Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 I also like to say, " did you mean that how it sounded " ? and after saying it, be quiet and let it hang in the air. Most of the time, people quickly realize they didn't' think before they spoke. Kym...Proud Mom to 4, including 4 1/2 year old with DS ________________________________________________________________ GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO! Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less! Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 In a message dated 4/15/02 9:40:47 AM Central Daylight Time, Mom2lfm@... writes: > . My favorite line is, " Hey with my genes how can > any child be less than wonderful? " > > Kathy, Liam's mom(4), stepping down from my soapbox > I LOVE that answer. Wish I'd thought of it. Jessie, mom of , age 37, the light of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 In a message dated 4/15/02 9:46:57 AM Central Daylight Time, macfamily38@... writes: > I also like to say, " did you mean that how it sounded " ? and after saying > it, be quiet and let it hang in the air. Most of the time, people > quickly realize they didn't' think before they spoke. > Kym...Proud Mom to 4, including 4 1/2 year old with DS > > Jessie, mom of , age 37, the light of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 In a message dated 4/15/02 10:18:41 AM Central Daylight Time, macfamily38@... writes: > know that when people were saying all that stuff to us about adopting > (he was 2 years old) and what we were doing to our birth children, > our marriage, why were we " asking " for trouble, etc, our attitude was > what turned them around. I would say things like, " I am so excited to > meet him " , " we can't wait to get him here and just love him " , " isn't this > great? A new addition to our family " , stuff like that. Most people > I think we are all advocates by letting the world see how we are with our children. How we treat them and how we enjoy them. This has certainly been true with us. and I have fun together and share a lot of love that shows. Some people look at us like we are crazy, having fun with a WHEELCHAIR!! Well why not? We enjoy pretty much everything we do together, not constantly laughing of course, but just quietly. I think our attitude toward our children, right from the first, affects other's attitudes too. Jessie, mom of , age 37, the light of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 Oh ! People aren't always sensitive are they?!! I grew up with a brother with special needs. There were 5 of us children in my family. He was the 4th born, I am the oldest. It was the best thing for me. I grew up very aware of other people's needs, a strong advocate for the under-dog, and I think that it was because of my brother that we decided to adopt . Your other children are going to learn so much from your attitude toward your new son and from him. They will become teachers to show the world about acceptance and love. It isn't always easy for the siblings, I know. But this experience will make them stronger and I feel, if you continue to spend one on one time with each of them (even reading a story or something small like that), they will get everything they need. I don't know what you can say to the people that say silly things, but I know that when people were saying all that stuff to us about adopting (he was 2 years old) and what we were doing to our birth children, our marriage, why were we " asking " for trouble, etc, our attitude was what turned them around. I would say things like, " I am so excited to meet him " , " we can't wait to get him here and just love him " , " isn't this great? A new addition to our family " , stuff like that. Most people would stammer and say, " yeah " . but, as they saw us with him and got to meet him, they ALL fell in love with him and our attitude was contagious. =) Some people don't deserve or need to know your inner feelings, but the other people in your life that you love and want to be a part of the baby's life will go off of how you seem with it. Hang in there. Good luck, Kym...Proud Mom to 4, including 4 1/2 year old with DS ________________________________________________________________ GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO! Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less! Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 I've loved reading this thread because it has certainly shown the strength, creativity, humor, and love that many of us have developed since the arrival of our child with DS. As many have said already, each of us must figure out a way to deal with insensitive questions and comments, and , chances are, like many of us, you will change your responses over time (seems like most of us have gotten bolder about our opinions, LOL!) I feel we were very fortunate to not know about the DS until after was born... I think it's much easier to face people with a sweet baby in your arms, and that they will really believe you when you tell them things will be just fine. I still wonder when people ask " did you know before she was born? " if they are really asking, " did you know and still choose to have her? " , but that's not a battle I'm choosing to fight these days (there are so many more, like preschools!!!!!!!). Of course we told family and close friends about the DS soon after she was born, but I refrained from telling those who didn't need to know until they had a chance to meet . I felt that a call to someone who hadn't seen our sweet, wonderful baby might cause them to have preconcieved notions about her, how we " must be feeling " , whatever. I could just picture the lunchroom at work before I was back from maternity leave " Oh, did you hear..... " " it's so sad.... " , " poor ..... " " did she have that testing..... " . It wasn't that I had any problem telling people, I just wanted them to see , see that she was just like any other baby, and that we loved her and related to her like our other child. This worked really well for us, and when those more casual friends and co-workers were told, they were really pretty relaxed about it because they knew as a baby first, not as her disability first.... they had been allowed to get comfortable with her! As you go forward, you will find that a lot of people do have questions, but are afraid to say anything (so as to not sound like the insensitive people this thread started talking about!!!). I have found that casually introducing DS as part of a converstation (for example with a mom from typical preschool, YMCA gymnastics, etc.) gives them the chance to ask questions and you the chance to educate them. For example, when watching playing on the playset with typical peers, I might say something like " Oh, we are so happy how well is climbing up the ladder now.... you know, lots of kids with Down Syndrome don't walk until age 2, but once finally started walking there was no stopping her! " This tells them you are not afraid to talk about DS, you are relaxed about your child, you have a positive attitude about her abilities, etc. Just my 2 cents! Good luck , and don't read too much unless it is positive information :-) , mom to (6), (4 DS), and (2) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 I am convinced that the fact that the person making the ignorant statement is not secure in themselves is the main reason for the really DUMB questions and attitudes. I have gotten some doozies. The " What's wrong with her? " is the most common. I always just say, " She acts just like her Dad. " That one usually stops them in their tracks. Right now this little angel is giving me a back massage while she tells me about her day at school. You can tell the people who are interested and those who are ignorant. I usually say she is a Blessing. When you show people that your strength comes from your faith they usually go off and try to figure it all out on their own. I enjoy the book and CD, Sometimes Miracles Hide. I look at my daughter as the miracle of my life. I am lucky, yes it is hard and sometimes I still cry after 9 years, but I also know why I am here and she is rubbing my shoulders so sweetly right now. If people find it necessary to make unkind remarks all I can say is they must have unfulfilled lives and empty hearts, keep smiling , it bugs them to no end... :0) God Bless, GW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 I agree show the world you love your child and that your child has simple needs as any human needs and the rest will fall into place . I really think people are just afraid of what is different but once they see we are happy and comfortable they will become comfortable also. Nettie619 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 Good Job Beverly!!!!!!!!! I really enjoyed reading your post. In response to the What do you say post. I was smiling ear to ear. They were wonderful options, every last one. Davina, mom to Kyron 9; Kyrell 6 ds; Kierra 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 I don't know that you could really use this as a come back. But God does not make mistakes. He knew each and every one of us before we were born. He knows the numbers of hairs on our heads and the number of tears that fall. There is a reason for every one of us and our children being here. We may not know at first and possibly not until we see Jesus face. But he created the baby boy growing inside of you and he knows that you will be great parents to him!! Enjoy him because he is a baby first he will bring so much joy to you and your husband and the other children (and I am defiantly speaking from experience) My daughter loves her brother there has never been the jealousy that I hear most siblings get. My prayers are with you and your family. On a lighter note back in high school we used to say to ignorant people " Jesus may love you but, the rest of us think you are an a-- " : Depending on what way you want to go with a comment LOL!! Amy Mom to Abby 3 and 15mo. d.s. Walt & wrote: > I am quickly learning who I want to disclose information to and who I > want > to just avoid in general! Does anyone have any good come-backs for > insensitive and ignorant comments? For example, I was told by another > mom > that I should really think about what is best for my other children in > > deciding whether or not to terminate, and her opinion was clearly that > it > will be too hard to give all of them what they need. I find myself at > a > loss to respond to comments like this, and still feel too vulnerable > to just > ignore them. Any ideas?? Thanks!! > > > Mom to , 5, , 3 1/2 and new baby boy due 7/13/02 > > From: <mommyof2inaz@...> > <loree5@...>; <pderdzinski@...>; > < > > Sent: Sunday, April 14, 2002 1:08 AM > Subject: Re: what do you say???..... > > > > In a message dated 3/23/2002 12:49:32 PM US Mountain Standard Time, > > loree5@... writes: > > > > > > > Does anyone have any input on this subject? > > > > > > > > > > Sorry i'm responing so late. Busy busy!!! My ny is 1 year now. > he is > > still tiny, compared to most babies. He's 17 lbs & about 29 inches. > His > > stature is very " petite " shall i say. People ask me all the time > " how old > is > > your baby?? No he's not that old. He's just so tiny. What a > beautiful > baby. " > > i always say thank you. I think he's gorgeous. Sometimes i tell > people he > has > > Down syndrome. Sometimes i don't. it all depends on my mood for the > day. > > Thank fully i haven't had any negative things said to me. Not > intentionally. > > I would go with your gut feeling. You don't have to announce things > to > > people, unless you feel the need to. Anyway, who cares about what > others > > think?? She is your beautiful little angel either way. > > {{ DeStefano{{ > > { Mommy to: Lynn & { > > > > {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 , this is a great idea. And you are right, people really take their cues from the parent. I remember when was a baby and people would ask how he was and I was always say, " GREAT! " ...even when he wasn't, or when I wasn't feeling particularily upbeat. But I didn't want people to see that and feel sorry for him or for me (of course I did have people close to me who I could unload on when I needed to.) R. Mom to (8, ds) and Grace (5) > What you could do is send an announcement to people you want to. Let them know >that your son will have DS and a heart defect. Include information that you have high >hopes for your child and he should do very well with heart surgery. You'd appreciate >their prayers and support. You'd also appreciate if they remember he is a child first and >that you are hoping his birth will be just as joyeous as your others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 > I also like to say, " did you mean that how it sounded " ? and after saying > it, be quiet and let it hang in the air. Most of the time, people > quickly realize they didn't' think before they spoke. > Kym...Proud Mom to 4, including 4 1/2 year old with DS Kym, this is great, I'm going to have to remember it. So often I try to make up for what the person said and try to make them feel more comfortable...when what I really should do is let them own what they said! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 Unfortunately, I told the director of the preschool where I work why I needed time off, and I didn't at the time realize that what I had to say to her would be public knowledge before I left the building to go home. For an educated woman, she is very ignorant and can be downright nasty. Needless to say, she is no longer privy to the details of this pregnancy! Re: what do you say???..... > What I would like to know is how all these bitchy stupid people know > that your baby has DS at this point. Who has told them? > > Jessie, mom of , age 37, the light of my life. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 In a message dated 4/15/02 10:33:30 PM Central Daylight Time, cindysue@... writes: > I've had this happen too. They do come to talk to Zach and to the rest of us. They always shake his hand and tell him he's a fine young man. Zach's usual reply is " I know! " LOL! We need to work on that ;-) (I keep telling him to say 'thank you' instead.) Zach asks their name and then introduces all of us. It's great! Altmeyer Mom to Zachary (17/DS), (15) and (12) Boonville, IN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 Welllll, My last post was supposed to start with 's comment on people with DS family members staring. I don't know where the quote went! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2002 Report Share Posted April 15, 2002 In a message dated 4/15/2002 10:47:51 PM Central Standard Time, ladywolfbear@... writes: > I've had this happen too. They do come to talk to Zach and to the rest of > us. They always shake his hand and tell him he's a fine young man. Zach's > usual reply is " I know! " LOL! We need to work on that ;-) (I keep > telling > him to say 'thank you' instead.) Zach asks their name and then introduces > all of us. It's great! > > > Altmeyer > Mom to Zachary (17/DS), (15) and (12) > Boonville, IN Ooh my gosh , is Zach and Sara from the same gene pool or just honest folks heehee If anyone complements Sara, usually on her hair she wont say thank you, she'll just agree lolol also she's one to introduce us to all, I thought this came from our stranger talk, see if she introduces us and gets their name then they are no longer strangers........her logic Reading that Zach is 17, this attitude may stick around a bit with Sara lol Kathy mom to Sara 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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