reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and hardest part of their life "That people are mean to me and call me retard" Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it. Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks again so much.

Shape in your own image. Join our Network Research Panel today!

[Guest guest]

This is what happens when ABILITY is seen first!

, Mom to 13, DS, Southern CaliforniaTo succeed in life,you need three things:a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.~ Reba McIntyre

Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html

[Guest guest]

I do understand how that bothers you. Although I have never heard anyone say that to my son, nor refer to him as such; he has experienced other hurtful instances.(Not to say it hasn't been said) My son often gets funny looks but then he gives them back once in awhile. He is only 9 and more times than I can count his feelings do get hurt when his smile is often frowned upon. However, I must agree with what Don said about not giving THAT word power. Its great that you let her know how you feel, our hearts will always be wounded from time to time based on their looks and how society perceives our kiddos to be. Sad but true. I tell my other children my reasoning for bestowing SOOOOO much love to him is so he will know love should love not be given back. Hugs to you and . Mom to the Fantastic Four 32,30,21, and of course 9yrs.old (D/S)Kathy

<kebis@...> wrote: It's a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used the word "retarded" twice to describe someone acting stupidly. Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!! The second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized but obviously didn't "get it" I've copied my reply to her

below and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone in the future. Thanks, Kathy Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word in the way that you did, twice last night.The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded. I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only IQ, it does

accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe her, when you say that someone is "retarded drunk" - what I hear, and what you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the playground "you are acting like a retard" - what they are literally, but of course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why the word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a parent who feels

differently.The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle. I've reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and hardest part of their life "That people are mean to me and call me retard" Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it. Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your love, respect and caring for our

kids. I also don't want anyone else to mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks again so much.

Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles.Visit the Auto Green Center.

[Guest guest]

Wow,, that was fantastic!

KathyR

From:

Down Syndrome Treatment

[mailto:Down Syndrome Treatment ] On Behalf Of

McElwee

Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2007 6:56 PM

Down Syndrome Treatment

Subject: Re: Letter to my Daughter's special

ed teacher

This

is what happens when ABILITY is seen first!

,

Mom to 13, DS, Southern California

To succeed in life,

you need three things:

a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

~ Reba McIntyre

Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a

Prenatal Diagnosis

http://www.leeworks.net/DDS/

What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosis

http://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html

_,_._,___

[Guest guest]

Nice job! Hope it makes her think ;-)

KathyR

From: Down Syndrome Treatment

[mailto:Down Syndrome Treatment ] On Behalf Of Kathy

Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2007 9:21 AM

DS Info; DSTNI; Einstein; DS NUT

Subject: Letter to my Daughter's special ed

teacher

It's

a long story as to why, but 's special ed teacher treated 3 sets of

parents to dinner last night. During the course of the dinner she used

the word " retarded " twice to describe someone acting stupidly.

Can you imagine - she's a special ed teacher!!!!

The

second time I called her on it and came home to an email where she apologized

but obviously didn't " get it " I've copied my reply to her below

and would love some feedback in case I have to use this letter again to anyone

in the future.

Thanks,

Kathy

Oh (her name), please know that because it's YOU, you who

have put your heart

and soul into our kids for 3 years I absolutely know that you would never

say or do anything intentionally to hurt or insult them. But because it's

YOU, who have put your heart and soul into our kids for 3 years I feel I

have to explain to you why I feel deeply that you should not use that word

in the way that you did, twice last night.

The first reason is because in one strict sense, IS mentally retarded.

I can say that without wincing. When we are talking about IQ, and only

IQ,

it does accurately describe her. But because it does accurately describe

her, when you say that someone is " retarded drunk " - what I hear, and

what

you are literally saying, is that the person was acting so stupidly that

they were acting like . When a child yells to another child on the

playground " you are acting like a retard " - what they are literally,

but of

course unknowingly saying is that the other child is acting so idiotically

that they are acting like . And yes, it does hurt, even when used

unintentionally. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's just

me who feels this way or that I am being oversensitive. The use of the

word, exactly the way you used it, is a huge topic in the Down syndrome

world. I've read and heard many, many parents and siblings explain why

the

word, used in this way is hurtful. I don't think you will ever meet a

parent who feels differently.

The second reason which may shock you is that this word is still used, very

intentionally, by ignorant people trying to hurt, insult and belittle.

I've

reading and heard myself, adults with DS describe this as the worst and

hardest part of their life " That people are mean to me and call me

retard "

Tragically I have to accept that this will be said to , occasionally in

her life, with the intention to wound her. The thought almost literally

breaks my heart and I start to cry if I allow myself to dwell on it.

Because the word, used carelessly serves as a reminder of this awful fact I

beg you to please purge it from your vocabulary except in the one strict and

careful sense of describing a person's IQ testing.

I feel terrible that after your lovely gesture and such a wonderful evening

last night that you were upset. Like I said, I absolutely believe in your

love, respect and caring for our kids. I also don't want anyone else to

mistakenly think differently or think that the careless use of that word is

ok because you use it. Despite my longwinded explanation above, that one

word did not ruin the evening for me and I hope it didn't for you. Thanks

again so much.